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Original poster

Please , hold my hand...

13 replies

ageperfect · 30/11/2011 12:05

Not sure is it the right place to post it... I have appointment for tomorrow for ST. It was very hard to bring such a decision but we took everything in consideration and it wouldn't be safe to have another baby (we have 2 DD). I have very very high BP (170/120) and i am taking medication, still goes up and down. The thing is ,i have booked ST for tomorrow but it will be still subject to my BP on the day. I am soooo scared. I am not as young as i used to be and this pregnancy is really difficult . I am very sick and i know, BP is realy not helping.
I would like to apologize if i did offend someone because,i know it's very sensitive subject. If my health was ok, i wouldn't even consider to go down that path, but after talking with dr and another specialist, they both pointed that it wouldn't be safe ,not for me not for a baby. I am so angry with myself....it's my fault my bad health...but i have to deal with one thing at the time....
Thanks

OP posts:
MrsHankey · 30/11/2011 15:46

Don't have any experience, just wanted to answer your post, I feel for you.

You obviously have not taken this decision lightly and must be very hard Sad

Original poster
ageperfect · 30/11/2011 16:43

Thank you, MrsHankey. It is hard. Sometimes i feel as if i am in some kind of a nightmare......Sad

OP posts:
gingeroots · 30/11/2011 17:51

I don't know what a ST is ,but guessing a termination ?

You sound as though you're in a horrible situation with your health - please don't be so hard on yourself ,I'm sure you're high blood pressure isn't your fault !
Things really aren't that simple .

Thinking of you ,hoping things go smoothly tommorow ,sending you hugs .

liveinazoo · 30/11/2011 17:59

sending hugs and hand holding.what a horrible situation to be in.fingers crossed tomorrow goes ok.stop be so hard on yourself .this is a time to give yourself some tlc honey.x

Footle · 30/11/2011 18:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ameliagrey · 30/11/2011 19:53

You are putting yourself first which as a mum to two children is the right thing to do- to give them some future with you. If you had a 3rd baby who knows how your health would be?

I have a very close friend who had a termination because at the time her marriage was on the rocks- though they are still together.

I don't think any less of her, but I do know that she still grieves and feels sad about the termination even though at the time it was the right choice. make sure you get some counselling after if you need it to help ease the pain.

Original poster
ageperfect · 01/12/2011 07:11

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Yesterday i spent all day sleeping,as i said, this pregnancy makes me so sick and weak. Took off from work too. Today is the day and i hope everything will go in peace..........[scared]Thanks

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ameliagrey · 01/12/2011 08:50

Good luck- be brave and thinking of you Smile

Original poster
ageperfect · 01/12/2011 09:22

Thank you. I am going at midday .My app is at 2pm ....i will get back with update when i can...I only hope bp will be down..Thank you...Thanks

OP posts:
gingeroots · 01/12/2011 09:30

Thinking of you as well .
Tell yourself it's only a few hours and it will be behind you .
Might be worth telling the staff how badly you're feeling ?

You are doing the right thing .Keep strong .

Original poster
ageperfect · 02/12/2011 06:14

Good morning (it's still very early). One more time,thank you for warm wishes. Yesterday everything went very well. Got there bit earlier and was waiting for nearly 1h30min , which was fine, it gave me time to calm myself down. Then i was seen by nurse (to do the scan and bp-which was 137/87). She confirmed with anaesthetist that he can give me some kind of LA or GA. I changed and then nurse led me to the TR. I met there loveliest team-dr,anaesthetist and 3 nurses. They were so kind,calm and supportive. They gave me sedation which made me half asleep half drunk and everything was done in 3-5 min. After care nurse was lovely too. Was there another 45min for sedation to wear off and then i was released. From that side of care, stuff in that clinic and hygiene is just amazing. It's known clinic for women,for T in London,won't say the name, but they left me feeling ok and they offered counselling ,but i wont use it.It left a big mark in our life, but i realise it was the right step to do and the treatment i received left positive feeling in my heart.Thank you all one more time...ThanksXmas Smile

OP posts:
ameliagrey · 02/12/2011 08:31

I'm glad you are okay.

Just one final suggestion- don't be afraid to take up counselling at any time later on. My friend had a termination 15 years back, and it still causes her guilt/pain at times- you may feel you need support months or years from now so don't be surprised if that happens.

Original poster
ageperfect · 02/12/2011 09:05

Thank you AG. That's the thing. At the moment i am more looking at the things from health side of it,not sure, either i am avoiding to go deeper into it or fear of facing up to it. I know,as a people we are very good to suppress negativity. Thank you for a kind advice. Not only sure how long i can actually use their after care help.I do hope i wont need. One thing, which is positive in my situation, i didn't get attached ,because, deep down ,from the time i found out, i knew it will be very hard to continue...sorry for rumbling , i am still bit in aftershock....Sad Thank you...

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