DH's OCD

[kelster77]

My DH (who i've been with for 13 years and married for 4) has OCD. He was diagnosed approx. 8 years ago and has had CBT which has really helped. He still gets his bad periods, particualry when stressed.

We have just had a DD and i am worried about the impact his OCD will have on her and whether she will be more likely to develop it.

DH's OCD means that he is very protective of our belongings - it sends him into "an episode" if he thinks that anything has been damaged, even slightly. It does drives me to distraction and results in tension between us even though i know that he can't help it. i try to ignore it as much as possible, and certainly don't do anything which encourages it/colludes in it.

In every other respect our relationship is perfect and i love him dearly.

Does anyone have any experience on the best was of preventing his behaviour affecting our DD?

Any suggestions would be great :)

Sorry - that should read "best ways of preventing his behaviour"

Hi. No words of wisdom, I'm afraid. My own father has OCD (and I don't have it!). His main things are checking rituals (that things are switched off, or where he has put them) and hand washing. He does a fair amount of childcare for DD (13 months) and I'm worried it might have an effect on her. I know what you mean about it driving you nuts - my Dad's is unable to assess real risk appropriately and sometimes has done daft things with with DD. That contrast between inappropriate attention to imaginary issues of hygiene and his occasional inability to act sensibly around DD drives me mad even though I know that the OCD is a mental health issue. Grrr!!! My Dad has depression and once the anti-depressants have kicked in properly and he's on a more even keel, I'm going to have A Chat with him about getting some therapy - he's always refused to have CBT or any kind of help so I might be hitting my head against a wall on this one. My Dad definitely gets worse in times of stress - could some longer term therapy for your DH help in that he would always have someone to talk to when things get too stressy to try to avoid the stress being expressed through OCD? Sorry I haven't got any help for you. Maybe posting this on the mental health board might be an idea? Good luck and congratulations on your DD X

??? Honesty??? Getting hugely stressed around your dd when your dh is having one of his "episodes" would be about as harmful as you could get, I would have thought, and if your dd ever shows signs of OCD-like behaviour, totally over-reacting to this would also be bad.

thanks for the replies.

Cardamomginger - Dh had lengthy CBt at the Maudsley in London, which did help enormously and enabled us to live a more "normal" life (i.e he began socialisign again etc), and i have encouraged him at difficult times to give the therapist a call again.

Can i ask if your Dads ocd affected you as you were growing up? Did you notice it or just accept it as being part of your Dad?

Rabbit - I know getting stressed is not good, but it is very difficult! However, the therapist told us (me and in-laws) to be extremely careful you don't do anything to encourage his ocd such as reassuring him etc. I therefore try and simply ignore it and let him work it through in his own way and in his own time.

The pure OCD behaviour didn't really impact on me - other than boring me because he took ages to e.g. leave the house, switch the car engine off, etc. I just viewed it as Dad being Dad and that all parents are irritating when you are growing up so the fact that I was irritated by mine was no different from other people. What did affect me more was his hoarding - really made the house impossible to invite friends over to and that was very tricky for me socially. I think the difference between the OCD and the hoarding (which I think can go along with OCD) is that his OCD behaviours were essentially private and to do with him, whereas his hoarding was conducted in the public family space and the effects were always there and needed to be lived with. Now it is impacting on my life - sometimes he has prioritised his handwashing over caring for DD, e.g has to wash his hands before helping me with a particularly grim nappy, hasn't washed his hands recently so lets DD fall over rather than save her from a tumble (inside and on the carpet, I should stress!). These sorts of issues are going to be the basis of The Chat I'm going to have with him.

I think that unless you live with someone with OCD you don't know how stressful it is. I also think that there is a tendency for people (even including some healthcare professionals, although this attitude may have lessened over the years) to prioritise the comfort/discomfort of the OCD sufferer and that the rest of the family should basically find a way to suck it up, so to speak. Actually, no.

Would some counselling for you help?

XX

Thanks for that - it really helps getting from "a childs point of view". I really hope that our DD views it as you did :). the main issue i'm concerned about from her point of view is that i don't want her treading on eggshells round the house - children will damage things and i hope DH (or should i say his ocd) accepts that.

As far as counselling for me is concerned, i don't really think i need that - its just sometimes you need someone to talk rant to about it.

goodluck with your chat with your Dad - as i said before, CBT really helped my DH and i really don't think we would be where we are now without it.

kelster77 - if you don't tread on eggshells around your dh when he is particularly ocdish, then I suspect your dd will copy your attitude. Have you raised your concerns with your dh?????

My Grandparents both had OCD. My father and one aunt went completely unscathed (in fact my father, in marrying my mother, married quite honestly one of the untidiest people in the world.) My other aunt developed it herself. I spent a lot of time with my grandparents when I was younger, and their OCDs just irritated me. Although I did come to the conclusion that I prefer living in a tidy house ....

Has he tried Paxil? I had OCD and depression. I started taking Paxil and it stopped the OCD! It was and is a wonderful result. I knew what would have bothered me, but could think, what the hell, it will be okay. It allowed me to travel, to interact freely with grandchildren, to just be normal.