Help - addicted to alcohol life spinning out of control

[Dependantonthevino]

Im drinking close on 2/3 bottles of wine a day - am a regular on here but have name changed so not to be outted in real life.

I read most people drink half a bottle or a couple of glasses a night - but i cant stop. More often then not its a bottle hidden somewhere in the house that i glug out of. Then i get drunk and embarass myself. My DH finds empties around the house and confronts me and I deny drinking them which causes huge arguments.

I think this has been steadily going on for around 10 years, managed to stay sober during my pregnancy but as soon as my daughter ws born I was back on it. Yesterday DH and I had a huge row and he actually hit me; he told me he was totally sick of my behaviour and either I needed to sort it out or leave. I need help ... i know that but dont know which way to turn. Can anyone tell me what I need to do? Its so bad that today I had to keep my daughter home from school as a) I am really hungover so cant drive and 2) I have bruises on my face.

I dont know how this has got so out of control.....

I'm so sorry Dependant. You must be feeling terrible.

Do what Beertricks suggests (and others on here). Get in touch with GP and AA. Please don't use your DH's decision as an excuse to drink more. I'm not suggesting that you would, but can imagine it might be tempting to use it as a crutch.

I wish you all the best. x

I have pm'd you OP.

When is your GP appointment?

Please do not just stop drinking,you are consuming a vast amount of alcohol daily 30 units? You need to speak to your GP about a detox programme with supported help.

Please be very honest with your GP,you need help to crack your addiction.

If AA is not for you there are other options.Google SMART recovery.

If you feel suicidal please do call the Samaritians- 08457 90 90 90

Please phone them now.

I was speaking to a man this morning who has been in recovery from alcohol for two years and was telling me how good life is now. Spoke to my recovering drug addict brother this morning, clean for nearly four months now and he's feeling great. It can be done, is done by people every day, and you can do it too.

Dependant, I'm sorry that things have reached this point.

You can turn this around. Don't tell your DH what you are going to do about your drinking. Show him. Actions count a hell of a lot more than words.

Your dh is going to need more than a promise to re-build trust....and you will need time to trust yourself, too. It must feel impossible to believe at the moment, but honestly, I promise - AA promises, for that matter - if you do all you can to get yourself sober and happier, things will get a lot, lot better. And 'things' might, or might not, include your marriage - only one way to find out.

It sounds so easy to say, but it really is in your hands - use them to reach out for help, ongoingly, and you'll be amazed.

Will be rooting for you, and remembering how much daily, hourly, second-by-second sometimes, effort it took in the beginning. Just take one bit at a time.

Am thinking about you, dear.

One step at a time - and seeking help from your GP is the first step. Drinking has become a prison for you, but with support you can be a free woman again. Don't be ashamed; many, many people have been where you are now. To be honest, this will be a routine problem for your GP so he/she will be unfazed.

Your DH will be so relieved you are finally doing something positive. But whatever happens with regard to him, you now have the opportunity to enter a new, much happier phase of your life. Please, please take it.

One day you will look back at 2 November 2011 and regard it as the day you changed your life.

I have posted on the Brave Babes thread.

Hi,

Just wanted to post and say I was in a very similar position and have now been sober nearly 2years.

Phone AA it changed my life and can Change yours too xx

Also thinking about you.

It's said that a drinker reaches rock bottom before they climb back up again. Now you will start to climb up, and one day at a time you will get the help you need (great advice here on MN), start to feel better, and re-establish your relationship with your DH. You will always be your DD's mum and you will improve that relationship, too, by miles, when you get help for your drinking.

Your DH is right to be appalled at hitting you, btw.

All best wishes. x

I feel so sorry for you, clearly you are seriously addicted and need to make a choice between your addiction to alchohol or your family, its one or the other. Dont let the bottle win, be strong, take each day at a time and get help from your doctor. I wish you well.

I haven't got any advice for you, except there are people here you can keep talking to.

I wish you well in your recovery from this horrible disease, you're in my prayers.

If you can't talk to AA right now then make sure you go to your GP. So what if he's known you for 19 years, all the more reason to pull out all the stops to help you. Be totally honest when you see him, tell him exactly how bad things are. Write it down beforehand if you want and just give him a letter if you can't talk once you're there.

Well done for your efforts so far. But you need to keep going now you are on the right path.

Your DH has done the right thing as your DD must be his priority until you get better. You'll come through this, I am sure of it.

Keep posting.

