Need to sort myself out. How to get the motivation?

[Notfelinefine]

Am a regular but have name changed, mainly because I know a few RL people on here and I don't want them to know how pathetic and desperate I am

I have a preschooler and a baby under 6 months. I am 2 stone over my prepregnancy weight, and even that was a good 10lb more than I wanted it to be. The problem is when I am pg I am miserable and sick and in a lot of pain which makes me eat and not exercise, and now I am bfing I am so hungry all the time.

The baby is waking at least once or twice a night, and rarely goes down in the evening before 11pm.

I am soooo tired, feeling really run down (have a sore throat and spotty). I don't do any exercise. I try to get out for walks but it is either difficult with my preschooler, or I am too knackered from being up in the night. Plus I live in the middle of suburbia with no where nice to walk to to which makes me even less motivated.

I am eating a bit better than the early days, but still not great, and too much, but am always hungry, and often eat late as I wake up starving when I am up feeding the baby, and if I am hungry it stops me getting back to sleep.

I just generally need some help and tips on how to feel better in general. Very few of my clothes fit, I feel frumpy and ugly which doesn't help. I'm not buying anything new as I can't afford to and I really just don't intend to stay this weight.

I have a big birthday coming up which is making me feel even more depressed. I can't help but feel if I there and am still like this it is a bad omen for the years to come (I know that sounds ridiculous).

I could go and do exercise classes in the evening but it's tough when the baby doesn't go down, and I am just so tired. DH does the occasional night, but doesn't like to do it when he has work the next day, and that is sometimes 6 days a week. And what the two kids he is a knackered (and unfit) as I am.

I need some help! I don't need to be told 'go out for a walk' 'go to an exercise class' what I need to be told is how to do that when I am feeling so knackered and unmotivated or how to fit that in when things are so full on with the kids. And I know I shouldn't eat so much bad food or just so much in general, but I need ways to feel fuller and satisfied but healthier. Plus nice food is the only treat I have at the moment. Doesn't help that I am not feeling well and the only thing I fancy for my sore throat is ice cream.

I just need to feel better both within and about myself, but I have lost all perspective and ability to do that, which is why I need some help.

Pathetic aren't I?

You are not pathetic.

Someone might come along with better advice, but if i was you, I'd start by cutting yourself some slack. You're breastfeeding a small baby and have a toddler. Of course you're knackered, of course you're hungry and of course you're eating what's convenient and easy.

At this point, I'd recommend not trying to change everything, it's probably too hard and you're setting yourself up for failure. Try changing lots of small things rather and, when you are successful with those, you'll start to feel more motivated and better about yourself.

So for example, commit to a healthy breakfast that's easy like cereal and dried fruit. If that's the ONLY food change you make, it's a good one, and will not only make you feel psychologically better about yourself but will also have a positive impact on your body.

If "real" excercise is too hard right now, try a few smaller things - take the stairs when you're out with the baby, rather than the lift (if that's possible with a pushchair) obviously. Or even just commit to going up and down the stairs at home an extra time every time you are going up anyway.

Small changes, but I believe that if you acheive them, you'll start toi feel more in control which will allow you to start making bigger changes down the line.

Good luck!

Also, try to find some time for yourself, even if it's just half an hour to have a bath and put on a facemask while DH looks after the DC. Exhaustion is the single biggest contributor, IMO, to weight gain, lack of exercise and ill health.

Thanks :)

Actually cereal is the one healthy think I eat. I start everyday with sultana bran & skimmed milk. It just sort of seems to go down hill from there. I'm just stuck in this knackered and demotivated cycle.

as other posters have said - you aren't pathetic! You are understandably exhausted. You probably live a pretty active life chasing after your toddler so exercise can wait a while. You have the rest of your life to worry about your weight - so no big diets until you have fully recovered from pregnancy and birth and stopped breastfeeding. Instead, focus on building up your strength and morale by:

1. Eating regular meals (doesn't matter if they are convenience foods)

1. Drinking plenty. Breastfeeding uses up a lot of fluid and being even a little dehydrated will make you feel a lot worse.

1. Going clothes shopping for some really nice flattering and comfortable clothes in your current size. Don't put off shopping until you have achieved your goal weight.

1. For big occasions - get yourself some lovely shoes, a decent haircut and a spanx. This is how celebrities manage to look so terrific within days of giving birth.

