Update on Rindercella's DH

[Rindercella]

Apologies for putting my name in the thread title - it seems so self important but I don't mean it to be. So many of you offered so much help, support and fantastic advice, I just wanted to let you know where we are at. Previous threads here and here.

DH was diagnosed with advanced metastatic prostate cancer with secondary lymph node cancer in May last year, when our DD2 was just 5 weeks old. 9 months on and things are very far from well. DH's health has unfortunately really deteriorated since then. Particularly since Christmas he is suffering so much more pain and discomfort. He can now barely eat and is just so, so weak.

He saw his oncologist yesterday and he is to start a course of chemotherapy starting next Wednesday. He also needs a blood transfusion next week (and thank you to everyone who gives blood, what a brilliant thing you do).

He is a very, very ill man. It is so bloody hard to see the man I love so very much waste away. There is no prognosis. I know he is going to die from this fucking awful disease. I just don't know when.

I am getting counselling, which is definitely helping me. And my SIL is now more or less living with us which is so fanastic I cannot tell you - her being here helps us all so much, and it helps her and it helps the rest of their family, knowing that she is here. I actually don't know how I coped for the last couple of months before her arrival. I am still manically busy, and that's with an extra person helping me. I think DD1 feels it very much too and is especially clingy to me and she really hates me leaving her (eg when I drop her off at preschool).

Mostly this seems so surreal. Like I am not really typing these words. Cancer. Chemo. Only pallative. My darling husband. Those things just shouldn't be joined together. But they are and it is very, very painful.

I hope that the chemo does make DH feel better (I understand that he is likely to have bad days following the treatment). The worst pain for him is in his bones. He sometimes screams out with the pain. Just heartbreaking.

Does anyone have andy advice on how best to help him through his chemo?

HI Rinders. (I am not here - gave MN up for Lent so don't tell anyone!)

Glad you are sounding a bit brighter and very glad the hospice are managing to help your DH.

I'll keep checking in. Hope the news continues to be positive.

I know what you mean about feeling you can only post about this. It is so all consuming.

Thanks all for your lovely messages.

Today hasn't been quite so good. DD1 has been throwing up pretty much constantly. I thought she was ok after the first bout (really bright & chatty), took a chance and drove over to see DH only for poor DD1 to start being sick again about a mile away from the hospice. So I ran in, said hi to DH and dropped some stuff off and then had to come home. We were both so disappointed but there is no way that DD1 can see him.

DD2 seems fine although it took me ages to go down for a nap. I think I have managed to break my little toe. I stubbed it this morning, heard a crack and it is now black & blue. It bloody hurts! There's nothing you can do about broken little toes is there?

The good news is that DH is really bright today. He keeps calling for chats - must be a good sign that he's bored?! He has a friend visiting now and I think that will do him some good. I am gutted though that I can't see him today. DD1 is now fast asleep in bed. That by itself means she's ill. The only time she has napped in the daytime since she was about 9 months old has been when she's been unwell. Poor darling.

Rindercella, I don't post often, but do think about you lots.

I am so glad that your DH is having a bright dayIt sounds like they are getting good control with his pain?
sorry the DC are unwell though.

Is your SiL not about anymore then? Do you want me to come and babysit so you can go visit him. DD is at preschool in the morning - I could come from about 9:30 till 11:30 if it'd help? :) With DS in toe but I'm not scared of a bit of vomit!

Thank you Nutella.

WhoMoved, my SIL is back in London at the moment. She's due back here on Sunday. So....if it's really no problem, would you be able to pop over for a couple of hours tomorrow morning?? It'd be lovely to see DH. If not, then my wonderful, wonderful mother's help is here late tomorrow afternoon so she could look after them while I go to see him. I have to warn you though, there is a lot of sick coming from DD1. Very unusal for her. I have just stuck my 4th load of washing on because of it. Small blessings is that it is only one end that's the problem! DD2 seems unaffected so far .

I've sent you a FB message but yes of course. I will have DS in tow. I'll drop DD off at 9am and then we are umm three miles away so I'll see you probably about 9:15. I will need to head off at 11:35 to pick her up though, so you won't get a lot of time I'm afraid and I have a dentists appt after that so I need to whizz off to the village you used to live in for that too. If you need any help in the afternoon I could come back though, or if they are all feeling better they could come play over here till your mum can get there?

She'll probably be right as rain by tomorrow (fingers crossed) - vomiting bugs tend to have a 24 hour lifespan providing you stick to fluids. But fear ye not, DS was a hurler as a baby, I'm now completely immune from the effects of it. I'll bring a spare top though! Just leave lots of clothes out and point out the washing machine!

I hope you have a restful night :)

I know I don't need to tell you this but please practice extreme hand hygiene - you don't want to pass this bug onto your DH at the mo! :)

whomoved - you are fab!

rinders - sorry poor DD1 is ill - poor wee mite!

Glad DH feeling brighter though.

