supporting my friend through an abortion - help

[pinkyp]

My best friend has recently found out shes pregnant, to a guy she's just started dating. She is already a single mother and said she couldnt bring up the baby alone. She told her guy and he told her he didnt want it and if she keeps it he will hate her. He also keeps promising things to her after "its over". I've tried talking to my friend but she's infatuated with him, i'm not trying to talk her out of it but i just want her to forget about what the guy wants and make sure its what she wants too. We went to a clinic but i have a 5 month old baby i had to wait outside, it was her first appointment (for an abotion) they scanned her, and did what ever they do (not sure - i imagine forms/talking etc). Whilst we were sat outside she kept saying "i dont want to be here, dont want to do this but i have to" .Anyway she is booked in to have a surical abortion on monday and has asked me to go with her. As i will have my 5 month old with me i wont be able to go in again i imagine (marie stopes at leeds). Has anyone got any advice on how i can support her? i'm finding it hard as i dont think she wants to go through with it. She keeps saying she keeps having to remember how she felt before she was pregnant rather than how she feels now - thats wrong isnt it? I dont want to pressurise her either way as i think she's has enough pressure from the guy at the min. Any advice? what to expect?

i have no advice but am bumping in case anyone can help!!

The clinic will offer her councilling. Encourage her to take it up.

You don't have to presurise her, but you can give her your honest opinion. He sounds like a complete cock, and I would tell her so.

Hello I have recently trained as a pregnancy crisis support worker working in a centre of which there are many around the country. If you let me know whereabouts she lives I can find out where her nearest one is - alternatively (as I know time is short) there is a fantastic helpline for people in those kind of circumstances - trained counsellors who will talk things over with her and help her come to a decision she is happy with. Its important she does this as she obviously will have to live with the choice she has made. There are so many women living with guilt and pain from having felt pressurized into having abortions, sometimes many years previously, and regret not having had the chance to talk it through with someone outside the situation and take time over it. You haven't said how many weeks pregnant she is but if she is in the early stages there is no immediate rush and clinic appointments can always be delayed or cancelled. A few days could make all the difference.

Please please get her to call them....the website is

www.careconfidential.com
helpline number 0800 028 2228

Let me know what happens!

Agree with all the above.
From a purely practical point of view, it looks as if this is the best option; with one child already and no support from this baby's father- and he looks as if he will run anyway, whatever she does- the baby could well be a reminder of the relationship.

I had a freind who had a termination when married. She was in the early stages and had medication to abort. I wasn't there but was able to support her by phone both before and after. I would just be ready to listen whenever she wants to talk but don't try to influence her decision.

I had a abortion 11 years ago and I have never regretted the decision, even though at the time I was, and still am , in the same stable relationship.
I did not have, or need counselling then nor even now, but
I knew myself well enough to know that I would not be able to parent all of my existing children in the way I wanted with another child.

I am grateful daily that abortion is safe and legal in the UK

Please try as her friend not to project your feelings onto hers, as you may unexpectedly find yourself in the same situation further down the line.