Worried about mum, 65, memory lapse

[abeautifulbutterfly]

Sorry, this could be long but I'm worried.

My mum, 65, has just retired from a desk job she hated. She is physically very active (long-distance walks, gym 3 x week, hillwalking marathon-style "challenges", etc.) but (or perhaps because) she is terrified of "getting old". More than anything else she's terrified of Alzheimer's - her mum and paternal grandfather both ended with it. So she pushes herself - I think too far - and then when something goes wrong (knee joint, back, dizziness, tiredness - no shit sherlock!) she panics and is convinced This Is It.

But will she go to the dr's? No way. She ignores everything until there is absolutely no other way.

ANyway, 2 weeks ago she did some challenge - 20 miles I think - and felt ok, the next day carried on life as usual - and then on day 3 had some weird crash. She says she woke up at 6 and went back to sleep (normal) but then was woken up by the phone at 1 pm . It was her friend ringing for a chat but she could get no sense out of mum. Asked questions but Mum couldn't remember any answers - couldn't remember where my DB lived, what she had done the previous day, or even whether or not she had retired (so both short and medium-term stuff). This continued all day apparently, but when she woke up the next day everything was ok again, except that she only had a very hazy recollection of the previous day. She was told all this by her DP, who lives with her part time and by the friend, who rang back to check on her. Everything since has been fine.

So - what is this? Is it the onset of Alzheimer's? Is it a delayed reaction to retiring and possibly overtiredness? Or - and this is what I'm worried about - could it be a stroke?

I live abroad so I can't get to be with her right now (she only told me yesterday, and it happened 1.5 weeks ago!). She won't go to the dr's because she says "Well, what's he going to say now I'm ok again?" Nobody else seems to be pushing her to go either, they're all focusing on the stress of retirement...

Any ideas?

It could be a TIA (Can't remember exactly what it stands for) but is like a mini stroke in that blood stops getting to the brain for a v short while. Afterwards there are minimal effects for a short time.

I believe it does show up as a slight"scar" on the brain (at least that's what they said when my Dad had one). His was after an operation when they sent him home and he wasn't on blood thinning drugs. She should definitely go to see a GP, perhaps with her DP who can explain how she was.

She might need a preventative medication to ensure that it doesn't happen again, as well as some tests to check what happened and what's wrong with her.

Do try and persuade her to go.

From the very little I know about Alzheimers, that episode doesn't seem to fit the pattern.

It could have been a TIA (transient ischaemic attack) which could have been caused by her 20-mile trek. Or it could have been a combination of exhaustion and stress. Exhaustion is more than overtiredness and if she had carried on as normal on day 2 it could well be that her energy levels got too low by day 3. Again, from the very little I know about exhaustion, the body will automatically channel energy reserves into keeping essential aspects functioning, which doesn't necessarily include answering questions, even ones that would otherwise be easy.

It could also, as you suggest, be a delayed reaction to getting out of a job she hated. The initial phase can be wonderful - all that freedom, and release from stress! - but psychological stress can have a physical effect, and sometimes it's only when it's all over that the stress comes out.

Because there's a doubt about the cause, I'd suggest asking her friend and her DP that should this happen again to get to her quickly and assess the situation. If they have a concern about her mental sharpness, then it would be appropriate to either get her to A&E or if she won't cooperate then call an ambulance. Then at least there'll be some record either by a triage nurse or a paramedic of their findings.

I think all you can do is encourage her friend and DP and everyone else who knows her to intervene if it happens again.

Thank you very much. Yes, it didn't seem to fit Alzheimer's to me either so I will try and persuade her to go to the dr's and at least to promise that if anything similar happens again she go to A&E.

My mum had almost exactly the same thing happen to her last summer, she's 55. She slept very late and when I woke her she couldn't remember what we'd done the previous day.

Took her to hospital, she was kept in overnight and they diagnosed a stress related episode or possibly a TIA. Went for tests and it was neither, it was actually a seizure that she had in her sleep.

She's ok now but it took her a few weeks to go back to normal. Like your mum, she was improved in 24 hrs.

Ask your mum if she has a sore mouth or if she's aware she bit her tongue - if so, it could have been a seizure.

My mum's fine now, can't drive until a year after it happened but it hasn't happened since.

Don't want to worry you but whatever it was, it needs checking out - she will need a brain scan to check for TIA (the scarring that was mentioned) and a check for seizure activity.

It's not Alzheimers. Definitely persuade her to go and get checked - last thing you want is for her to have another incident, as dependent on the cause, it could be far more serious. What if she was driving and it happened again? She'd feel dreadful if she hit someone.

sounds very like a TIA and she absolutely needs to see her GP asap. if i were you i'd speak to her partner, get him to make an urgent GP appointment then bully her to go.

Well, I rang her again today, and she informs me that on Sat she did another challenge, this time 21 miles (which she polished off in 8 hrs ). And of course she's fine, bla bla, she was off to the gym today but I made her promise not to go, just to go for a gentle walk.

She had spoken to my D B, who is a physio with some geriatric experience (and her oracle) and he appears to have told her more or less what you peeps have said, only everybody, him included, seems to be playing it down. I can't speak to him, have no contact info for him and haven't been in touch (his choice) for years.

I think I will ring her back tomorrow and blackmail her into going to the GP. She is due to come out and see me here in a couple of weeks for 3 months and I will say I want her to go before she comes, to check that it's not likely to recur. Meds (even if she agrees to take them) will raise problems in themselves, though, as she always has some kind of reaction to any kind of drugs. Oh joy.

Can't count on friend, who is also at the other end of the country from mum, or her DP, who is only with her at weekends and is as much use as a chocolate teapot.

well she is an adult and really should take responsibility for her own health... you can take a horse to water etc

how frustrating for you.

Quick update - she has agreed to go to the Dr's!! Wonder what dr will say...

ANother quick update: thanks to all of you who confirmed me in suggesting Dr's for Mum, I told her I wanted her to go, and she agreed.
The Dr was lovely and said it did indeed sound like a TIA and told Mum off for not having been sooner. She has booked her in for blood tests and a scan.

I am rather cross at all concerned there (Mum's DP, friends, my brother) for knowing what was going on and not trying to get her to go to the Dr's - not one of them even suggested it to her! (FFS, turns out one of her friends' husbands has had a TIA himself so said friend knows exactly what was going on and still didn't suggest it!)

Just hope she gets the scan before she comes out here... Only 10 days' time but Dr said she would pull out all the stops...

Anyway, thanks again, MN to the rescue!

That's good that she's listened to you and seen her doctor and tests are underway. You must feel very relieved.

I'm not surprised you're cross that none of her family or friends tried to get her to see the doctor at the time.

I did not post the first time around, as everybody said it so well. I am glad you got her to see the doctor. Good.