Update on Rindercella's DH

[Rindercella]

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

So sorry to hear this, thinking of you all. xx

thinking of u and ur family xx

Oh, Rinders.

You are in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

Rinders, sorry to hear this, thinking of you and your family and praying for your dh x

My thoughts are with you and your family Rinders x

Rinders, I'm thinking of youx

Oh love. So sorry x

Thinking of you all Rindercella. Praying for strength and peace for you all. Hold your girls tight and hold your love close.

Very sorry to read your last update Rindercella. I will be thinking of you all tonight. xx

Wishing you all love and strength x

Lots of love and strength to you all.

thinking of you and yours tonight, Rinders. x

Have lurked on your thread wishing I had something useful to say and been so inspired by your amazing strength and bravery - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

Love and strength to you allxx

Thinking of you all tonight, Rinders. Love and strength to you, DH and your beautiful girls.

You're in my thoughts. Love and strength to you all.

I am so sorry that things are not looking good at the moment.

You are inspirational in your strength and dignity in dealing with this unbearable situation.

Words feel inadequate - I'm sure everyone on here wishes there was more that we could do to help - but in the absence of anything else, my thoughts are with you and your family tonight.

I'm a clinical nurse specialist in palliative care and don't want to cause any conflict of interest with any other advice you might be getting but if you want to run anything past me feel free to message me.
His pain relief could well be optimised by a short stay in the hospice - it's often really useful as people are continually monitored and the effects of medication can be closely observed. That's without the psychological support for DH, you and the kids if needed, and other things like complementary therapies etc. that go on in there.
I'm here if you need any support. It's a horrid and unfair situation that you're going through.

I hadn't read the rest of your thread when I repied so I apologise for that. I'm so sorry that he is deteriorating - thinking of you and your family at what must be a nightmarish time for you all. You sound like an extremely strong woman.

Thoughts and prayers with you,your DH and your family Rinders. xxxx

Have been lurking here for sometime. My good friend went through this last year. Love and strength to you and all your family

Shit Rinders. So sorry :(

If you need me to pick up any children and take them for a bit just holler, you have my number.

Good luck tonight.

Am thinking of you all Rinders x

Thinking of you and yours tonight.

Have been reading through and mainly scanning your messages, so unsure if this has been said.

When my dad was dying of cancer I sat with him and talked about what he wanted from his funeral, and we picked his songs. Sitting rubbing his little feet while listening to a song with your dad and knowing the next time your hear it will be when he is gone was not a high point I must admit.

But we knew exactly what he wanted and gave him the best send off. I know he would have been so happy with it. While it's still very hard 1.5 years on, I think of the wake, the laughs, the irreverance and the lovely music he picked himself and it's very comforting. All that was missing was him.

I cant imagine what it must be like to be on the brink of losing your husband, and it's probably not a job you want. But maybe his sister could do it?

It made it so much easier knowing that we were adding all the touches that emphasised the man he was, and the way he wanted to be remembered before effing Cancer.

huge hugs xox