Lookingg for advice on termination of pregnancy

[TheOriginalNutcracker]

Wasn't sure where to put this as didn't want to offend or upset anyone, so I hope it is ok here.

Basically last week my friend discovered she was pregnant with her 3rd child. This was a shock and not planned. Her husband is dead set against having the baby and has been quite awful to my friend, saying he will leave etc.

My friend is all over the place and I am supporting her as much as I can but obviously I cannot make the desicion for her. She is scared to death that her dh will leave her and so is considering a termination.

Years ago I had a termination under general, and my friend is adamant she can't do that as she is terrified of being put to sleep. She is going to speak to her gp about maybe having the abortion pill. The trouble is, i thin my friend thinks that this will be easy and just like a heavy period.

My friend is about 6 weeks she thinks. Is this still early enough to take the tablet ? and also along with heavy bleeding, what else should she expect ??

I am still hoping that my friend doesn't go down this route as i know that it isn't really what she wants, but i will of course support her whatever happens.

To everyone else, than you for your help on this. I really don't think there is much more I can do other than be there for her now.

I agree that they both could do with speaking to someone about all of this though.

You sound like such a nice friend, Nutcracker.

I really hope it all works out ok for your friend.

Bless you, nutcracker.

If it's any comfort, although my situation with dp was absolutely dire, it's been improving. And as time has passed I've understood DP's position more - which takes the sting out of it.

It's a horrible, horrible predicament though :(

I think there is a point in there that their marriage may fail anyway if she has the abortion because she won't get over it or forgive him. IF she has the baby and he leaves her, then it's his choice and his failing. IF she has the abortion and the marriage breaks down anyway because she can't forgive him, then she has a sore conscience, no marriage and no baby.

He is being brutal to her to make her have an abortion - if she really doesn't want one she shouldn't go ahead with it, she is quite likely to feel rotten.

She needs to talk to someone without her DH there.

Caps Lock has been fixed.

I find it discusting that the general view here is that she should abort because it's what her husband wants.

I thought thanks to the feminists that women had been liberated to make their own decisions and not bow to the wants and needs of men.

And all this is coming from an anti-feminist!

Why does no one see how wrong all this is.

I've said all I have to say on the matter. What happens next is for the OPs friend and her lovely husband to deal with.

I've said all I have to say on the matter.

Good. Perhaps now you'll bugger off.

Not a single poster here has said the OP's friend should have a termination.

Where did anyone say that my friend should do what her husband wanted ??? No where as far as I can see.

It may all be irrelavent now anyway as my friend is currently in hospital under observation as she has had some bleeding and one sided pain. The doc didn't seem to think it was an ectopic, but i do. They are scanning her in the morning.

Poor thing.

I really do think I have an inkling of what she's going through.

It's a horrible, lonely place being the only person on earth willing a pregnancy to hang on in there :(

My close friend had a medical abortion- just like a heavy period.

OP for future refs- you mentioned your friend's BMI- is it high- is she oveweight?

she should have been advised that sometimes the mini pill is not effective in overweight women, simply because the amount of hormone is not enough.

Love and unmumsnetty hugs to your poor dear friend. What an awful situation to be in. Her DH is an arse and a fool, but I agree all you can do is stand with her and love her while she doez what she feels she must, either way.

Hi again. Strawberryjelly - Yep she is overweight. I think she said her bmi is 35. I know she is a dress size 22 anyway.

I now she used to be on the normal pill, but I can't remember now why she changed, but i think it was the gp's idea.

Thanks for the hugs beanlet . Hopefully I will get to see her tomorrow and give her a hug myself.

Update : Have just seen my friend as she is out of hospital. Good news is that it was a cyst not an ectopic. Other good news is that this has made her realise that she has to fight for what she wants and so she has cancelled her appointment with the bpas for the abortion discussion.

She said her and hubby still haven't spoken about what will happen next, but I think this will result in her having the baby, especially she she has now seen it's heart beating away.

Good news, Nutcracker. I hope she and her dh find a way through this: maybe some emergency relationship counselling?

Fingers crossed that she has an easy pregnancy and wonderful birth.

That is really good, I hope her husband comes around and they can move forward. You're a great friend

Oh I'm pleased for her, Nutcracker - and I hope her DH realises that it's not worth losing his family over.

:)