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Original poster

Are these 'normal' thoughts?

20 replies

likklemum · 23/10/2005 22:53

I'm a bit concerned with the thoughts that have been popping in to my head recently. Ideas that something bad might happen to DS or DP and sometimes other members of my family. I try not to think about the thought (if that makes sense), but sometimes a full-on scenario will play out in my head. It is horrible.
At night, before I fall asleep are the worst times and I have to check that DS is okay and still breathing etc at the slightest cough or if I haven't heard him cough!
It makes me feel doubly bad because I feel like I'm tempting fate by even thinking of these things.
I have never suffered from depression. I'm usually very up-beat and cheerful and I am still like this most of the time.
DS's birth was quite over-whelming and frightening and I often replay it in my head and wonder if that could be the source of my concerns. To be honest, remembering labour is another thought I try to push away.
I also wonder if its because I can't believe how lucky I am and am waiting for it to go wrong.
I was just wondering if anyone else had any similar experiences? Is this just a part of being a mum - with constant worrying?

OP posts:

GeorgieVickyLou · 23/10/2005 23:01

Really strange, but yes I did this after Dd was born, she?s 6 months now and I don?t remember doing it for a while (or at least as often as I did) but for the first few months I often thought of scenarios where one or both weren?t around, DP left me, house was reprocessed by the bank, I couldn?t cope and I wasn?t depressed it was only at night when I couldn?t sleep or when DD was napping and I was just sat thinking, just thought it was me but perhaps it is a constant worrying thing

paolosgirl · 23/10/2005 23:02

If it's any consolation, I have exactly the same thoughts - again, just as I'm falling asleep are the worst. I won't go in to too much detail in case they are not 'normal' thoughts, and I get shunned by MN society! Sometimes they are so scary and frightening I get quite upset, but I think it is your brain trying to rationalise your worst fears, and also part of being a mum. There cannot be anything worse than losing a child, and I think the realisation of that horror - and the fact that it can, and does happen, is pretty overwhelming. Don't know if that makes any sense at all?!

frannykenstein · 23/10/2005 23:02

Oh good lord yes! I used to work for a woman who would get up in the night to plan fire drills for her and her 4 children. She would run through them with me in the morning and tell me my part if I was there when the house fell down or whatever.

I thought she was totally loopy....until I became a mother myself.

I think motherhood is a very overwhelming and emotional period in our lives and can affect us in all sorts of ways. Try not to dwell on the bad things too much, but it is completely normal and just a sign of how much you care for your family and want to protect them.

frannykenstein · 23/10/2005 23:04

Sounds like talking your birth experiences through with someone could be helpful, though, if you still find they are haunting you in another few months / year or so. There's no need to feel scared of what happened all your life.

QueenVictoria · 23/10/2005 23:04

Yep - ive had these thoughts myself before - more so after each of my two were born.

Its pretty normal (I hope!)

rickman · 23/10/2005 23:05

Message withdrawn

Original poster

likklemum · 23/10/2005 23:08

It does make sense and Im glad I'm not the only one. PM, yours sound a bit like mine, lots to do with accidents and the d word too etc. Thank you both for your rapid replies.
Alot of the time I find myself trying to stay up for longer so I dont have to think about stuff when I go to bed and am fast developing a different sleep zone from family and being shatered in the day.
My DS is 6months now and I agree that the frequency of the thoughts is less, but still too regular for my liking! Do they just go away on their own?

OP posts:

Pumpnik72 · 23/10/2005 23:13

Get this too, glad I'm not the only one - was v bad in first few weeks post birth but I think tied up with anxiety & PND. It's getting better now (dd 7.5 months) probably because I'm back at work & life settling down but I think will always be prone to it because of my personality.

I think it's such a big realisation that you love your child in such an intense way that it's frightening. Rambling, sorry..

GeorgieVickyLou · 23/10/2005 23:18

Please don?t correct me if what I thought I read was actually wrong? I read that cot death (sorry, shouldn?t really go here) generally happened in the first 6 months and I really think that now the six months are up I?ve been much happier at night no more lying awake for an hour just to hear DD move or sigh or something. Also I feel a lot happier about ?knowing what I?m doing? (if you ever know what your doing that is) think the lying awake waiting to hear her give me time for these 'thoughts'

moondog · 23/10/2005 23:48

likklemum....I have them too and although I don't like them,accept this is the price I pay for the privilege of being a parent.

I do work on replacing them with more positive images however,which also works.

JoolsToo · 23/10/2005 23:50

I find mentally redecorating a room if I can't sleep (which isn't that often I have to say) really helps

paolosgirl · 23/10/2005 23:51

I remember being scared witless, and literally unable to sleep at night in case they did the d word when they were babies. Now I lie awake some nights worrying about paedophiles, abduction, car crashes, being run over, getting some fatal illness, being stabbed as teenagers...it goes on and on and on and on and on. One lot of terrors pass and another lot come - although I have never been the most chilled person exactly, LOL!

Happylocketsthesmiler · 23/10/2005 23:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

moondog · 23/10/2005 23:52

Soft furnishings only or whole caboodle JT??

JoolsToo · 23/10/2005 23:54

oh everything - can't do half a job even mentally I even take a trip to Ikea (go mentally round the store) and see if they've got anything suitable

am I crayzeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?

paolosgirl · 23/10/2005 23:56

LOL Jools!

moondog · 23/10/2005 23:57

Blimey,what would be worse,contemplating bad things happening to your kids or reliving a trip to IKEA???

JoolsToo · 24/10/2005 00:02

especially at a weekend?!!!!!

it's very quiet when I 'go'

jabberwitchy · 24/10/2005 05:52

likklemum, as others have said, I guess all of us have times where we worry such as you are. I know I certainly do! However, your comment about a bad birth experience makes me wonder if that has anything to do with it. Going through a traumatic experience can also lead one to start worrying, sometimes obsessively, about the safety of loved ones. Have you talked to anyone about your birth trauma?

alimali · 30/10/2005 22:57

likklemum-I keep having awful thoughts at night as well. Im putting off going to bed at the moment as DH is away and I m worried I wont be able to sleep for worrying. I cry at least once a day worrying about the awful things that could happen to DS (only 9 mnths),if I read about tragedies in the paper I start crying for the parents of the deade children, and I cry when I go to see DS last thing at night because I still cant believe hes here at all. Writing it down makes me sound a bit bonkers but glad I'm not alone-wouldn't dream of telling DH as he would accuse me of being DOOM & GLOOM (which is true obviously).

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