My Friend Has Bowel Cancer- how can I help?

[JakBat]

I found out last week that my very good friend (and my little boy's childminder) has bowel cancer. It's absolutely devastating. She is so strong and always thinking of others and this is the first time I have ever seen her so shaken. Her family is in pieces. She has a scan to find out if it has spread to the liver on Saturday, and if it hasn't an operation next week. How can I help? I am just praying the scan is clear. I'd be really grateful for any advice

Deborah Hutton's book might be useful for you

My dad was diagnosed with non-Hodgkins lymphoma following testicular cancer last year, and I found that with him it was best to treat him exactly as I always have - no weeping and wailing, no treating him as if he were fragile. He also preferred it if we didn't tiptoe around the cancer and his treatment, so we talked about it in a straightforward manner. I don't know if that's how your friend would prefer you to be, but I suspect she won't want the cancer to change the way you see her.

All you can do is let her know that you're there for whatever she wants. If she wants to talk, if she wants a hug, if she wants to cry, you'll be there to let her do it. Talk to her about what practical help you can give her, too - the treatment is likely to make her ill and there will be days when she is unable to do things for herself and might appreciate some practical help - or even just someone to sit with her and hold her hand.

I hope that the news from her scans is as good as it can be, and that her surgery is successful.

Thanks WigWamBam, wise words. She is very straight-talking so I think she will appreciate a straightforward approach. I hope your Dad is OK now. Bakedpotato, just ordered Deborah Hutton's book! Thanks for that.

Jak, I posted an almost identical one to you not so long back. My friend also has bowel cancer. She has had part of her bowel removed and is having chemo/ radiotherapy now. Thankfully it was caught early so the prognosis is good. I will look for my thread, hang on.

here, I hope this helps

I said to her that I had no idea what to say, but was thinking of her and helped her out with practical things - she has no internet access and I printed off some addresses and pages of information for her, did online shopping etc. If she wanted to talk I would call round at anytime.

Thanks so much gingerbear. I'm going to make food for the family (although nobody feels like eating at the moment). I thought I'd make her a special hospital bag with a poetry book, some nice toiletries, pictures by my DS, that kind of thing. It's been such a tough year. I lost another good friend (to breast cancer in February) and my brother in August. Too much bad news! (no wonder I'm hitting the red wine every night).

hi jakbat

my SIL was diagnosed with bowel and liver cancer in april. given 6 months to live. she's had bowel surgery and then liver surgery (which is quite rare I think, they usually do chemo instead) and now apparently, rather surprisingly, they think she's clear. she's still having some chemo though.
It's rather early to tell if she's definitely OK but I thought you might like to hear a positive story. she has 2 young children too.

mandrake, what an amazing story. Your SIL must be such a strong, positive person to have got through all of that. My friend is very blue at the moment but I know her inner strength will get her through this. Once she gets through this initial shock and hopefully starts having treatment and feeling more proactive things will feel better. Lots of luck to your SILX