Look after yourself and good luck

PS sultana bran with skimmed milk is far too light a breakfast for a breastfeeding Mum with a toddler to cart about. Add in a couple of pieces of toast and a pint or so of tea!

Hi, it sounds like you may have post-natal depression. I had it after each of my 3 pregnancies. The last one was the worst...I was completely run down and very depressed. I didn't even have the strength to feed myself anymore! I had to start looking after myself and not just the baby and her brother. So I called my social worker and I ended up going to a convalescent home (with my baby) for 6 weeks. I stopped breast-feeding so I could take anti-depressants for a while, and I got better. I'm not saying that you might need all that but I'd certainly get some professional advice (social worker and doctor)as soon as possible if I were you. Good luck.

Have you tried drinking about 4 hi-ball glasses of water in the space of half an hour. The parts of the brain controlling hunger and thirst are quite close together, so you may think you are hungry when you could actually be very thirsty or even dehydrated. You could do this when you're in between BF and resting AND it also may help you lose weight.

If you drink the first glass and then wait about 10 mins and have another if you're still feeling hungry. Wait another 10 mins and have another glass. After a futher 10 mins, drink a further glass of water. It should work out like this, eg:

Initial glass of water at, say, 2.00pm
2nd glass at 2.10pm
3rd glass at 2.20pm
4th glass at 2.30pm.

If it was hunger, that feeling will still be there, in which case, have something to eat. If it was thirst, then it should be quenched by having all that water (unless you are dehydrated).

You should also see your GP for a chat about how you're feeling and they may take some blood for testing.

Thanks for the replies. The water thing is a good idea, however part of the problem is that I am eating for pleasure or comfort sometimes & no matter how full I am I keep thinking about that cake/chocolate etc. Doesn't help that I don't feel like I have much pleasure in life at the moment so food is a highlight. I don't mean that in a depressed way, there just is little time for me to do the stuff I enjoy especially as the baby doesn't really sleep in the evenings & isn't good at sleeping when out & about. She really needs a morning nap or I spend the whole day fighting to get her to sleep, so I often cancel the things I have in the morning. I can choose social life or happy baby!

I don't know if I am depressed. How can you tell? I'm tired because I'm up in the night and have 2 children (though eldest does nursery 2 days which is a godsend), I'm overweight because I am too tired to exercise & eat properly & miserable because I look shit & feel like shit. Vicious cycle which is hard to break. How do you know what is depression & what is just when life is a bit tough? It's funny you should talk about a convalescent home as while I know it must be awful to be so unwell, I occasionally nurture fantasies where I am struck down by some mild but highly contagious illness or break a leg or something so I could be admitted to hospital to have a break from it all.

I don't know, part of me thinks this is such hard work & I am so tired I wish life was easier, the other part says get a grip, plenty of other people have two kids and are doing much better, I am lucky to have a supportive husband, why aren't I just getting on with things. Other mums on maternity leave set up their own businesses ffs

I'd agree with what some others posters have said - make small changes over a period of time. You won't notice them so much but they build up very quickly and before you know it, you've completely changed your lifestyle.

I also think you may have PND (unfortunately I don't have children so could be talking cobblers)but the way you're talking does sound like mild depression.

How about this for an exercise routine? (saw this on the One Show so must be right ) They got 2 healthy people and got them to do a fitness test, you know the usual thing of running on a treadmill whilst breathing into a mask thing. They then monitored them for 5 weeks - the healthy woman followed the usual advice of 20/30 mins of exercise 3/4 times a week (she chose running).

They then set the guy his routine which was 4 mins I think 4/5 times a week. In that 4 mins he had to exert himself to breaking point for 30 secs (again he ran), walk for 30 secs, breaking point again for 30 secs and so on for 4 mins only.

At the end of the 5 weeks they measured their fitness levels again and the woman had stayed as she was (they were both fit, pretty healthy weight etc.) but his fitness levels had improved 50% and he'd lost a stone. Like he said if you're given the option of 20/30 mins of regular exercise or just 4 mins most people can find 4 mins in a day. My hubbie's now doing it (he uses a spin cycle) and when he decided to take a run round the block with the dogs (hasn't done that for ages) he said he could feel the difference and did shave a few mins off his usual time.

