I found out a few years ago that I have spina bifida and a tethered spinal cord, I'd struggled from childhood with walking and continence but no-one worked out the cause until my GP ordered an MRI for what she thought might be a slipped disc.
By that stage I'd got to the point where I could hardly walk so just over 2 years ago I had neurosurgery to try to release my cord. I'd count the surgery as successful as it got me back on my feet but it was very painful and I ended up with a spinal fluid leak and meningitis meaning I spent 7 weeks in hospital with a lumbar drain. It is not something I want to repeat but I have been warned there is a high chance I will need further surgeries and each one is likely to be less successful.
My moan now is that over the past couple of months I have felt that I am deteriorating again, the sensation in my left leg is almost all gone apart from a continual burning pain and I am noticing that I'm injuring it without realising. I'm also stumbling more and at dd's sports day a few weeks ago (they do it in Sept at her school) I realised I can no longer stay upright for more than a few minutes without something to hold onto.
I don't want to go through that surgery again, I don't want my dh, my children, my family and friends to have to go through me having surgery again. I want to bury my head in the sand and pretend it isn't happening but that's becoming harder and harder.
I know there are people here and elsewhere going through much worse but I needed to have a moan away from those who love me.