toddler just NOT eating!!

[noops]

I used to have a little one that ate anything and everything i dished up for him
he ate lentil curry, chickpea stew, aduki beans, pasta, rice, cous cous, anything i put ion formt of him
now he will start it and just push the plate away.
he demands shredded wheat or toast or anything he can't have
i rarely give in to his demands so he just eats a bare minimum.
his naps are a bit flakey too, so sometimes i have an exauhsted toddler who is having a tentrum becuase i won't feed cake- there isn't any anyway...
i am getting worried now, it has been going on for about 3 months- 4months now, he tries to feed himself with knife and fork and then freaks if he can't do it, then will take 1 spoonful from me, before getting down from the table.
the other day he survived on 1/2 bowl porridge, 1/2 slice of toas, 1 banana and a corrot.
today he has had the same brekfast, 1 mouthful of pasta, 1 banana and 1 small fairy cake, given by a friend.
i am getting upset now, i've never force fed him or made any issues about what he eats - just praised him for eating in general, nnot specific amounts or specific things IYSWIM
His little ribs are showing and he just looks skinny to me, he's 2 btw

ok if he likes to fee dhimself then give him things he can easily do!

ie, breakfast can be toast/bagels etc

lunch can be some sandwiches and cut up apples

tea may be more difficult but make sure you cut it up before you take it to the table so taht all he has to do is stab it with a fork and he can do it by himself.

also, it may be worth doing a food diary. sometimes you find they're eating more than you think! does he drink lots of milk?

he has lots of finger food, he will eat chunks of veg on a good day... and loves brocolli and peas and carrot when he is eating well. He tries to stab stuff with his fork and scoops stuff with his spoon.. he just gets so annoyed if he fails and then won't let me feed him either
his milk intake has increased recently, i thought it is to compensate, so i tired to drop it a bit, but then he still doesn't eat and i do get worried.
Aghhhhh, they are sent to test us aren't they?

It does sound like you are eating really carefully and offer him cooked, wholesome meals. But if he has started to identify this as 'mummy food' and it's becoming a battle of wills, I would suggest turning down the heat a bit by offering him things that seem a bit more like what he would choose himself. Is shredded wheat such a bad source of energy if his ribs are showing? Would he take banana in it, and cheese on his toast? I can totally understand that you don't want to let him become a faddy eater, but it sounds as if he's on the path to that anyway and you really don't want it to become a battlefield. (as you say yourself.) Seems like you know your stuff as far as healthy eating is concerned; you just need to get nutrients into him in a way you might see as second-best rather than first-best. Cooked meals don't need to be the only way for him to eat.

he ate loads of cheese on toast at a friend's house, witgh chopped up pepper and onion in it- he loved it, thought it looked like pizza!
a week later at home he tasted it and then rejected it..
i even tried normal pizza, "don't ike it mummy" yet a-bloody-gain.
i know i'm sounding negative, i don't think i can get him to eat jumk even, except biscuits of course
he will eat these at all of the toddler groups we go to, i let him eat them as it is too much of a struggle not to, but this then ruins the next meal.
Why do so many groups have a biscuit tin???

Do you eat the same things as him at the same time? My ds will usually eat very little if he's eating on his own, but will eat absolutely loads if there are other people at the table.

i do eat with him as much as poss and he has a trip trap chair so sits at the big table with me
at the moment it is hard to do this every meal as i have a little baby too and it is hard to keep the place tidy, and feed the little one.
He did stop eating pretty much anything for a week after the little one was born, but to be honest things were going downhill before that point and we have certainly picked up from there, but he is really not eating very much
he asks for yoghurt, specifies the type and hen it is put in front of him, he cries and pushes it away

ds is a nightmare to feed. Really picky. He is 3 and after years of battle this is what works for me -

I serve him up breakfast, fruit, lunch, fruit and then dinner and fruit. If he doesnt eat his meal i do not give him an alternative. So if he does not eat he goes hungry.

I know that it sounds harsh but it has worked for me. I have found that he is eating more now that he realises mummy doesnt give in. I have also found some weeks he eats very little, but then he will go through an eating phase and eat loads.