But anyway, small changes. How about deciding that you'll carry on eating as you want but let's say half of the time you reach for a snack, you'll make the snack a piece of fruit. Focus on that for a while and then after a week or so, halve the snacks again for a piece of fruit. And before you know it, all your snacks will be a piece of fruit.

I'm just saying that very small changes over a period of time add up - also I always find that taking control of something incredibly small makes me feel better. Then I can feel that I can apply some control to the next thing and so on and so forth.

Like I say, I don't really know about these things but would it help to focus initially on setting up sleep patterns for the little one, so you could maybe start to get a full nights sleep? Apologies if this sort of thing isn't really possible, I believe whatever they tell me on the TV

Maybe the first thing to tackle would be to stop beating yourself up - you're not pathetic, you're just struggling a bit.

Anyway I'm sure I've helped you sleep with my boring ramblings.

Thanks for the info about exercising. Think it's called interval training. Sounds doable.

I know what you mean about small changes. I have actually been telling myself that for a while, but I'm a bit 'all or nothing' when it comes to things like this so I'm finding it hard to just get on with it.

Hmm to the pnd though. Should I be booking a visit to the gp?

How do you know what's pnd and what is just knackeredness?

Hi there, I really sympathise. Was feeling like you are now this time last year and still struggle with a wakeful one year old most nights. Just thought I'd let you know this is what helped me;
When I got the chance I painted my nails or had a long bath ( with ipod to block out any noise) just to feel human and not just a mummy.
I got the 30 day shred dvd, about £6.00 from amazon, which has 20 minute workouts starting from fairly easy and getting harder as you progress with your fitness levels. There are huge threads on here to testify as to how effective it is. The 20 mins is great in that you can do it during babys nap and then flop on the sofa and nap yourself .
I accepted that I was'nt one of those mums whose weight flew off while bfing. When I finally stopped things speeded up.
I had my iron levels checked which were low and started on ferrograd c which helped with tiredness.
By the Summer months I would go for runs at the weekend, telling myself it would be a really short run cos I was so tired but once out there would run for longer, and was starting to feel like my old self again.
I used to question myself as to the possibilty of pnd but to be honest just knew I was exhausted from getting so little sleep.
Food was also a huge treat for me and I still mainline chocolate after a bad night with dd but we are only human and c'mon you have a lo under 6 mths. Give yourself a break!
Take small steps and stop being so hard on yourself. It will get better. Good luck. x

Hi again. Depression is very sneaky....it creeps up on you gradually and, like you said, you just carry on thinking that all you need to do is get a grip, or that you really have no real reason to be depressed....but you carry on feeling miserable.

I've had depression on and off all my life, but even now (I'm 52)I still don't always recognise the symptoms until I'm really bad.

You say you have no real reason to be depressed...how do you know? By what standard are you measuring yourself by? We are all different and we can all become depressed for a wide variety of reasons, including (and even more so)after having a new baby. It never means that you are weak.

Finding out if it is depression isn't hard....social workers and GPs usually get you to answer a 10-question form, and the points you score give them an idea as to whether you are depressed or not, and to what degree. You can even find these questionnaires online.

You might just be a tad anaemic, or run down. I definitely was after my 3rd. A quick visit to see your GP would set your mind at rest or get you on track to feeling better. I hope this helps.

Thanks all.

I do have 30 day shred, I just haven't had the courage to try it yet as I am so unfit!

Have booked to see the dr today. Hate this. I hate the thought of having PND. I feel like I just need to get a grip of myself.

Been to the dr and he has given me some fluoxitine :(

Hi. I'm glad you went to see the dr. You did the right thing. Don't be too upset, depression happens to the best of us! 1 in 5 people in the UK are suffering from some degree of depression. It really is quite common. The tablets will kick in in about 10-15 days and you will starts to feel loads better. You'll probably only have to take them for a few months, and as oon as you start feeling better you'll find you'll be able to cope better and start enjoying life again. Take care.

I forgot.....you said you had a sore throat and felt run down. Well, there's a virus going round, my daughter had it last week. It starts with a sore throat and she was completely exhausted. She hates missing college but even she had to take 2 days off last week because she was that tired. She was spotty with it too. She's much better this week though, so I reckon it only lasts about 5-7 days.

That's good to know. I think the breastfeeding is stopping me coming down with anything major. Hopefully things will start looking up soon. I just need a break, but then doesn't everyone?