My partner has been diagnosed with anxiety and depression - please talk to me.

[tigerbobs]

My partner of 4 years has just been diagnosed with anxiety and depression yesterday. He went to the GP himself as he felt he needed help and hasnt said anything to me about it since going - which is ok.
We have a 14 week old girl who is very shouty esp at him, she screams and screams (its awful) the majority of the time he holds her until she gets me back.
I had traumatic birth and was ill afterwards, in hospital over christmas and it all happened v.quickly.
He hates his job and pay as it isnt much for what he actually does, he was very upset about this on payday, there seems to be no vacancies anywhere though, i always try to reassure him by saying at least he does have a job.
He has gone out the last couple of evenings as our daughter has been screaming non-stop and he says he cant cope with it.
He either cant or wont talk to me about anything and I feel very concerned and also as if its somehow my fault.
He doesnt welcome affection either, even a cuddle.
Our daughter refuses to sleep in her cot so she sleeps in bed with me, he sleeps on sofa, which he says hes happy doing as we all get sleep and hes up for work etc. but I dont beleive him. But if our daughter goes in cot then we have screaming all night which he cant deal with.
I dont know what to do. I dont know where to start.
I know he is going to be having counselling but what can i do to support him?
I love him so much, this really difficult, it should be perfect but its not for him and I have no clue what I can do - any advice at all would be welcomed x

Hi tigerbobs
i suffered from depression for 7 months in 2009. i have 2 children. i didn't want to speak to them, i didn't want to respond to them. i didn't want to discipline them. i just about got their uniforms ready in the morning and everything just seemed like a huge hurdle.
I am now sooo happy with my life, not 100%. i don't believe anyone can be perfectly happy but contgent.
My faith helped a lot in bringing me back to sanity.
From a non- faith view, my advice would be to jsut stick with him, talk to him, encourage him to seek counselling. Whislt anti-depressants are good for some people, they are not always the best answer. Help him to understand that this is something that he can get through. At this moment, he is in a tunnel adn he can't even see the light and has no way of knowing where to go to get to the light. Just reassure him, that one day t hat light will appear and he will be able to get back. When i was depressed, i did all the physcial things for the chidlren, trips out to the museum, park etc. I didn't want to but heck i did it. Make sure he doesn't give up those things. Those are the things that will bring him back to reality.
re: your child. sometimes children respond to depression by 'playing up'. My therapist told me that this is their way of trying to get you to respond to them.
All the best, i really hope that you can come through this together but as i said, i came through. I@m sure your partner can as well.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety and I think you will just have to try and be as supportive as you can while he finds a way through this. I can assure you that this isn't in any way your fault, it is a mental health issue that has probably been brewing for a while.
I find that I get depressed when I am struggling to cope with something, and then my self esteem drops and I find that I am unable to cope with anything. I tend to just get dd ready for school, curl up in bed until I have to pick her up, do whatever she needs me to do and then go back to bed again. I don't have the ability to deal with anything else.
He is getting professional help and this is the important thing. You have to look to the future, that one day he will be a million times better.
At the moment, you may feel you can't do right for doing wrong and I think that is normal - it certainly is with me.
Can he take some sick leave from work until he is feeling more able to deal with the world? It may also give him time to bond more with your dd, as I suspect he may feel like he is failing as a father (given that he can't even hold her without her screaming - most of the time.)
I don't know the solution, everyone is different. Just do what you think is best. You know him better than anyone else and I'm sure you will do brilliantly. It will be hard for a while, but as I said, try to keep in mind that it won't be forever.

My partner has suffered from depression over the years and we have young children too. Get him to go to Dr and get signed off work. This really will help as in my experience it's the way problems get compounded which makes it worse. Once he's not focusing on how crap his job is all day every day he can start to see a bit clearer. He'll also see your child when they're not screaming which might help too. Got to tackle one thing at a time - take work out the equation for time being. Our Dr was happy to sign off rather than treat with drugs which was a good thing i think. It will improve.