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Original poster

I feel really sad, ugly and inferior today (not sure if this is right board..)

28 replies

MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 21:54

I just feel really lonely; as if my family is odd and abnormal; and I am repulsive.

I have no confidence and want to cry, I don't feel good enough to be doing what I am doing.

I am normally reasonably happy and confident.

No-one in RL knows I feel like this.

Does anyone else feel like this sometimes?

Sorry if this is not the right place.

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StealthyKissBeartrayal · 18/04/2011 21:55

What has happened? Has something triggered this?

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 21:57

I don't think so really Stealthy. I have just started training for something I have wanted to do for a long time though, and i just look around at everyone else in the group and they all seem better thhan me. I just don't feel good enough. I laugh at myself, it's as if I am fighting myself and there is another person inside me saying what an absolute joke and failure I am. :(

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StealthyKissBeartrayal · 18/04/2011 21:59

Oh dear :( Crisis of confidence - but I think this sounds like more than that.
Do you have a DH/DP?

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:04

Yes I have a DH. I got so stressed today, I shouted at DS in the street (and I never shout at him :( ) and I threw a chair at my cat (and I love my cat :( he's a rescue cat I've had since he was a feral kitten.) I feel so tense as well.

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nanatothree · 18/04/2011 22:06

This is worry because you don't want to fail whatever it is you are training for. The people in the group aren't better than you, they probably look at you and think the same.
Try saying to yourself "I can do this" and "I am just as good as they are".
My mum (sadly no longer here) ALWAYS said to me when I was growing up - "now remember you are just as good as anybody else no matter who they are". It has served me well in life because it is actually true, if someone if cleverer,better looking, richer, then they might be but better no way!!

Prunnhilda · 18/04/2011 22:06

I do feel like that, sometimes.
With me, it really is a crisis of confidence and not being able to deal well with a specific type of reaction to me (you know when some people are really offhand, but they're obviously also totally self-centred and image obsessed? I don't meet them very often but when I do, and they instantly pass over me, I have a dip). It tends not to last more than a day or two.

It really helped me to listen to a radio programme a couple of years ago where several very accomplished people admitted that they also felt incredibly underconfident and fraudulent at times (though they didn't mention ugly!).

Feel better soon. Other people's lives are usually (by my age, late 30s) fraught with some sort of pain and outright trauma, I am a cheery soul who tells myself that when someone seems too breezy and confident Grin (For self-preservation, not because I wish it on them!)

cybboid · 18/04/2011 22:07

Mrs Sb this isnt like you! Its perfectly normal to feel like the rug has been pulled out from underneath you- I felt like that when my work sent me on a course that I felt I couldn't do- but of course I could do it and it taught me not to doubt myself.

You have as much right as everyone else to be there and try not to make disparging jokes at your own expense.

Act like you know what you are doing and it will all fall into place

Good luck

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:08

You're right nana, and you are so lucky to have had a mother like that. I wish I could believe what you say, but deep down I can't at the moment.

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StealthyKissBeartrayal · 18/04/2011 22:08

Seriously, talk to your DH - if it;s this he should be able to help with your fears, if more than this, can he help you figure out why you;re feeling as you do

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:10

Thanks prunnhilda and cybboid as well.

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Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:12

Steathly, my DH is incapable of helping / delving into any problem I have. I find it really difficult to get thhrough to him.

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LadyWord · 18/04/2011 22:14

Mrs SB... I wonder if something about the course is stirring up old memories or pushing buttons in relation to something you feel is an achilles heel? Or did you ever feel like this in a similar situation before, like on the first day at a new school?

I can get like this at times, then sometimes it hits me, often a few days later, that there's some obvious reason why. I also vacillate up and down in a cycle every few months, from feeling confident and cheery to feeling crap and ugly. I know it's not a reflection of reality as such, because there's no correlation with things like my weight, whether my skin is bad or life events.

