My friend will soon be starting chemo...

[toymakerlady]

I hope this is something that Mners will be able to help me with.

My best friend had breast cancer, and had a lump removed from her breast a couple of weeks ago. Luckily, and absolutely fantastically, she has been told the operation was successful, but that as a matter of procedure, she is to undergo 18 weeks of chemo, plus radiotherapy afterwards. She is 37 and has two DCs, aged 4 and 2. The 4 year old is to start school in September.

I have already offered to have the children for her any time, and it goes without saying that I will be taking round meals for the freezer and DH and I will generally be there for her and her DH as much as they need us.

Her chemo starts next week and I would like to put together a basket of little presents for her which she might find useful or comforting, or little luxuries she can enjoy. But I don't know much about any of it, apart from what I have read up on the macmillan website, or things she has told me, and it is all new to her too of course.

What sort of things should I put in it? If you have been through chemo, (which we anticipate is going to be even worse than the cancer itself, given the circumstances?), what did your friends and family do that you found especially helpful?

I hope you won't mind me asking, and I look forward to hearing your replies and ideas.

My Sil went through chemo, she had about a week after every treatment that she was tired and sick, she loved curling up on the sofa with books, DVD's and dozing, I think giving her a break from the children would be great for her.

What a lovely thought toymakerlady And I wish your friend all the very best in her treatment. I had chemo for breast cancer a couple of years ago and the things I found nice were:

moisturizing cream - your skin gets very dry, - but something very mild.

Audiobooks - great for days when you have no energy at all.

Books - light reading - I read loads of whodunnits.

Cosy soft socks

I drank a lot of fruit/herbal tea. Ginger, lemon and mint are useful for helping with sickness

A soft sun hat for sitting out in the garden

Sucky sweets - peppermints or boiled.

My family all live far away, but my mother wrote to me twice a week which was just great - looking forward to something in the post. Cards, photos letters all great.

Your offers of practical help with meals and looking after children will be really appreciated.

And I would say its great to have someone to talk about everyday stuff with - your whole life gets so overtaken with your illness you can lose touch with ordinary things. But also to know that if you do have a bad day and need a shoulder to cry on, there's someone there.

You sound a great friend

Oh - and some of us who have been through or are going through treatment for BC congregate on the tamoxifen thread - so if your friend is an online kind of person, or you need to chat about anything - everyone is made very welcome

Thanks kurri and five those are all great suggestions. I had heard somewhere about being really sensitive to scents etc so was unsure about moisturisers although it seemed to be a nice little "luxury" to put in there. My sister is on the case knitting some special beautiful socks for her!

She did used to use MN when she was pg with her DS2, so I might suggest she comes back on here and see what you are all saying, thank you for the invite! She is a very practical "getting on with it" kind of person, and I am trying to support her with that, especially as she says one of the hardest things is when people say she is being brave - she has two small children, so life must go on!

toymaker, I'm another who's been through it all and lurk on the Tamoxifen thread. Definitely helped keep me sane to talk to others when I was going through it, so tell your friend to join us if she'd like to. I've nothing to add to Kurri's list other than dvd box sets are good for low days. My BF was so, so key to getting me through. Just be there for her like you already are and you'll make a massive difference.

I have had two breast reconstructions. I found that crossword magazines, word searches, sudoko books etc were great. There are many hours for lying on hospital beds etc and there is only so many times you can read the paper or hours you can read a fiction book. I found these mags a lifesaver. Perhaps a few of those?

But most of all she will want her kids well cared for when she is going through treatment and to see them as much as possible. She will need lots of rest. You could check out local charities for her. Some cancer/ breast cancer charities will pay for cleaning, ironing, childcare for women going through breastcancer treament. I benefited from this. It is definitely worth asking around your area. This could a God send for her. It was for me - my children are all young.

Sending much love and hugs to your friend. Its a journey.

Thank you all so much for your helpful suggestions. I hope everything goes well for you all.