Worries - possible PND

[dangalf]

Hi, I'm a little worried that my wife may have PND. I've asked her once about it but she just blanked me really when I did.

She's told me she has had a couple of anxiety attacks. I know she did not have these prior to the baby. I've also noticed that she sometmies seems irritable, does not have much appetite and sometimes will barely interact with me. She's doing a great job with the baby (and I try to tell her this) but she has mentioned at tmes about feeling like she is not coping well. This morning she said she was feeling run-down like she may be coming down with something.

I'm worried about her but do not know how to approach it. Like I said the one time I brought it up she just ignored me really. She's quite a tough cookie, and unlikely to admit to these sort of things I think - which of course cuold make it all worse. I'm helping where I can, generally taking the baby from when I get back from work and before I go to work, taking her as much as possible on weekends etc. I'm just worried and don't know what to do. I can't make her go to the doctor and if I am wrong and it is general tiredness from the hard work of looking after a baby all day then I don't want to make her think that I think she is doing a bad job by suggesting she may have it.

sorry, rambling... any advice greatly appreciated.

Thanks

it's nice that you're concerned, welcome to reality of life with a small baby!

No practical advice as you could be describing me, I always find it gets better/easier after the first year and you begin to feel more like yourself again. There is probably a better/earlier way though involving the GP but I too would never admit to anyone was struggling at times.

You can never go back though and things will never be exactly the same again - she will be more irritable, tired etc - I think it is maybe better to focus on learning to live with that.

It may not be pnd, anxiety attacks could be related to post traumatic stress from the birth for example - it doesn't have to be a horrorshow btw to end up with ptsd, just feeling out of control could be enough. Or it could just be normal re-adjusting to a new demanding life with a tiny fragile baby. Everyone feels a bit out of their depth at some point I expect, its a learning experience and sometimes you will get things wrong and feel bad about it.

I would watch and listen to her if she brings up anxiety or not coping rather than labelling it pnd. Sounds like you are doing great with taking the baby when you can which will really help ime.

Remember also that praise like you are doing a great job MIGHT make her think "oh but he doesn't know I did X and Y earlier, I'm not great at all" so maybe focus more on specific things, remind how scared and clueless you both were when the baby first arrived etc.

you sound like a lovely husband

Personally I think you should bring up the subject of how she is feeling again when you are together and have no distractions. I know from personal experience that PND can progress very quickly from feeling a bit low, to much much worse than that. Just tell her that you are worried and that you want to help. If she does have PND or a problem with anxiety, it is easily treated and all too common...her GP or Health Visitior will have seen it thousands of times before and will be able to help you both.

Please don't ignore the issue though (and it doesn't sound at all like you will)...I will always say that's it's better to err on the side of caution.