How would I know if I had Aspergers?

[whatamess]

My DH (who is probably in the process of separating from me!) say he thinks I do. He's worked with Mental Health and Learning difficulties for years - so I guess he'd know.

At first I thought it was a bit of a joke, but I'm beginning to wonder. I was reading Adrian Mole recently and when I said to him that at least I wasn't as bad as that he said that often I was.

Thanks

there is someone on here, and old girl, who has Aspergers, she recently came to terms with it...sorry I can't remember who it was but someone else will be able to

Is this any help?

Whatamess - take a look at the Special Needs section - you will meet people who will be able to help you.

Thanks, I've started reading some of the SN threads

whatamess, so sorry

you need to go to your GP and ask to be refered on to the consultant dealing with AS diagnosis in your area. Jenk1 has recently been diagnosed x

the ed phyc has said that she thinks that my daughter has aspergers tendencies... I thought the woman was completely mad but the more I think of it.... maybe she is right.
in girls apparently it is a lot more subtle..

it doesn't occurr to daughter to say hello to people, even when her dad comes home from work... when we ask her she just shruggs and say's she knows he's there..
not very affectionate... only on her terms
doesn't get jokes, or idioms..
takes things very litrally.. ie pull your socks up, she does just that...
she doesn't do small talk, ie, never asks how you are even if you've been really ill... it just doesn't occure to her..

obviously now we realise these things we will remind her... I think it was these things that EP was meaning..

how does it affect you...

I would guess being 35 that I can't be too badly affected - otherwise someone would have said something before now. Saying that I was a very odd child - with few friends, bullied for being different, couldn't cope with the changes that growing up brought. I must admit that having to be reminded or learning how to be affectionate sounds like me. Also I think that I can be blunt (or rude?) when speaking to people sometimes. I don't really have any close friends but with work a family and a seious hobby I guess I don't feel I miss that. I'm not very good at working round spontaneous situations. Oh yes and I'm very good at maths!!

I guess I don't really know what other things about me my DH has seen.

The thing is if I've lived my life so far do I ned to know? Actually maybe a husband who's leaving me answers that.

I'll keep reading. Thanks for the support

Whatamess - I hope you don't mind me asking, but what is your serious hobby?

Not at all - it's Aikido. Not usual but not odd iyswim.

Hi whatamess, whilst your husband may be right (it is not that unusual to discover that you are Aspergers later in life), if you are in the process of seperating, it is also possible that he may just not be being very nice. How did he raise this with you? I am imagining something along the lines of "how can I possibly cope with you - you have Aspergers" (it's not my fault) if you see what I mean? I'm probably not explaining myself very well, but I'm not sure that I would neccessarily take what he has said entierly at face value. By all means follow it up, and you may find out some interesting things about yourself that help you to be happier, fit in etc. On the other hand you may be just fine!

Whatamess, are you happy with your life? If not then maybe it's worth looking into, but if you are... well you've had 35 years to come to terms with who you are, that may well be all you need.
Only you can make that decision.

After Sam got his dx, the Paed told us to look for signs in other relatives that Aspergers might be present. We hit on my BIL immediately, as he has yet to leave home at 30 and never will now I suspect. But my DH also has signs (obsessive technical hobbies for instance). But the only person I can find who meets the criteria as well as Sam is frankly, me. I have a few really good friends I have known since I was 11, but find it hard to make new ones. I am rubbish at smalltalk, get obsessive about anything I am doing, find touching anyone but my kids and dh hard, am blunt etc etc

I don't know if I have AS, and at this stage in my life I don't need to know. I am settling into an academic way of life at Uni well as I have found that suits me. I ahve a dh who loves me dearly and whom I adore, and 3 kids to whom I am just 'mum'. My sister's have always regarded me as odd and I am not close to them at all, but have accepted that. The years of bullying etc as a kid are well past.

Only you can decide if this is where you need to go now. Would a diagnosis of AS explain lots of traumatic stuff, or help you deal with your breakup? If so, see your GP. If it would harm your self esteem though (as it would mine as it is fragile), don't rush into it.

Thanks again for the replies.

Nooka - I had thought about that, but in some ways Aspergers could give an excuse for some of his complaints about me, so I'm not sure. He has mentioned it on a few occasions.

PeachyClairBingoBabe (what a name!). A lot of what you say about yourself sounds like me. I know I can be a bit odd and awkward and most people who know me wouldn't realise that I don't have any closer friends than them. I don't think I would find the label traumatic as you are what you are, in fact it might be nice to explain some of my eccentricities however I don't want to use them as an excuse not to try - I'll ahve a think about going to see the GP. I have to say thinking about it it doesn't seem a priority at this ppoint in time.

Thinking about other members of my family my Dad and a niece spring to mind as having some of thess attributes so maybe there's a few of us on the edge!

Hi whatamess, I only ask because my dh has a tendency to acuse me of being passive agressive when he is annoyed with me (although he has no qualifications in this sphere at all, so a little different to your dh!) Of course there is the other aspect - if you did have Aspergers would it explain some of your complaints about him (assuming you have some)? I know from reading up on Aspergers (my nephew had a diagnosis a while ago) that many people with Aspergers feel that the rest of the world is very odd, not them (and who is to say they are not right - many things many of us do routinely are a bit odd when you think about them). I don't know that a diagnosis would make things different for you, except if you find situations difficult at times, and could do with different approaches (ie the why do I do this, what could help me cope better). I think all of us could do with help on this one from time to time, to be honest .

oh, and Asperger's traits do seem to run in families.