Feeling very very low again

[goodmum123]

I don't know if this belongs in this thread but I cannot get away from feeling so bloody low most of the time. I once thought it was PND but hasn't gone away.

I do have many other things going on in life, which I know others have too and worse but sometimes I feel so low it doesn't bear thinking about.

I am mean to my wonderful husband sometimes and have started smoking again after 3 years. I have even planned to drive my car into a wall (without baby) but chickened out. I sometimes weirdly plan how I might die and then 'pull myself together'

I don't know what to do as sometimes I feel on top of the world and think to myself, 'what was all that about?'

Does anyone else out there feel the same and how did you cope?

It doesn't help that my fil recently died of cancer and to add to that my step-mother and sil turned on me and started accusing me of being disrespectful at the funeral (absolute rubbish) and other things. I mull it over constantly and have it completely out of proportion. I wake up thinking about it and go to bed thinking about it.

Sorry ive gone on too long but hope to find some support out there as i seem to have no one.

To the outside world I seem to have everything (probably have, im just being so selfish)

Have you spoken to your GP, goodmum? - because if you haven't you need to asap.

Feeling guilty that you feel bad when others have it worse, calling yourself selfish for feeling low
Contemplating ways to die
Blowing things out of proportion
Overthinking things to the point where you are thinking of nothing else.

These are all classic signs of depression, - have you had treatment before, for PND? Your GP can help you, there are various types of antidepressants, and talking therapies available, which would help you and bring you back to an even keel. It is an illness and you need a medical professional to help you. It is nothing to be ashamed of - I have depression, as do many other people, and there is help out there.

Please make an appointment tomorrow to see your doctor, and there are loads of helpful people on here who are happy to talk if you want to, and on the mental health threads as well.

take care xx

How old is your DC?

It could still be PND even after a longish period. I have just started taking ADs and my youngest is 3 and a half.

I have also thought about driving into a wall. In fact. when I found out I was pregnant with my youngest, I actually planned to kill myself after he was born. I had it all figured uot...how I would do it, where, when.

It all sounds really ghoulish I know, but when you are in the grip of depression, you think in a strange way.

You really need to see your GP and be totally honest with them. When I went to my GP I was reduced to snotty tears in less than 2 mins. I felt really embarrassed but they see it all the time, so no bother.

Getting proffessional help is helping me to get my head together after spending the last few years living in a fog of despair.

So do it tommorrow.

How are you today goodmum?

Thank you both for your replies. It was much appreciated and im sorry ive only just managed to get on to reply but i have had work.

My baby is 11 months old and is absolutely wonderful.

Im ok and seriously contemplating going to the doctor but tbh im worried about the medical record i will then have, silly i know.

I feel resonably well again but i have so much family crap going on with the in-laws, who live next to me!! that i know it wont be long before i feel crap again. Normally i don't think their nastiness and village gossip would have bothered me as much but when you feel a bit low then rubbish like that can really bring a person down.

Im sorry you have had depression but im glad you are having treatment. I often think that if i weren't here what on earth would i be doing to my little girl, growing up without a mum who decided to take her own life. that and my husband has kept me from sinking that low so far.

So, i will carry on and think about a visit to the doctor and i will try not to let people bother me so much whilst i try to get my head straight.

Thank you again and i will post again soon xx

Hi goodmum, sorry to hear you are suffering like this. I had very serious PND and was completely irrational and had mad thoughts and lived in a state of fear and honestly believed there was no way out. When I couldn't go on, I confided in my doctor and was referred to a consultant. I went onto seroxat and was on it for two years. It was a miracle drug and I have now been depression free for 8 years. I honestly believe the serotonin in my brain was out of order and the drugs helped put it right. However, I had to come off the drugs very very slowly cos they made me irritable when coming off, but this was short lived. The hardest part was asking for help. The consultant told me even serious PND was 100% treatable and he was right. Good luck!

Thank you alexbear,
I have an appointment with my doctor tomorrow. Im glad you are in recovery x

I'm really pleased you've made an appointment goodmum, - it's a brave thing to do when you are feeling very low, - I hope everything goes well and you are soon on the road to recovery.