Feeling low

[starerofCeilings]

Don't really know where to put this .Don't want to put in chat after someone flames peachy other day feeling far to fragile for it

some you may know the background from my post not been able to pee since ... Was goingroundthebend

but for those who don't know in a nutshell out of nowhere I ended up with sever back problems that led to emergency spinal surgery and since been for second op
the injury has left me paraylised from the waist down with no feelings anywhere at all. There's some nerve damage some been cut some crushed and no one knows just what may recover in the long or short term

but am looking at moblity issues bladder and bowel issues numbness to genital area .

So far have been able to stay strong but last night and today am totally broke inside .
The moblity side I can handle be that odd gait,crutches or even a wheelchair

even the bladder I can deal with as know can learn to self cath ( have dc with Sn so these things I know of and people with).

But what I'm struggling with is the fear of bowel issues and the numbness to the gential area .this side of me affects more affects me as a woman and really struggling to come to terms with it .everyones used to me being strong and there like your so strong including the Drs when I said fine about maybne needing a wheelchair but I can't explain how bad the other things scare me to them because when I tried was felt very much the brush of that there not important in scale of things but to me they are

Not helped as the type of injury is rare only about 100 cases a year .But I gone from Someone who is known for postive outlook being daft and silly a mum and f/t carer to ds 3 .to this I really don't recognise myself anymore

Have looked for support groups but since so rare only one found is us based and waiting to be able to join it

Thank you hospital found me someone to talk today after I fell apart this morning .that had no emtional involvement so I felt could really let it all out and get my fears out and do feel better for it .She pointed out it was normal and she be more worried if had kept it bottled up

Pointed out 16 days ago my life was pretty ok and then turned all upside down sothat it will take time especially as no one can predeict the outcome as it's so rare .she will pop in again and arrange some linger term help if I need it

but am feeling stronger for admitting that I'm struggling .

They have been in contact with Stoke mandbille and when my spine is more stable and they are sure the leak has stopped they will look at transfering me for rehab .Then the battle begins I don't want to be there to long more than anything I want to go home as I miss the kids a lot .So they will look atsetting up outreach support for home

only bonus is that since I live in a bungalow already and it's pretty much set up for wheelchair user is that should not add to the delay in getting home as no adaptions needed.

Hi StarerofCeilings/Justcallmegrouchy. I take it you have name changed?

I don't have any words of wisdom for you to help I'm afraid, but I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. You have been through so much, and from the sounds of it this is only the beginning of a new chapter in your life.

I really do hope for you that you can regain some function of your body, or that you will get the best support available to learn how to adapt. I remember when i worked in London we would send spinal injury patients to Stoke, and they all came back saying that it was brilliant. Hard work, but they were able to learn to live again and to cope with what life had thrown at them.

Your brain I am sure feels as numb as your body at the moment, as you have been through so much stress both physical and emotional. Allow yourself to feel upset and down...it will help you if you can go with your emotions....rather than trying to hide them. Get angry, upset, shout and scream if you need to...it is better to shout than to hold it all in and get more ill as a result of pent up emotions.

I am thinking of you and sending you a very , and .