I work on making sure what he does eat counts iyswim.
A tip that somebody told me - think of how small a toddlers tummy is (the size of a walnut) and think of what they eat at one meal it probably equates to more than you think. they dont need as much as adults.
Make sure that he isnt finlling up on juice by the way.

Agree about eating together. Please try not to worry - it is a phase.

finally - if you are getting worried about him beaing skinny then take him for a check up to put your mind at rest.

i know it is a phase and i know you are right that they do eat what they need, but i hate it that very day he just eats acouple of mouthfuls, cries then refuses any more food at the table
nothing stressful has happened there, i've never made him eat anything, i'v taken so much care to keep food neutral.
agghhh i hate this! thanks for all the advice a nd support,
i just don't want a finniky eater...

I know - it really gets you down doesnt it and it makes everything such a battle. The more relaxed you are though the more relaxed he will be. Have you weighed him? IS he underweight?

Hate to tell you this but he sounds bang on normal for a 2 year old (I have had 4 children and my youngest is 2 and they all went through the phase you are describing.) Some of mine continued it longer than others but I would say a year is normal. The good news is that if he was a good eater before, he is more likely to return to being a good eater later. Sometimes my 2 year old eats less than you described in a day, but he is getting better and I try to concentrate on the good days and not worry too much about the bad days.

noops, this really is the "terrible twos"! My ds1 was just like yours, if I had a penny for every time I put a lovely home-cooked meal in front of him and he looked at it dolefully saying "I do' likit!"
Try to stay calm, he actually sounds better than my ds! He wouldn't have touched broccolli ("I don't eat trees!") or any other veg for a while.
However, apparently in nursery he was GREAT! The nursery manager said it was common for children who wouldn't eat at home to eat with their friends, it was a social thing.
One thing I would NOT do, is what I did in desperation and make up meals in the shape of animals etc as a Miriam Stoppard weaning book I had suggested. It was SO time-consuming and he STILL didn't eat the food!
He was like this on-and-off till he was 3, when he really improved. He'll eat almost anything now, he's 9.

my DD is 2.4years. She ate 3 mini weetabix, 4 oz milk. For lunch almost 3/4 tuna & mayo sandwich. Small bowl of grapes. Then she had couple of hours sleep. For tea she had bolognese sauce (with peas & sweetcorn) with pasta, strawberries & 1.5 rachels yogurts. Followed by 7 oz milk before bed. I didn't think it was that much but does seem more than your lad ?

My DD is pretty good with a knife & fork, but sometimes she will ask for the big spoon (dessert size), or the baby (teaspoon) spoon. Perhaps you could try him with different cutlery ? Could you add some finger food to each meal, eg cherry toms, slices of cucumber, cubes of cheese, so he can pick at those if/when he gets frustrated ? Does he like quiche ? that's an easy to eat & high energy.

Also perhaps he is sensing your anxiety & is reacting to this ? Also, are you trying to help him to eat when he has dropped just a couple of mouthfuls ? If so, might be worth just letting him get on with it. My DD HATES if I even attempt to assist her in anyway !

noops
nothing much to add to the advice here except to say my dd eats about this much, lives on AIR some days. I would try to chill out as much as you can. but I don't understand why he can't have shredded wheat/toast or whatever? if he wants it, even if it is not QUITE what you would like him to have, then i would say just let him have it.
dd would eat cereal three times a day if I let her. DO I? sometimes, yes.
normal normal normal

how do you think he looks health wise? I know you said his ribs were showing but does he look pale or anything else? my ds eats like a horse and is skinny as anything so I wouldn't worry too much about the ribs part at least. But it might put your mind at rest to take him for a check up with the hv or doctor - or just weigh him at home and see how he compares on his height/weight chart.
Knowing that he is doing Ok might give you more confidence to keep going with the relaxed approach. You could even give vitamin supplements if you wanted. I don't think he would need them but again it might make you feel better about it.
does he have a lot of problems using his knife and fork? (are they metal ones, plastic ones are pretty tricky to use) Would he try more finger foods do you think?
last really crap piece of advice but it worked for me, make 'healthy' snacks like carrot cake (you know, get a bit of veg down them, ok it comes with a bucket load of sugar . . .) raisin sweeties, grape sweeties, etc.
hang on in there!

