Depression in pregnancy

[spankybimbo]

Can anyone help me? My daughter, a very capable professional woman, is expecting her second baby (her daughter nearly 2) She is weepy and depressed and although she loves her daugher feels tied and stifled by being at home with her. And now dreads the time she will be with another child.

She did not return to her job after no 1 as the conditions were not practical and she now fears she will never have a career again.

As her mother I am so worried about her. She is a brilliant mother but this is not enough for her. I am worried about her new baby who seems to be coming into the world unwanted. She has a lovely husband and all they need including a supportive family.

She is seeing a counsellor weekly and this seems to be a good thing as she can talk about her feelings freely but will it bring the result the family need - for her to be happy about herself as a mother.

Has anyone else had these feelings - how did you come through it - I am desperate to help and support my daughter and her husband and we love our grandchildren dearly. Even us having them for a day or two is not a solution as she has nothing and no body stimulating to be with - basically he misses her work as a creative marketeer.

I want to know what help is available for people who feel like this and also what I can do to help.

So Help!!!!

I'm in a similar position to your daughter, but not having counselling and don't have any family near me. I think when the baby comes she will be busy dealing with the baby care & hopefully if she can avoid PND then she may find it interesting/challenging to cope with the two DC & also fascinating to see how they react with one another, which is different to having the first. Hopefully if she is kept busy then the negative side of things will recede.

If possible she should plan to do activities with the DC, if she doesn't already do this - this will get her out & about & provide some kind of routine & sense of busy-ness, not to mention advantages of socialisation for the DC & hopefully the chance to meet other parents that she may build up a friendship with. Looking after the younger baby could be helpful for her if she does this. This was the strategy I used with my first DS - going out as often as possible & it felt tiring & often not fulfilling for me but was way better than the alternative. After about 2.5yrs I did meet a "mummy friend" with similar values which was good.

Lack of sleep in the early days with the new baby is also something you could help with, making sure she takes naps whenever possible, as being better rested should make her frame of mind better. Maybe later on she could think about doing some exercise if she is into that, as physical activity will also help state of mind & give her some of her own time. This is often suggested & altho I never used to do exercise I did some personal training before getting pregnant with DC2 & found I did enjoy seeing the benefit & felt better for it.

Planning things is also good for keeping up morale & makes for lovely memories - little breaks or even days out, as a family & separately as a couple or with friends/other family. Perhaps you could somehow gently encourage that. It is great you are looking out for her. I'm not sure if any of what I've written is going to be of help, it sounds a bit trite written out but your description struck a chord with me, & it doesn't address the possible longer term issues. I hope it turns out well for you all.

I had ante-natal depression with DS2 and have had similar feelings of disatisfaction with being a SAHM.

I found that the main thing that has helped me has been doing some regular exercise. I got myself a personal trainer a couple of times a week and it has had a huge effect on my mental health.

Ante-natal depression hit me hard (I really resented my unborn baby and constantly wished him away) but it lifted like a cloud an hour after he was born - wacky wacky hormones! Hopefully she will feel better once the baby actually arrives.

Could she consider doing some freelance work once or twice a week or starting her own business from home? Maybe volunteering for a day per week (i've started doing this and it is actually really rewarding as well as a good way to meet new people).

All these things are so easy to suggest when you're feeling healthy, but they feel impossible when you're suffering depression. It's such a viscious circle - you need to get out and do things to feel better, but you don't feel capable of getting out to do things. In retrospect, I really wish my DH had forced the issue and got me up and about sooner. I had no other friends or family around to push me to action.