Long term depression

[barmy]

I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in May 2002 and take antedepressants to help me 'cope' with it. I have also had 2 courses of counselling. There was no obvious cause for my depression (DD was 15 months old) and its onset, and I have always been a very confident, capable person. I am currently signed off sick from my job as a Pensions Manager.

Things seem to be dragging on longer than my GP expected and he is now suggesting that he refers me for psychiatric help. Has anyone been in this situation and how long should these depressive stints last? I am feeling a little desperate that I will have to live with this forever.

I have changed my name for this posting.

Motherinferior is right, you must talk about it. Even if you think you don't know what has caused the depression, something will have done. You will have triggers that set it off, you just help in identifying those triggers and then altering your thought processes. It's hard to do, but it is possible with the right therapist.

I'm not saying that no-one should go on ADs. There are times that you need them just to get to the point where you can function normally, maybe then you can try alternative treatments. They can calm you down enough to be able to think rationally.

It's just sad as so many members of my family are on ADs and it hasn't made a bit of difference to their quality of life. I could tell them what their problem was and what they needed to do to cure themselves, but they won't listen to me, they are too reliant on the ADs and fearful of what will happen if they come off them. Also they don't want to face the truth, and ADs are a good way of avoiding the reality of the situation sometimes. A sort of 'head in the sand' attitude.

SueW, I hope you manage to find some sort of peace. Are you getting lots of support and help? I know what you mean about 'the mask', so often I've just functioned outside of the home, acted in the way I knew I should act, and once inside my own home I've just broken down. But you have to just keep picking yourself up don't you? You won't always feel this way, but saying that doesn't really help I guess, you can't see beyond the present. I do hope you manage to resolve the issues you have inside you. Do go easy on yourself won't you?

Rhubarb - I agree totally with you about looking for alternatives before going on AD's and you are right I should probably slow down.

I know that I have to leave my job but that also means selling the house and probably this part of London as I earn more than half the family income - I have wanted to leave my job pretty much since i started but my depression makes me incapable of making decisions. My parents are totally unsupportive and it is only recently that my partner is in the position to support me - I've been doing the supporting over the last seven years

I'm hoping that the AD' s will help me with the ongoing grind of my job and help me make the break.

I certainly agree that AD's are not the way forward for everyone - but as Rhubarb said, if I hadn't had drugs I would never have got to a point where any kind of talking therapy would have worked as I had actually stopped talking all together twice, and once I stopped eating and drinking - that was when I had to have ECT, as I would seriously have died without it. But that is a different kettle of fish, I was in hospital, pretty much voluntarily (in fact, didn't have the oomph to refuse) and was also experiencing psychotic symptoms which were scarey stuff at the time.

SueW - I know exactly what you mean about the personas - I feel like that sometimes - there is a me that could conquer the world and a me that wants to curl up in bed and never speak to anyone again and sometimes they seem to co-exist at the same time. I'm glad you are feeling a bit better recently, after being so down.

And you have no idea (or maybe you do) how positive I feel reading that other people have this as a long term problem - I seriously thought it was just me and a couple of other nutters in the world, not all you fine upatanding mumsnetters!

kaz33- I identify with what you say so much. I too had been suffering on and off since my childhood and only when i compleatly went off my head 18mths ago was it diagnosed. I too had crap parenting and many unresolved problems. A mother that also suffers from depression (and I so don't want to be like her and find myself turning into her) I cannot make many decisions for myself. I will ask the kids what they want for dinner, I will phone DH at work to ask him what to dress the kids in, if there is anyone else around to make the decision, I can't. I have had panic attacks when faced with a decision (like what biscuits to buy in the supermarket)

My biggest fear is for my kids to have the same childhood that I did and be as screwed up as me.
as a child, and now into my adulthood, I am so good at acting that I can apear and even feel fine when faced with the "norm" of DH and kids. I have acted for so long that I no longer know the real me. I was on AD's till I fell PG with DD and am still off them for now. I seem to have been forgotten by my psychiatrist scince having DD and had to stop councelling as I can't take her with me. But I do feel ok at the moment.(is it real? I hope so)

Sorry for such a long post and I'm sorry I have nothing to help you barmy but your post kaz made me write.

Thanks for listening/reading. and sorry to hijack your thread barmy. I hope you find the right therapy.