3rd Degree Tears from Labour - any advice

[Pinotyes111]

Hi All,

I had a pretty horrible labour suffering from 3rd degree tears, had to be rushed into theatre for 3 hours, once out, blood pressure dropped so low had to be monitored for an hour (all this time I couldn't see my baby!!)
TBH it has really affected me physically and emotionally, DD was born in February and me and DP still havent had sex, just feel to scared!, also seemed to go through a stage of "why me" that it was so horrendous.
I Suppose I would just like to hear of anyone who has been in the same situation and can understand how i'm feeling. :)

I can completely relate. Had this with first baby. Normal pregnancy, 'normal' birth (ie no forceps, ventouse not even an episiotomy) but a horrendous tear. Turned out dd was back to back and literally split me in two as she came out, with her hand up by her head. Same experience as you, rushed into theatre, major blood loss (had 4 blood transfusions) low blood pressure and god knows how many stitches.

Have never felt so depressed in my life. Went into hospital a healthy young woman and came out a physical wreck. Was in pain for months and thought I would never ever feel back to normal physically or mentally.

BUT a few years down the line, although I haven't forgotten and never will, I do feel SO much better. Took me ages to get over the 'why me' feeling especially as all my friends had a 2nd degree tear at most. Felt very ashamed and didn't want dh to touch me, felt like my body had completely let me down.

I can reassure you that sex is now fine and you will get through this.

Hope this helps a little. Let me know if I can help with any questions etc. I remember feeling so isolated after the birth because no-one I knew had ever had such a horrendous birth experience.

Thank you SO much for your response, yes it is awful and im glad that what im feeling is "normal, my best friend has just had a baby and had 2 stitches, although i was so pleased that she didnt have to go through anything like I did, at the same time I was also so jealous that 45 mins after birth she was bathed, texting everyone her news and holding her baby.
If you dont mind me asking, how long was it before you had sex again, DP is so patient and understanding but I am SOOO not in the mood, like you feel like my body has been wrecked and frightened. :)

well, had sex about 3 months later, it felt very 'tight' and like everything could rip (but it didn't) I think it's too do with the scar tissue being quite hard. The skin did eventually loosen up and I remember lots of mumsnetters recommending rubbing the area with vitamin e oil to loosen up the scar tissue. Scar tissue does shrink so things do get back to normal eventually.

You are obviously a kinder person that me because I used to get so angry when I heard about people having 'normal' births. My best friend had no stitches with her first baby, and was all healed within a few days. I was so jealous (though of course, hid this!) and couldnt help but think 'why did she have such an easy birth, while mine was bloody horrific'. I think this is pretty normal to feel like this though!

Thank you! I hope so, again, I have to keep alot of my feelings inside as I know it is noone else's fault but like you said it is the "why me!"
Thank you so much for putting my mind at ease x

No problem, it was a very dark time for me. No-one ever tells you about these things when you're pregnant. I had no idea what a third degree tear was. I remember reading my notes and thinking oh my god...

Oh bless you I was in a very similar position after the birth of my DS1, physically and emotionally I was a wreck and I couldn't even contemplate sex for almost 18 months. I was too scared of the pain, had no sex drive and I just didn't want to. When I did I found out that actually, there was no pain and it was very much the same as before. We conceived DS2 not long after and I found that the pregnancy and birth were very healing. I did hypnobirthing and it helped enormously with the trauma - I wouldn't advocate going as far as to have another baby to feel better, but you could try hypnotherapy. I was very sceptical but it was wonderful.

DS1 is 5 now and I am physically far from perfect but I'm fine with the state of things. Mentally, I'm 100% or as near as I have ever been!

Me too!! The stupid midwife didn't think the tears were too bad, so tried to give me 12 local aneastetics with me screaming the place down before another one suggested I should go into theatre, have now been told that I must have C Section next time to avoid incontinence!! LOVELY!! I thought it was just me why ive been feeling so down about it all! so Thank you. :)

Thank you Provincial, makes me feel better knowing that you completely had no sex drive too! I do think people under estimate how damaging emotionally it is!
I must go to work now but please all still contact me with your stories/advice and will reply tomorrow.
Many thanks :) x