(I am still not here!)

good news that you'll be able to have a fleeting visit tomorrow, whomoved is a good egg. (and fingers xed re the 24 hour-ness of the bug).
glad that dh is bored and chipper enough to phone, i know it's small mercies at this point but it is lovely.

Whomoved, you are indeed fab! Thank you I think I said much earlier in this thread that I would take your offer of help up one day, and tomorrow is that day!

God, my little toe is seriously black blue. And it hurts. A lot. There really is nothing to be done is there?

Poor you - vomiting child and a broken toe - like you needed anything else and no, you are right, there isn't anything they can do for a broken little toe - except maybe strap it up for you tomorrow - ask one of the lovely nurses at the hospice, I'm sure they'd be happy to help - just don't wear your stinky trainers

It's great to hear that DH is getting stronger & more chatty

Have you looked at any holiday places yet?? Book something lovely to look forward to :)

I understand what you mean about posting trivia - it's just 'easy' and allows you to forget about the crappy bits of life for a few minutes. There's absolutely no reason you shouldn't post under your own name, but I do get how you feel. Have you considered using another name for the 'random crap' threads?

Hope DD1 is feeling better tomorrow and that DD2 avoids it - and you of course!! and most especially DH x

i think they can at least strap it to your less broken toes, and maybe those ibuprofen gels might work? poor you, a broken toe is pretty miserable, and you don't tend to get the sympathy that it merits because a toe stub is a stoopid injury.

RInders, I broke my big toe many years ago and strapping is the only answer. Happily, I could walk / hobble OK in a few (maybe 3 or 4) days and was bouncing again by about a week, even though still badly broken. I was 16 at the time, but remember the pain subsiding really quickly. Fingers crossed its the same for you.

You need to strap the broken toe to the next toe and take ibuprofen. If you don't have any, I'll bring some with me - I probably don't have any strapping left (the children were playing with it) but I'll have a look. What size shoe do you take - do you own any crocs - they are the easiest on it.

Other than that I would suggest

WMMC - you are a star, thank goodness you are close to Rinders and can help out!

Rinders, nothing useful to add apart from suggesting that you get some lucozade in for DD1, flatten it by adding water (gets rid of the fizz) and only let her have water, dry toast and flat lucozade until the vomming stops. Even if it's a virus, keeping the work the digestion has to do to a minimum should help it pass quicker, fingers crossed.

Hope she gets better really soon and that no one else goes down with it.

A very public thank you to WhoMoved who looked after the girls wonderfully this morning. She even put my washing in the dryer, cleaned up the breakfast things, etc. What a wonder woman, thank you

WhoMoved being there meant that DH and I had a rare hour or so alone today, which was night. Unfortunately he'd had a really bad night and so was particularly weak today. He'd been very sick last night, but there's no way of knowing whether that was a reaction to the chemo or perhaps the bug that DD1 had. Thankfully DD1 hasn't been sick since yesterday evening, so hopefully she's over it now.

Thanks for the sympathy & advice over the toe. WhoMoved brought me some ibuprofen round and I will get one of the nurses at the hospice to strap it up later. Can't wear shoes, only flipflops so now I wish I'd had a pedicure instead of a manicure the other day! Untended winter feet are not pretty.

My wonder woman mother's help is round later and I know she'll get dinner ready when I am visiting DH - last week she had the most amazing feast laid out for us when we got home. In spite of everything, I feel so lucky to have some amazing friends & family around us.

which was nice not night.

was just thinking of you rindercella glad you have some fab friends and family.

Hope your DD is on the mend now and hope your toe is a bit better too.

Any time! :) It was a pleasure, they are such nice little girls. I have warned DH in case you need a night time babysitter at short notice. I hope you won't but you can't always predict these things.

WMMC thank you for doing something on our behalf. We all would help if we could. kind thoughts going to the Rinders and Chocolate families.

Aww that's lovely. Shame the "nest of vipers" brigade never look at threads like this. I hope you get to have a good weekend, Rinders. Is there any indication of how long your DH will be in the hospice for?

Rinders is the star I could not cope with what she is coping with and be so together, gorgeous and calm frankly!

How are things Rindercella?
You are doing a fab job of keeping things going, do you find it helps to be busy? Does DH have any contact with the oncology social workers?
Steve had 2 SWs and they sorted out 24/7 care at home.
We also had the district nurses several times each day and night.
These were the things we needed in order to follow Steves wishes to die at home with me and the kids. We were able to have 9 more precious weeks as a family, which we filled with memory making stuff, we did have to bring forward fathers day and our twin DDs birthday forwards a few weeks and he managed to stay with us until 2 days after our girls 14th birthday.
Make sure and take photos and video footage, my children still take great comfort from watching holiday DVDs and looking at photos of their Dad, and with your children being so young it will be good for them to have photos and a memory box.
How are the extended family dealing with it all?
Take care and please keep talking, we will never tire of listening. You all need support throu this.

thinking of you all xx