Never felt so low

[LittleGreenFr0g]

I wasn't sure of the best place to post this but as the health issue is my overidding concern at the moment, I thought I try here!

In the past week I have turned 40, found a lump in my breast and realised that my DP of 11 will never marry me.

I went to the doctors yesterday and she has referred me to the breast clinic. I have an appointment next week. I am shaking with fear. I walked into the doctors a bundle of nerves but secretly hoping that she would send me away, saying it was nothing. I can't sleep or eat or do anything normal apart from look after the children. Can anyone tell me what to expect at the hospital?

It has been the worst weekend of my life and I wish next week would hurry up. Thanks if you've read this, I needed to write it down somewhere as i've not told anyone in RL (apart from DP).

I haven't been where you are (except the turning 40 bit) but I do know that many people have lumps on breasts investigated and they turn out to be totally benign. Even if it isn't, you know the success rate for treating breast cancer is getting higher all the time.

All the very best of luck to you.

(Re dp: have you tried asking him?)

Thanks for your reply. The doctor said the same thing but I know of so many people that have died from breast cancer, most recently someone last year. She was only in her 30's. She had a child the same age as one of mine.

Yes, I've asked him many times. He just doesn't see the need. He does love me. I truely believe that but just doesn't want to get married

It must make it a lot more scary, knowing people who have died of breast cancer, and so young too. You will have a hard time of things for the next few days, there is no doubt of that, but at least you are doing the right thing, getting it investigated, and there is always a chance you are one of the lucky ones.

Re dp: is he the father of your children? I know some people look upon having children together as far more of a commitment than marriage. I can't say I feel that way, but perhaps that is what your dp feels. I know a lot of people think marriage is just a piece of paper, but if that is the case with your dp, could he not go through with a ceremony just to please you?

OTOH, why is marriage so important to you? Does he understand your reasons for wanting it or does he think you just want to spend money on a party? Men don't always understand what we women want!

Hiya, yes he is the father of my children and yes, having children is more of a commitment. I don't want a party, or a big ceremony, I just want us to get married and be a complete family I guess? I always thought that I would get married. I know I'm lucky, we have a house and 3 beautiful children, and lots of people don't have this.

I having to push this to the back of my worries at the moment, and I can't deal with it plus the lump. I am starting to worry why she referred me so quickly? Did she see something that she didn't tell me?

Sorry you are going through this LGF.

I can give you info. about the breast clinic, so you know what is likely to happen.

You will see a consultant who will examine you, if they think tests are required they will send you for a mammogram and possibly a biopsy. mammogram - they put your breast between two plates so they are rather squashed and take a type of x-ray - slightly uncomfortable but pretty quick.
Biopsy - you will have a local anaesthetic, then they will remove one or two samples of the lump - this feels like a bit of pressure and pulling, but is not too bad. You will be a little bruised for a few days afterwards.

Sometimes they also do an ultrasound of the area.

You will be called back for the results in about a couple of weeks (depends on the hospital but I don't think it will be longer than that)

Remember lots of breast lumps are not cancer, but it's always good to have them checked out for your own peace of mind.

BC is a very treatable disease nowadays, there are more treatments coming up all the time, I was diagnosed at 48 and am now 51 and still here

If you want a chat, hand holding and support or info. do pop over to the tamoxifen thread - we are all at various stages of treatment and might be able to help with any questions you might have (lots of the ladies who visit the thread are like you at the waiting for a clinic appointment stage).

I'm sorry about the other problem - it must make the health problem hard to deal with when you have that on your mind too.

It is hard if you know people who have died from BC, I do too, but I know a lot more who have survived - it's a serious illness but it's one that is treatable.

just read your last post - they always refer people quickly, that is standard, - don't read anything into it.

Thank you Kurri for telling me what to expect, thats very kind I think its the waiting and not knowing which is worse. Saying that I'm pleased that my doctor referred me so quickly and they rang with the appointment today. I've now got to try and get on with life until then, and stop prodding, poking and checking!