Up the happy pills or reduce the workload. What would you do?

[minxthemanx]

Heavy sigh. I'm struggling and not sure what to do. Today I have felt like curling up in a ball and sobbing - I'm sure people realise I'm struggling a bit, as I look crap and they keep asking if I'm ok. Here goes - make yourself comfy.
Am under a lot of strain, due to DS1's critical illness earlier this year (sorry, I've posted loads about it.) He's physically a lot better but is emotionally very, very needy and every day is a battle. He constantly says he's not well enough for school etc, and this morning had a strop for an hour, refusing to go, saying his head ache and dizziness was too bad - he's on a lot of neuro medication. In short, he's bloody hard work. Plus there's all the Post Traumatic Stuff that hasn't quite gone away yet. Marriage is unhappy, I've been unhappy for 4 years, which DH has known and still acted like a selfish arse at times. Saw a solicitor in July and told DH I wanted a separation; he's still refusing to move out, so I am stuck with him in the house. I work one long day a week in school, and tutor 3 evenings a week. This means I'm around for school runs, and during the day do housework, plan lessons and prepare dinner. Childminder comes up at 4pm, I go through instructions for putting the shepherd's pie in the oven etc, DH supposedly comes in at 5 and serves it up. (but is often late.) I roll home at 7pm.
It's too much and i'm worried I'll go bang. Am on a small dose of fluoxetine for bad PMT and have been for years - don't know whether to go down the road of increasing the happy pills, or packing in the tutoring. Was very close to phoning the students tonight in tears, saying I can't come. Any thoughts? Please don't give me a hard time as I'm doing the best I can.

Oh, and was having counselling for PTSD, but had to stop that to go to couples counselling with DH (not doing much good). so I really am trying but am really struggling at the moment.

Hi, didn't want to post and run, it all sounds very stressful and sounds like you need some help getting your head together.

Do you really think that giving up the tutoring will make your life easier? If you are planning a separation, won't you need the extra income?

On a different note, I recently had a couple of sessions of hynotherapy to help me with stress-related eczema and they have totally changed my outlook - I feel positive and in control and not easily flustered by everyday things.

Might be worth a thought - the relaxation side of it is lovely in itself too.

good luck

Thanks for that. Feel like I'm trying to be too many things to too maany people, and it's not working.

I don't know what's going on with your DS but it sounds like it's the stress from that which means you are struggling to cope.

Do you find the tutoring in intself stressful? Or is it more the organisation beforehand (getting the dinner ready etc.)

7pm is not that late especially if you haven't been at work during the day.

What is your (D)H doing to "help" with your son?

I love tutoring, really enjoy it and get a lot of satisfaction from it. BUT it can be an organisational nightmare as I'm out of the house from 3.50pm till 7pm - mostly a friend, sort of surrogate granny, acts as childminder, but she goes into hospital next week and so I have no childcare. DH serves up the dinner I've prepared and plays with the boys, then gets them in the bath. Twice in the last week Dh has had something on in the evening, meaning we've needed childcare again from 6pm till I get home - it just gets exhausting, and not great for the boys. If I stopped tutoring and did extra work in school it would be easier from a family point of view, but I feel bad letting the parents down. DS1 take sup so much time and energy, and I'm just exhausted by everything.

If you can get the same amount of income from school work (or enough to make ends meet then do it. Don't worry about letting the parents down, your health comes first.

Getting the day time job will ease the super-mum pressure you are feeling, still give you an income which might come in handy if you DO go for seperation, plus help with the childcare issues.

I would sort that first then think about coming off the drugs later when you are back on an even keel.

You have a lot on your plate, some counselling might be supportive, no wonder you're knackered!

Thanks Bossy, just feel so snowed under with everything that I'm wondering whether I need a stronger dose of fluoxetine. Don't really want to go down that path but I know how wobbly I'm feeling - maybe taking a break from tutoring will help, but will it be enough to keep me sane?

Agree with bossy! Give yourself some space. Good luck.

Being decisive today, as feel so rubbish and close to tears. Seeing Gp later (unfortunately not my own, who knows the history of DS illness, marital difficulties etc) but at least another female. Am thinking she will prob prescribe strong prozac. Have also cancelled one evening of tutoring for the rest of the term, so i have one more tea time at home with the kids instead of running around like a blue arsed fly. DS1 up in the night feeling unwell, and a difficult sod this morning. Am hoping I feel more on top of things for work tomorrow - am worried I'll have some embarrassing meltdown in front of everyone!

