Feeling a bit upset about a friends cancer prognosis....

[stickytoffee]

A very close friend of mine has been given her prognosis following the end of chemo but actually hasn't told me what it is (understand.....despite a prognosis I suspect you'd rather not say since everyone is different and the outcome may be worse and may be better). The primary cancer tumour was removed (operable), the secondary cancer is still there (not operable) - but is now being managed by cancer drugs (I believe that this now prevents growth but can sometimes shrink)....

She's young - has kids and is a lovely woman. I have to be strong for her but it dawned on me (I'm not naive but I have just wanted to think from the start that the chemo would blast it and she'd be cured....nice to have hope) - having spoken to her, that really we don't know how long she has .

It really hit me this week - this is my first experience of this type of thing. It's made me quite tearful - just feels very unfair sometimes doesn't it.

I'm really sorry to hear about your friend, it must be very upsetting for you. You are right it is a horrible illness and bloody unfair.

Some cancers once they have progressed to secondary tumours, are no longer 'curable', and can be described as a 'life limiting illness'. But it is possible to manage them with drugs, further chemo etc. To some extent it depends on what type of cancer the primary tumour was, and also which organs are affected by the secondary tumours.

It is perfectly natural, and IME quite helpful to feel and be tearful, - you can't bottle up emotion, she is your dear friend. And actually giving yourself time to feel sad, will allow you to support her better when you are with her.

I would take her lead regarding her prognosis, she may not want to think in terms of time frames at the moment. She may want to continue her life as normally as possible, or she may want to do some special things. Let her come to terms with it, and just be there for her, and ready to listen when she does want to talk about it.

Lots of good wishes to your friend, and to you too. Take care xx

Thanks.....I feel a bit guilty in a way having a good sob - but I think you're right - she has so much to deal with herself....but I actually feel quite together when I'm with her - and given the circumstances to all intents and purposes she is quite positive. She's been with the cancer for many months now - and presumably has moved into a different "zone" in her life to allow her to cope, plan etc. She has difficult days as you would expect.