DD (14 months) visiting me in hospital??

[cardamomginger]

I will be having surgery at the end of next month and will be in hospital for 7 days. DD, who will be 14 months, and I have not been separated before for longer than a few hours and I am wondering what is the best thing for her. She has people she knows and loves (DH, my Dad and our wonderful cleaner) caring for her so she will be in her own home with her own things around her, which I am sure will be a great help to her. My initial thoughts were that it would be too distressing for her to come to the hospital to visit me - it'll be a strange place, I won't be able to pick her up (lower abdominal surgery and I must not lift anything) and depending on how wriggly and kicky she is, I might not be able to cuddle her properly, and then of course I won't be coming home with her. But a friend today suggested that whilst a visit might upset her a bit in the short term, it might actually be better for her if she did come and visit me. Any thoughts?? Of course, all this is contingent upon the hospital being amenable to visitors as young as this - although I'll have my own room which might make a visit easier logistically.
Does anyone have any thoughts about how to explain to her that I'll be going away for a week and when to do this?

After the surgery I'm not going to be able to pick her up for 8 weeks and due to wriggling and kicking cuddling might be tricky as well (have childcare in place for this period), so I'm starting to practice holding her with me sitting on the floor with her so she gets used to this as an alternative and nice way of being close. Any other tips gratefully received!!

I think that your first instinct was the right one. With little ones, there is a certain element of 'out of sight, out of mind'. Not that she won't miss you, or ask for you, but that she will be easily distracted by someone who knows her well.

The logistics of visiting are all tricky; at what point in your stay would she come, and then how often? what time of day (to fit round her sleep and your visiting times)? and what would you do with her when she was there to keep her entertained? I think she would find it hard to go home again, leaving you in hospital, as she's too little to understand why you can't come too.

I've got to have a radioactive treatment after Christmas. Following the treatment my DC can't come within a metre of me for a fortnight afterwards. I've decided it would be fairer to them for me to stay elsewhere, particularly for my youngest who's 2. They won't be able to understand that I can't cuddle them if they're hurt, or give them bedtime kisses.

I know I will find 2 weeks away from them really, really hard. But I also know that will be the best, least confusing thing, for them (other than me having a magic wand and not having to have it done )

I think starting to have play and cuddles on the floor now is a great idea though!

I had a hysterectomy when DD was 10 months old (DS was 2.8) and the hospital refused full stop to let them visit me in the ward even though I was in for 4 days. TBH the first 2 days were a write off anyway as I was recovering from the OP and hooked up to machines, there really wouldn't have been any point in the children seeing me like that, I didn't really need any visitors at that point.

In the end the hospital said the children could visit on day 3 but I would have to meet them down the corridor in a waiting area as under 12's couldn't visit the ward. It was fine, the kids were more interested in the toys and magazines anyway .

The children had a whale of a time with my family while I was recovering (I'm a LP, no dad around). The week mummy went into hospital is remembered as the week they went to see Thomas the Tank engine. Really no problems at all.

Much like Meglet, I had a radical hysterectomy when ds2 was 15 months old and both he and ds1 went to my mums for the week.

It was really hard for me but it meant dh could visit every day which was a godsend and ds2 really wasn't affected. He had a good time at my mums and came back knowing nothing was wrong.

I think with hindsight ds1(3) was more intuitive than I realised and knew something was wrong (I had cancer) but couldn't verbalise it.

I just said to my ds's that mummy had something poorly in her tummy that needed removing and that was that. They were young enough to take that at face value.

I hope everything goes ok op. I'm sure there are a fair few of us here who have had abdominal surgery if you need more support.

ballstoit I'm sorry you are having to have radiotherapy, that must be really hard for you and your family I hope you are ok and getting the support you need.

Thanks so much for sharing your experiences - only sorry that you have all had/will have to go through this! meglet and doyouthink, I really hope you are well now and ballstoit, really hope that you will be OK.

I have bad birth injuries and November's surgery is stage 1 of the repairs (Burch's colposuspension and uterosacral plication to hoik up the uterus as I really want to avoid a hysterectomy if at all possible). I'll have stage 2 (posterior vaginal wall repair, mend the pelvic floor muscles and sort out vaginal opening) 3-6 months after this. DD will be older then and this might make it easier to explain to her what's happening, but I hope it won't make the separation harder for her.

I'll see if other people post with other advice, but my gut instinct is no visits. General anaesthesia knocks the hell out of me and when I had my gallbladder out that hurt like all hell and I could hardly move. And that was keyhole and November's excitement will be large open incision. I think it will stress her. It will stress me. And I think I'll be scared of her coming too close too enthusiastically and poking me somewhere where she shouldn't. Thanks again, ladies. X