I read your post last night but haven't managed to reply until today. When I read it I really felt for you. You have so much to cope with. An ill DS, juggling work hours/childcare and an unhappy marriage, it's no wonder you're stressed and unhappy and this is taking it's toll on your health.

As you are quite low at the moment I think you've made the right decision to go to the GP. It might help to talk to her and if necessary up your prozac for a bit. I know taking 'happy pills' won't remove the problems, but they will enable you to cope if you feel you're sinking. I think you need to take small steps to remove stress but don't make any major changes until you're feeling better. Otherwise when you're feeling a bit brighter, you may regret stopping tutoring altogether.

I'm on ADs myself and they have enabled me to see the wood for the trees. My home life is very stressful and work can be too. My DH was ill and off work for two years. I also have marital problems. I expect I would also have a meltdown if I wasn't on them!

I really hope you start to feel better soon x

Thanks Orange. Have just cried my eyes out in the GP's surgery, very embarrassing, and cried all the way home. She's put me on 40mg fluoxetine. Really, really hope it helps as I feel awful, and am usually Mrs Running Around Coping, How Does She Do It? Type. Hope I can work tomorrow - it's very embarrrassing if I have to hold my hands up to this, as I teach in the DC's school! Hope you're ok, Orange. Crap, isn't it.

It is crap. If it's any comfort I cried in the doctors surgery two years ago. I was embarrassed too but I have a lovely doctor. She said the reason it had all started to get to me was because I'd been trying to be strong and hold it all together for so long and it had finally got too much. I was diagnosed with mild depression. Sounds like this has happened to you. It might take a while but it will get better.

Thanks. Feel totally wiped out this afternoon, not helped by finding my 'lost' memory stick had been run over in the road outside school!! Two people asked if I'm ok, as I obviously look crap. Hope I feel better after a night's sleep and can cope at work tomorrow.

Minx- I remember my Gp saying sometimes it's the strong Running-Around -Coping-Types who suffer the most, as we all feel we Ought to be Coping & put so much pressure on ourselves!!

Could you get DH to agree to go to Relate to at least help him see how much you are struggling even if it doesn't help the marriage long term? (& hopefully it might)

Also go for quick & easy meals, use convenience foods if you have to for a while/or to supplement your cooking. Do online shopping to cut down on a chore even if it's just for all the basics so your shopping is just a quick 20 minute dash for fresh stuff.

Don't be hard on yourself , you're doing great & I'm sure oince the extra meds kick in you'll sart to feel better,don't worry about taking them they are a great help & it isn't such a huge dose, honestly.

Take Care-keep offloading here if it helps.

counselling for yourself might help a lot..if you could fit it in though, you sound overstretched :(

Thanks girls, have felt less emotional today and more my old self, and had a good day at work, tho still look shite!
Counselling - yes, we have been going to a couples counsellor, but not sure it's getting us anywhere. Have tried Relate in the past. I was having counselling for myself to deal with the post trauma of DS1's illness, but had to stop that to start the couples counselling. maybe I'd be better off going back to my counsellor - it was having more benefit! I told DH last night that the stress is making me ill, and if we're not careful I'll be VERY ill (tho didn't tell him about a/ds as I don't want that thrown back in my face some time). He was concerned and said, "we don't want that" but clearly still has no intention of the temporary separation I've asked for.

just read your messages.glad today was a better day.upping the meds as a measure to help pull you through a tough patch isnt a bad thing.putting your needs up there as important and going to individual counselling makes sense to me.maybe addressing how you get the break you want from DH at least offers a practical way to reduce some stress?hope tomorrow a good day..couple good days i a row a simple lift,but a comforting one

Good luck. Be kind to yourself.counselling for you will hive you space.

thanks girls. have also booked a night at Champneys with my friende next weekend, to get away from it all.

I'd do both things. Up the meds, reduce the stress and find your way back to a more relaxed state of mind. Hope the change helps. x

Excellent Minx, sounds like you are giving YOU some time, have a good w/e & an even better one next week!