IME it helps to look after yourself and not force yourself to do an imitation of confidence. Accept that you feel like this and that it will pass.

StealthyKissBeartrayal · 18/04/2011 22:16

Sorry MrsSB :( Can anyone else help you do that?
Actually what am I saying?? People on here :)

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:20

LadyWord, I have just been thinking about thhis and about what Stealthy said about a trigger... and now I think about it, I think I am possibly having flashbacks to school when I was very bullied emotionally and called ugly.
I have been told I am not ugly (or wasn't, now the years are advancing I'm probably losing it a bit) but I have always felt it secretly.
I think it is because I am in a sort of 'class room' environment again.

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Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:22

Good advice to accept it and let it pass btw, the more I fight it I find, the worse (and more hopeless) I seem to feel.

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cybboid · 18/04/2011 22:36

I definitely reverted to the role of 'class clown' when I was put back in that situation again, the one who put herself down before anyone else had the chance to do it

Its ok to feel these things but try to stay one step removed and know that its not treally who you are

Also, dont think about the others in your group. You will probably only get one chance to train for this, dont balls it up by letting your fears about others sabotage it

LadyWord · 18/04/2011 22:37

I do know that feeling actually, though for me the trigger is more the PE/changing room context, where I was bullied most, and I still feel horrible if I go to an exercise class etc. where you have to get changed or get ready beforehand.

To get profound on your ass :o a Spanish person I knew once wisely pronounced "Ninguna es feo" - No one is ugly. It's stayed with me and I think of it when I feel ugly.

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:41

Thanks cybboid.

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Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:44

Thanks LadyWord too.

Sorry to hear you were bullied too.

It's sad to think that things which happened (for me) 30 years ago, can still be affecting our lives today.

I wonder if our tormentors have any 'hang-ups' or are all living perfectly contented lives? I guess, when I try to philosphise about it, that they must have had problems of their own in order to feel they had to act that way.

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spiderbabymum · 18/04/2011 22:44

Can Totally relate to how you are feeling .

My advice : would you consider seeing a counsellor ? May be one available thru uni or whatever .

NOT Right that you are feeling this way .

Fascinating I think taht it may have triggered sth in your distant memory .

Well done for dredging the emotions out and putting it into words . Not easy .

Have you tried keeping an emotional diary .

Could Change your life

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:48

Thanks Spider. I have had counselling in the past, which I think m,oved me forward a lot, or I would not even be where I am now.
I doubt I will ever really be able to get rid of the pain which comes back when I think about my early life though. I've never tried an emotional diary, but it's an interesting thought.
I used to keep a diary at school, but my mum read it and went into school one day and for various reasons lost me the only friend I had (too long to go into here). Hence I have always hated not had a good relationship with her.

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Earthymama · 18/04/2011 22:51

Can I offer some advice?
I get these feelings too, I was told I was too thick to make the most of my grammar school place.
The day I got my degree I thought 'up you!' but it's so hard to silence that voice.

I recommend Mindfulness, this might be useful.

Earthymama · 18/04/2011 22:53

Can I also congratulate you on MrSB's fine work in Game of Thrones? Smile

Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:55

I think it all made me strong though. I remember feeling utterly, utterly bereft at school one day: I had no family support, no friends, no-one to sit next to, no fashionable possessions, no let up from insults, no comfort whatsoever - and although I was walking through a school yard literally crying, I remember thinking "I don't need you all - I will get through this by myself if that;s the way it has to be'. It made me very adventurous and independent. When I was single I travelled all over the world on my own, and people always said to me 'aren't you brave!' but it was a doddle and such peace compared to what had gone before. The downside is that I find it very difficult (probably impossible actually) to trust anyone 100% or form close friendships today.
Sorry for my self indulgent ramble. It's actually quite helpful to air it all.

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Original poster
MrsSeanBean · 18/04/2011 22:57

Thanks on both counts earthymama.

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