yes, i could give him shredded wheat nd toast everyday, i just don't want this to end up being the only thing he eats, end of.
So i prepare lovely food for him each day, slavishly
we tried scrambled egg for brekki, which resulted in even less being taken in and a further tantrum as he didn't ike it
now he is having a bowl of shredded wheat and seems happy enough
he is very tired at the moment, but i put it down to new playgroup and having to fiddle nap time around a bit to accommodate the timings.
you are all right, it is pretty normal isn't it?
i just used to be proud of my boy who would eat all healthy food and just get on with it..

Keep offering him the range of foods, but don't make things specially for him because that way leads to heartache, I can tell you! It is easier for me with my 2 yo because I am also cooking for three other children, dh and myself. He gets offered the same as us but if he doesn't eat it, it is not too much to throw away (although I hate food wastage) and I know I did not spend time specially making something for him.

I have to agree that shredded wheat or toast do not sound like compromises to me. I would be thrilled if my children ate such a healthy breakfast every day! I hate to admit the one exception to my rule about making everyone the same thing is breakfast where I let everyone have what they want (choice of cereals or toast) and buy the usual yucky children's cereals for them to choose from. It is just too early in the day to argue! My 2 yo though usually chooses Weetabix, so I am happy there!

Yep - agree thats its a phase thing. My DD will eat most things some of the time and some things all of the time.

She definitely goes through weeks where she eats hardly anything and then some weeks where she just doesnt stop. Last week every morning she asked for banana after banana (of course you cant give them too much banana), then a pear, then an orange, then raisins. Then asked for her lunch (jacket potato cheese and beans is her fave), then yoghurts x 2. Then wanted more raisins and oranges in the afternoon. Then wanted dinner. This week im luck if she'll touch breakfast - even if she asks for it and tells me what she wants. Most of her dinner this week has ended up spread over the table, chucked on the floor or just not eaten.

Ultimately i know she wont starve herself. I just remain consistent. Continue to offer the same foods and snacks but reduce "treat" foods when she isnt eating so well. Her treat foods are raisins and bread.

OH and the obvious sweets left over from trick or treating

My DD - now 2.4 - took a spell like this. Her fav food in the world is yoghurt. Second fave is any type of carbohydrate - pasta, bread, cereal, with nothing on it besides butter.

Even now, she's still turns her nose at tea time. Last night she greeted her chicken with pesto pasta w/an 'Eeew! Yucky, yucky!'

We let her cry it out and carry on eating. Sometimes she'll take a few bites before demanding yoghurt.

She's growing and developing, so we don't fuss about it too much.

Ha ha! ANother yoghurt demander! Thought it was just my 2.6 year old!

we are off to a party this pm, so more crap food to et instead of real food.
Another party on sunday, so the same again.
It is soo hard to try to keep it all on the rails and then go to groups and parties and he fills up on junk!
I really can't control what he eats at a party can i?
he will eat breadticks and raw carrots and rice cakes, but as soon as the cakes come out, he's got his nose n the trough
(ignore my post on how to make rice crispie chocolates btw, that was an imposter )

The occasional party food menu wont hurt him. (It might make him a bit hyper for the rest of the day like it does to my DD).

As long as you continue with the healthy meals for the rest of the 20 times in the week one afternoon of bad stuff shouldnt make that much of an impact IMO.

I do have it a bit easier though - i can tell my DD and other people that she has nut allergies (she does btw) so i can tell her it gives her an "ouch tummy" and she will steer clear of it, and people make sure she can have alternative stuff.

The occasional party food menu wont hurt him. (It might make him a bit hyper for the rest of the day like it does to my DD).

As long as you continue with the healthy meals for the rest of the 20 times in the week one afternoon of bad stuff shouldnt make that much of an impact IMO.

I do have it a bit easier though - i can tell my DD and other people that she has nut allergies (she does btw) so i can tell her it gives her an "ouch tummy" and she will steer clear of it, and people make sure she can have alternative stuff.