anyone look/feel bigger than they actually are?

[mollysmum82]

I thought I was paranoid...but it turns out I'm not. I'm 5ft 5, 7 stone 10 and size 8 so I guess on average I'm on the small side. But I look and feel much much bigger.

I've always had food/weight issues and had bulimia for four years throughout uni, binging and making myself sick 4 or 5 times a day. My skin and health (and finances due to the binging) were horrendous and I eventually stopped when a tooth fell out and I started to cough up blood regularly from all the purging.

I've never had treatment for this though and I think it still lies with me ten years later.

Anyway I thought all this thinking I was big and needed to lose weight was in my head. But recent comments have made me think its not just in my head and I don't want to go back there again.

For example...

• I asked a sales lady yesterday to translate a size 36 for me at Kookai and she said "Aah I'm afraid this is a size 8, sorry" clearly assuming I'm much bigger than I am.

• At a recent bridesmaid dress fitting I had the same issue...I told the lady I was an 8 and she said "hmmm I don't think so, let's start with the 12 shall we?" and she was shocked when I was an 8.

• At a swimming pool the life guard said "you can't use the slides when you're pregnant!" I wasn't.

• did go to the doctors when I was having fertility problems and I asked if this could be because I was underweight. He laughed and said "haha you don't look underweight to me!"

• My mother in law always talks of her other daughter in law, saying "she's so small its not fair, she's not like us eh?"

You get the picture.

I know these are all really silly things and I know as an ex-eating disorder sufferer I take things to heart more, but why do you think people think I'm bigger than I am? Do you think its the clothes I wear or the way I hold myself? I kind if wish everyone would say "eat some pies, you're seven stone!" but instead they seem pleased when I'm on a diet and working my ass off running.

Anyway, sorry to moan, just been feeling a bit low of late

Hello, I didn't want to leave your post unanswered!

I am the opposite. I feel smaller than I actually am. It really does not make sense. I know how much I weigh. I know what dress size I wear. Yet I "see" myself differently. I am always a bit surprised when I see myself in the mirror or photos.

It is completely irrational I know that I am overweight and yet I don't accept it because I feel the same as I always did.

Apologies for not making sense!!!

Congratulations for beating your ED. You've managed to do what most with EDs fear will never happen, recover and stay at a healthy weight.

I have also suffered EDs including bulimia, in fact only must getting over it. My weight has fluctuated so drastically that i only really were legging loose tops etc and therefore have no idea what size i am but at the moment would guess huge.

It sounds awful but sometimes i don't want to recover. I want the control and the compliments, it so hard.

Weight is distributed differently when bulimia is involved could it be this?

Maemobley, you make complete sense, thank you so much for your post x

Thanks lots for your concern herecomesthesciencebint. I think you're right about the comments often just being daft, I do need to try not to take them to heart. But I really don't look underweight..like I say I wish I did because I think I'd get the support I need then! No I'm not having periods as I have PCOS too. I need a way of putting weight on without looking any bigger!

Bestmamaderwelt, I'm so sorry you've gone through this too - if you ever need to talk over it please PM me. I know just what you mean about the control and compliments. Only when I've been as small as I am now people have started to say I look nice, I wish they would think it was unhealthy and think the old 9 stone me looked nice!

You're totally right about weight distribution. ALL my weight seems to be on my torso, hence people thinking I'm pregnant. I have skinny arms, legs and bum but a truly disproportionally massive belly.

I'm not sure about other EDs but it seems the way every time with bulimia. My best friend is exactly the same to. If you have a tips on how about proportion let me know. But i think the only answer is exercise

Thank you so much for the offer. I'm sure at some point that would be great if your sure?

Carry on with the good work. You should be so proud of your self. Its such a hard think to beat and you've done so well. Think you have to remember you are never as big as you think you are and im sure totally gorgeous.

How long have you been recovered and have you had periods since? I'm still waiting .

Don't think its just bulimia. Re-feeding syndrome means that weight often seems to sit round the stomach and vital organs as after starvation these need protecting first. I have been told that the weight redistributes after a while so I hope that's true.......

I think your ED will make you more likely to misinterpret some comments too, especially if you are still feeling body conscious. Such a shame that people think you must suddenly be recovered just because your bones aren't sticking out of your skin and you teeth aren't falling out.

Stay strong

Of course I'm sure! You've done so well to get through this too and if I can help in any way I'd love to. You sound like a lovely person and I bet you are beautiful too :)

In terms of the proportion aspect, things I've done to improve my belly have been:

• do pilates and other tummy ab exercises (planks etc) along with running
• get a food intolerance test done and greatly reduce these foods in my diet. I can't believe what a difference this has made - if I eat oats I can literally see my tummy expand!

-drink lots of water but do it really slowly

That's the theory anyway, its just sticking to these things I struggle with!

I found with the ED distraction was really good - if I was left to my own thoughts for too long that's when the binging/purging would start. I also banned myself from buying any magazines with skinny (probably airbrushed) celebs. I had some professional lingerie photos done for my husband for his wedding present when I had some confidence back and I couldn't believe what they could do with airbrushing! I chose to keep the photos as natural as possible but it showed me the photos in those magazines aren't really real! Getting the photos done really helped with my issues and apparently its now used as a form of therapy in the States!

How have you got through it all then? You sound very strong.

No unfortunately I have PCOS so no periods...I don't know if I screwed my hormones up with the bulimia?

Thanks for your support Rubyrosered, that's really interesting about the weight distribution. Its been ten years though since it was happening regularly though so I hope it sorts itself out soon!

Oh and just to reiterate....at your stats there is ABSOLUTELY NO WAY that you need to loose weight! Don't let your mind trick you!

I am also struggling to come to terms with the fact that I look like a bean bag creature with a protruding belly and skinny arms and legs.....but I guess that in order to stay healthy with have to accept that our bodies may not always be as we wish they were.

Maybe people are happy to seeing you running etc because they mistakenly think this must be a sign that you are trying to be healthy rather than bulimic again? I think its very hard for people who have not had a ED to understand what goes on in the mind and also they misunderstand some of the behaviours and misinterpret them, eg running better that throwing up, but in reality it could just be another form of purging.....

Maybe you could ask your GP to talk to someone as this still seems to be affecting you a lot