I am being pathetic but I am terrified

[reallyfuckingscared]

I'm waiting to go for sigmoidoscopy because I have developed bowel problems and have family history of bowel cancer. All my symptoms point to bowel polyps at least, or worse. I am 30 and they have developed over a few months.

I am not scared for me but I have 2 tiny children and DH has already lost one parent to cancer and his remaining parent has terminal cancer. He lost another close relative to the disease earlier this year. He already feels picked on by the disease. How do I tell him if there's a problem found? It would destroy him. I need him to be strong for the children but it seems too much to ask. I'm terrified of the effect it could have on him.

It's less than 2 weeks til my appointment and I will be given the findings that day. I just want to prepare myself but I am at a loss and tied in knots with worrying :(

((rfs))) Rushing to school run, but couldn't let your post go unanswered....waiting for tests and being scared its cancer is a painful place to be. Especially in the context of all the family loss you've had recently...and history.

All I can say is breathe, look at your feet and remember where you are today: fine, with two small children to look after, and a hugely excellent chance of carrying on doing just that for a very long time to come. Even if - and it really is if - you did have bc, it would be caught early: everyone I know who has had bc and had it caught early is fine and well after treatment. My BF's mum had it 15 years ago, for example.

Odds are its either polyps, which are also hugely treatable (and mean you'll get gold standard prevention care for the rest of your life) or something not even related to cancer....but with the history, and the loss, you are bound to be spiralling down one track. I would be.

Big hugs and lots of distracting thoughts coming your way - 2 weeks must feel like an age, but it will pass. Hope others chime in with hands to hold, xx

Your reply means so much to me. Thank you for your reassurance. I think you are right, I need to take a deep breath.

RFS - you are right, you really do. It's hard not to let thoughts run away with you, but if you can calm your mind down it will do you the world of good. You have been getting way ahead of yourself. Totally understandable, but everything Elibean says is true.

The waiting is very, very hard. Whatever diagnosis you get, it will come with a treatment plan, and that is likely to be much, much easier to deal with than this current horrible limbo.

If you can, share some of your worries with your partner, he will know something is up and will want to be a support. You can't do this alone, and you don't need to try. x