You've done really well on your efforts so far, hope that's not patronising but I really respect that you are admitting your issues and reaching out. It means a lot and you have every chance of getting through this x

My dad drunk for years, my mum left with my db & ds, then he turned up at my house drunk at xmas eve and i wouldnt let him see my dd who was 3 at the time so he smashed my window and threw the presents through it. We told him to get help or that was it, he picked the bottle for 2 more years and missed so much family stuff. Then he contacted AA who were fab (my dad said) cut a long story short it took him 18 months to slowly stop drinking and i supported him the whole way he is now one of the best dads/ grandads u could get! (he was even with me when i had my ds and the first one to hold him) please please call AA or see your GP. FIRST STEP IS ADMITTING U HAVE A PROBLEM AND U HAVE DONE THAT! please dont waste years like my dad did. Love to you xx

The Update; have posted on the Brave Babes section but I have so many PM's that I thought I would repaste here.

I managed to stay off the bottle yesterday. Saw my GP who has recommended AA and also counselling. He also booked me in for bloods as the amount I am - was - consuming could have caused me serious liver damage - so waiting for the results of those.

DH has taken some of his things and moved out. He took yesterday afternoon off from work; spoke to his parents and managed to find a two bed flat around the corner from his parents home, he gets the keys on Monday and will be staying with DD at his parents until then.

His parents came with him the second time he came to help him collect his things - MIL asked me to forgive his actions - turns out he told them that he beat me but didnt tell them why. She asked if i was going to be pressing charges and told me she wouldnt blame me if i did. FIL told me how ashamed he was of his sons actions

She kept asking why it was all going on and the fact that DD has gone with him makes no sense to them. I'm very good at hiding my boozing, able to cook great meals etc whilst glugging it back so as far as they are concerned everything seemed rosey. Kept wondering how they would have felt to hear the truth and how i nearly killed their grandson...

DH has said to me that he doesnt want his parents to know as word will get round too quickly and its not fair on DD - He asked me what I want to do about the house; hes taken the car as he said he couldnt live with himself if i ended up killing someone. He also offered me 480 a month - seems like he has given this a lot of thought - said thats what he could afford to give me - but only directly towards bills or payments not for anything else (guess he means the booze).

I'm so determined not to carry on this way; i really want to thank you all for yesterday. There was no one in RL that I could/can turn toand the support on here has been overwhelming.

Thank You.

Second day of lifting this fug from my scrabbled head.

This is good news. The GP's recommendations are good ones, and I hope you choose to take them. Wishing you a calm day. You're doing so well.

You've got a choice. You either continue drinking until you end up dead or you pick yourself, get some help and quit. It can be done but it won't be easy and you have to really, really want to quit.

My dad is a recovering alcoholic and his second and third marriages both broke up due to his drinking. When his third wife left him he was absolutly devestated so he quit drinking, just like that. I wouldn't necessarily recommend you do that and I'm surprised he managed it without becoming very unwell purely because of the amount he was drinking (a bottle of gin a day) but I just wanted you to know that it can be done if you want it enough.

Nearly four years on he's re-married and AFAIK hasn't gone back to the booze. He's a different man. I know how devestating his third wife leaving was for all concerned but I'm actually glad now that she did leave because if she hadn't and he'd continued to drink he'd probably be dead now.

Maybe once you're off the drink your husband may come back, maybe he won't and you mustn't blame him if he doesn't but you have to view this as a wake up call. You're the only one who can change things though so get started today.

Please don't fight your DH for your daughter though because right now she's better off with him, that's not to say it'll always be that way but right now you need to concentrate on getting yourself sorted, if not for you then for your DD. It won't be easy but think of your little girl. She deserves to have her mum around and for her mum not to be drunk. You owe it to her to make that happen.

WELL DONE for going to your GP. You said he recommended AA. Have you called them? If not can you do that today? Also, can you find a counsellor for yourself. If your town has a womens centre they should offer low cost counselling. Google, get their number, and call them.

You have done the hardest bit, you've admitted to yourself you have a problem. Now you ned to find people with the knowledge and experience to help you find your solution.

Keep going and keep posting.

Well done OP. One day at a time and all that.

Are you sure you do not want your IL's to know what has been going on? They sound like decent people and the more support you have the easier it will be for you. It may be the hardest conversation you have ever had to have but in the long run it may be the most honest and ultimately useful.

The truth tends to come out one way or another so it might as well come from you in your time and your words.

Well done on getting to the GP - really, well done.

Now get to an AA meeting - it feels like a big step, but honestly its SO comforting and easy once you get yourself there. Phone them, or find your nearest meeting (womens meetings are great if there is one in your area) and get to it. Don't think, just do it.

And yes, its one day - one hour if necessary, one minute - at a time.

Hoping for you, xx

well done.
You can only stay off the booze one day at a time. You have done it for one day. Now you can do it of another for the sake of your dc.
Your DH seems to have given this a lot of thought and must be hurting bad just as you are.
Good luck.
Get some exercise, thats my 'crutch' I get grumpy if I dont run, row or push weights every day.

Brilliant news OP, agree exercise can help you distract yourself. You can don it, many others have. One day this could all be a distant memory.

Well done, stay strong and keep going foward. Thinking of you and your family xx