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Original poster

Just learnt my Dad has prostate cancer. Am very scared. Any positive stories/advice please?

76 replies

Pin0t · 12/08/2011 11:06

My Dad had a raised PSA blood test, then a clip biopsy. He has been told he has 4 tumours in his prostate. He has had an MRI and they are non-aggressive, but are attempting to move out from the prostate into both the seminal something or other and another place I can't remember (I'm very flustered still).

He is seeing the specialist on the 17th to discuss treatment but I was hoping for MN advice, stories, hand-holding as I feel like a rug has been pulled out from under me at the moment.

My Dad is 67 and is being very calm and intelligent about it. I'm not - I'm tearful and scared that I'm going to lose him

OP posts:
learningtofly · 12/08/2011 14:54

Hi my dad had a raised psa level for years and numerous biopsies which were neg until last year. He had radical surgery to remove an aggressive tumour but recovered well. He is now 60 and being monitored closely, psa level is starting to rise again but radiotherapy may be considered if it gets too high.

In himself he is absolutely fine and says it will take more than that to finish him off!

sausagesandmarmelade · 12/08/2011 15:09

My Dad had it several years ago, he had an op and check ups for a few years afterwards...but it didn't return and he's right as rain now.

fluffyanimal · 12/08/2011 16:19

Thank you for your kind words Pin0t, obviously I will always miss my dad, but I do genuinely see his story as a positive one, because he lived on, and lived well, for 10 years after diagnosis with an aggressive form, defying all the consultants' expectations. He did all the things we wanted to do: gave me away at my wedding, was a good grandpa to DS1 and knew I was expecting DS2 before he died. Also in the short time that things did become grim, he had wonderful support from Macmillan .

Georgimama · 12/08/2011 16:26

A dear uncle of mine was diagnosed with prostate cancer over 15 years ago. He died earlier this year at 86 of a heart attack (completely unrelated to the cancer) having enjoyed good health and never having needed any aggressive treatment for the prostate. So as someone said, he died with prostate cancer rather than of it.

iggii · 12/08/2011 22:48

I came on tonight to look for some info about prostate cancer - very sorry to hear your news Pinot, a big shock even when the outlook looks good, as so many have said. I am not where you are as yet, but DH was found to have an enlarged prostate today and we now have to wait for the blood test to come back. As you say, the rug is pulled out from under you. Hope all goes well for you.

SageMist · 12/08/2011 22:56

Dad had operation to remove prostate tumour 3 years ago. All well since. He has a friend who was diagnosed 15 years ago but not well enough (other long term illness) to have treatment on prostate, he's still alive and well (except for other long term illness). Hth

StealthPolarBear · 12/08/2011 22:57

Georgi, sorry to hear about your uncle's death.
iggii, hope all is well with your DH

SingForSomalia · 12/08/2011 23:02

Hello
I'm sorry about what you are going through, the beginning is always shocking and overwhelming. in 2008 my dad was diagnosed with bowel cancer and I was devastated - it was advanced and at first I cried all the time and imagined his funeral and wanted to be with him all the time. I remember speaking to a friend who's father had prostate cancer but was then in the clear. i remember her telling me to prepare myself for a the worst year of my life, she was talking about his treatment and how it was going to put him through so much and how it horrible it will be to see him go through it. But to stay strong for him because he will get through it. There is not enough said for positive thinking. She was right when my dad started his treatment and ops he was reduced to a shadow of himself, at times he looked like death and I was so upset but I remembed what my friend said and we constanlty talked about what we were going to do after when he was better and blamed how he looked and felt on the treatment etc. I am so glad my friend had prepared me because I would have just thought it was him dying but the drugs are so strong that its their effect. It was not a nice time but the positives that came out of it was lots of talking and bonding. I'm happy to say my dad is now in the clear and if he does get cancer again I will not be so scared but just feel ready to help him get through it. My friends dad is totally fine too. Although my dads treatment was more to two years he is doing really well now. Sending lots of strength and healing vibes your way. x

Fleecy · 12/08/2011 23:26

My Dad was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer last January - he also had four tumours. He had his prostate removed shortly after and did struggle to regain continence but is now in good health and has been told if they hadn't got to it so quickly, things would have been different.

He was very lucky as he is unusual in that his PSA levels weren't particularly raised - he was tested because four relatives in their 50s and early 60s were diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer including his brother so Dad thought he'd better go to the Doctor to check out what he had thought were standard enlarged prostate problems.

Anyway, the thing is that you have a diagnosis so it can now be treated - a shock but better to find out early.

It is scary and the treatment can be very wearing but the outlook is generally good. Hope all goes well.

StealthPolarBear · 12/08/2011 23:34

Sing and Fleecy, good to hear your positive stories, glad your dads are doing well

Fleecy · 12/08/2011 23:40

Thank you! Hope your Dad's treatment goes well too. If it's any help, my Dad is in his 70s so your Dad is much younger and therefore likely to cope better with treatment.

