Nosey blinkin' overstepping the mark health visitors..

[pfer]

Is it just my health visitor who puts words into your mouth and generalises far too much about how you should treat your own kids when she hasn't even got any of her own?

She actually suggested that dh has beaten me!!

parp

What did she say?

Well, I bruise easily - always have - and she saw a bruise on my upper arm (not even a big one she should see my shins) and she actually asked if dh had done it, I said "NO!", good grief..... and then she starts on about how he appears to be quite highly strung and volatile!! Yeah, he is when she's around because she makes you feel like you don't deserve to have kids and that you're under constant scrutiny as if she's just looking for one slip up.....God my kids are happy, fed, played with, dressed (most of the time) and NEVER smacked... she's just a cow...

I know one in Sheffield who fits that definition Pfer - there are lots like it AFAIK

Just makes you feel like if you do have a prob and need advice you can't ask them as they'll see you as being unfit parents and take your kids....

Think they are being told to keep an eye out for potentially abusive relationships - there was something about it in the news about midwives asking about it during booking in appointments.

I suppose whether it's effective at spotting violent relationships depends on the efficiency and manner of the HV.

hunkerpumkin, I can see that but what about the people that aren't in those relationships (which is me) and are made to feel cr*p?

I just think sometimes they can be a little too quick to jump to conclusions.

Not defending her way of going about it - definitely not. But seeing bruises on someone might indicate that they are in an abusive relationship. Sadly this woman is crass enough to have upset you and it doesn't sound like you'd have confided in her anyway if there had been a problem

to be honest no I wouldn't. she's just too intrusive if you can get what I'm trying to say. I have heard that a new health visitor (a younger one that actually has kids and a partner) has just joined the local clinic, am going to ask to she her in the future if I have a need to see anyone. it's quite sad, but I'm not the only one who has a problem with her, she's just too goody goody..

Ask my Mum, Nan and anyones elses Mum and Nan and they will tell you the same thing, HV are good for the first few visits but you need to be able to get on with it!!! without interference.
As for bruises I am covered I must walk around with my eyes shut!
My mum used to say that when the Hv came around she pretended to be out!

Janmad, I think they should leave you alone apart from the necessary visits then you should contact them if you want help, they shouldn't bother you. Mine phones up to see if I'm OK!! I must seem like a complete case!!

Victoria Climbie was living in our local authority area so i kind of understand our HV clinics vigilance and regular phone calls because i hadnt shown up at the "drop in" clinic. It irritated about with my first as i really didnt "need" advice or feel the need to weigh my very healthy sized DD.

They were fab with my DS though when i had thrush and b/f issues.

I guess asking to swap would be a good idea.

I have a local baby clinic and I go there once a month with DD to weigh her etc I only had 2 visits from my HV she was ok but I did feel she was watching me very intently. I think that can be unnerving for a new mum.

my HV is a man.......and he's worth his weight in gold........

only had a couple of home visits and now go to the drop in clinic every two weeks to get ds weighed.

my HV tells me i know best....if i'm worried about an aspect of my childs health i'm probably right and i should always ask if i'm not sure.
i was relieved to be honest at how good my HV is because i've heard some terrible stories and was dreading getting an old battleaxe!!

pfer, you don't have to see your HV and you certainly don't have to let her in your home if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

Fortunately the Hall report will be implemented soon, meaning bye-bye to HVs turning up uninvited in homes that are ticking over just nicely. As my paediatrician frined said, " they're going to have to get off their backsides and work instead of sitting about in middle-class homes drinking tea all day".

I've never seen a health visitor that didnt annoy the hell out of me, mine have always been patronising busy bodies.

im doing research at the mo on domestic violence and the role of the health professional- sounds as if she is almost certainly taking on board new guidelines. For some women, HV's are a godsend for others they are meddling nuisances.

Tbh, most of the women i have had input from re my research have said how they welcomed their HV bringing up the subject of DV as they would not of had the guts to talk about it otherwise.

for what its worth, my HV was also a pain in the arse.

Hi,
Would just like to add that my hv is also a man and he is brilliant totally like moschops said about you know best your the mum!! I only saw him twice and he has now left me to it and said I could call anytime if I needed to, Maybe because men actually have faith in our abilities to bring up children whereas some women are just too judgemental! smile