I did feel my Dad had aged initially but as he recovered he became more able and less tired again. He still runs around with the grandchildren and he's still very much a fun grandad Smile

Anifrangapani · 12/08/2011 23:53

Sorry I posted really quickly because dd and ds came to read over my shoulder and they don't know.

My Dad is 70 - at his diagnosis because of the aggressive nature of it he had a PSA in the hundreds and it is now down to under 4. He opted to do a medical trial which involves a hormonal implant. It has been a really sucessful trial and hopefully will be on the NHS really soon. Not only has it reduuced the prostate cancer, but has reduced the secondary as well. Originally he was looking at 6 months max. 2 years later he is most likley to die with rather than because of it.

Prostate cancer is one of the most treatable ones.

Georgimama · 13/08/2011 07:53

Thank you STB, he was a good man - tail gunner in the war, then quietly got on with his life the way they all did back. He was starting to go very down hill with dementia in the last year so it was a blessed release in some ways. He was like a surrogate father to my mum since my grandfather died (he was her brother in law and 20 years older than her) and she really misses him.

Original poster
Pin0t · 13/08/2011 10:26

Thank you all so much for sharing. In just a day of help from MN I feel calmer and more able to cope. I think it's the feeling that the panic is 'normal' and that it will pass to something genuinely normal again. Thank you all, genuinely.

iggii I can well imagine the stomach dropping fear you're experiencing and hope all the positivity helps you. Everything crossed for your DH.

Sausages, Sage, Sing & Fleecy I take heart from what you've shared. I actually like the idea that it (the cancer) will bring me & my Dad closer together. I'd like to have the last laugh that way. Georgi your uncle sounds amazing - quiet dignity. RIP.

For now I'm holding onto what learning said - it'll take more than this to take my Dad away.

OP posts:
StealthPolarBear · 14/08/2011 12:37

keeping it crossed for you too
Hopefully you will feel better after Wednesday when plans are in place etc - I know I did.
Went to see my parents yesterday, and dad was on top form as usual. Found out that his hormone treatment is actually four months though, which means his actual treatment won't start until October. Which is bad because it's prolonging it by another month, but might mean I get another job in time to have some time off which coincides with his treatment.

Elibean · 14/08/2011 13:43

I also think you'll feel better after Wednesday - not knowing (much) is the worst, and once he has a plan of action everything will feel more manageable.

FWIW, my uncle (brother to my Dad, whose PC is apparently cured) was also diagnosed with prostate cancer just over a year ago. His has already spread to his bones, but he has no symptoms - and with hormone injections every few months, his PSA has gone back down to normal levels. Its advanced, as opposed to my Dad's that was early in diagnosis terms, but even he is expected to live a long time and quite possibly die with it rather than from it. He is 80, which makes a difference, but even so.

RumourOfAHurricane · 14/08/2011 14:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StealthPolarBear · 17/08/2011 12:44

Just wanted to bump this and find out how the discussions went. Hope everyone is OK.

PinotsKittens · 17/08/2011 12:50

No news yet SPB, I'm waiting to hear from Dad later.

It's Pin0t, by the way - just a variation of a namechange.

StealthPolarBear · 17/08/2011 12:57

ah sorry, just PMed you :o
Speak later x

PinotsKittens · 17/08/2011 20:19

OK, the news is (briefly - I find out all the details when I see him face-to-face on Friday evening) that he is starting Hormone Therapy now, and will start radiotherapy in January for 7 weeks.

I just want to hug him now. Right now.

StealthPolarBear · 17/08/2011 20:33

That sounds standard/positive.
Is he nearby - are you going to hug him this weekend?
How is he feeling about it? Does he have a wife/partner?

applechutney · 17/08/2011 21:53

Hi, my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer in May of this year. it was a terrible shock, as we have a young family (ds1 aged 12, dd aged 10 and ds2 aged 8).

Dh is a very young 55 yr-old, and thankfully has been told that it is curable (they actually used that word). he is to have brachytherapy in a few months time, and while the waiting is hard, we are assured that the cancer will not progress in this time.

CMOT was incredibly helpful and kind to us at the very difficult early stage.

Am very sorry to hear of the losses and pain suffered by some posters on this thread Sad.

If any of you have a husband aged 50 or over, please urge them to have their psa levels tested. This is how dh's cancer was detected.

PinotsKittens · 18/08/2011 10:18

I'm so sorry apple and hope we can stick together on this thread until both my Dad and your husband are all clear.

SPB my Dad is about an hour away and is happily married to my step-Mum, whom I adore. He is doing the standard male thing of not really talking about it to "protect" me, and whilst I'm grateful for his concern for me (bless) I want to KNOW so I can wrestle back some control. I'm hoping when I see him I can really get him to open up. If I can speak through crying of course!

I also second any man over 50 getting the PSA blood test. Just do it.

SianEvans · 08/07/2016 13:23

is this thread still active? my dad has been diagnosed today, psa is 156. i don't know what this means. i don't know what to think. devastated.

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