my mums not well at all, please read and see if you can advise me x

[serzz]

hi everyone, i am new to mumsnet, i have a similar issue and wonder if anyone can give me advice. my mum is not a well woman at all. she is depressed along with other things and has to take a total of 10 tablets a day for her problems. a few months ago i found out that she has been picking at her own skin, this may sound weird well it is but i will try an explain as best i can. she has had one hell of a terible life. she has always been a dooer kind of person. she is now 47 and doesnt hardly moove out the house. so she has alot of time on her hands now to think about things this is why i think she has started to do this. she will find a bit of skin on her body and start to pick it, she does this without even realising. she picks an picks at the bit of skin until it turn into a sore. then once it heals she continually picks at it. she has sores all over her from this. one has even got infected. now i have said that she needs help. she cannot stop doing this to herself. everytime she picks i tell her to stop an she does but as soon as i turn away shes at it again. it took me a long time to convince her to go the docs, so she went. her doc gave her cream! that was it. she said i tried to tell him but he didnt want to know. she asked if there was someone she could talk to about it he said no. so yesterday when i came home form work she filled me in on what had happend at her docs appointment earlier on in the day. she went in and had to see a diffrnt doctor. even tho i had made the appoinment for her specifically with her doc who knows what she is taking and that shes really not well thinking that this time he will have to listen. she was sent to a diffrnt doc. she began to tell him about this porblem shes having with her ears. then after that she mentioned about having hot flushes as its getting her really down. then she showed him the worst of all the sores she has done he looked and winced and gave her cream! she said i dont need cream i cant stop doing it to myself, i physically cannot stop it.she was asking him for advice on what to do about her harming herself and he just didnt care. he then ushered her out an said problems to many problems. see anne on your way out about the flushes but you have to many problems.my mum walked out then after really plucking up the courage to admit she was causing this harm to herself. she left the docs forgetting to see anne. so she had to go back. this was like 15 mins after she had that she remebered. she went back in and went to the desk the young girl there said can i help, my mum said yeh i need to see anne for an appointment. the girl said shes doin it now. my mum said erm no sorry love i have just come back in i havnt even give you my name. the girl asked her name got uo went into the back came back an said yeh shes doing it for your now sit over there. my mum then sat for 20 mins. she then went back tot he desk and spoke to a diffrnt girl, my mum said what she was waiting for the girl went in the back came back out an said anne is not even here!!! my poor mum who really isnt well had been sat there for 20 mins on her own because of this girl. i am so so angry i feel like i am going to burst. this is why she doesnt move out the house. the one time i get her to go out make an appointment for her myself, then everything just goes horrible for her. i have never felt more sorry for her in my life. she now will not even consider asking anyone for help regarding this issue and has lost complete faith and confidence in the gp. her notes will clearly state what kind of tablets shes taking an that she is not a well woman but they were obviusly diregared. i am still shaking with anger! what can i do about this anyone? i wanted to complain. it is because of this she is so depressed. she had a medical a few months before christmas an the doctor failed her so all her benefits got affected and now she has to appeal in march. the money she lives on has been basically halved. this is the 2nd time this has happend. i mean my mum will not even open a letter any more she is really ill. i am 25 an work full time, my sister is married with 2 children so she has her hands full. i just dont know how i am supposed to make this better for her? sorry for the life story . but its all getting abit much. any advice or help would be greatly appreciated. x

Go and demand that the doctor refer your mother to your local adult mental health team where your mother should be able to get therapy from a psychologist for this picking ad see someone about her depression, which it seems she has.

If things get bad you could always wolk into A&E with her and they may be able to refer you to their crisis team for adult mental health.

really? thats brilliant advice, uno the first time she admitted it to the doc ( her normal doc) she asked for a psychiatrist and the doc was like, no we dont have them any more. because she got the name confused, and didnt ask for a councillor, he totally just disregard her! but thanks for that. i am going to go with her next time it was coz i was in work i shud ov known really that it would be a nightmare for her on her own. but yes we have now said she is not to go anywhere like that alone. nightmare!

It sounds to me like your mum needs a different doctor. This one simply isn't listening to her.

And I agree with MC - can you go with her to the doctor next time, to make sure that she is heard/dealt with properly?

(Please don't take this the wrong way, but please could you write your posts in paragraphs? It makes it much easier to read!)

thank you, for your comment yes i get you with the paragraph thing will do.

she has already changed doctors sugerys this is the 2nd one shes with now. she has had nothing but trouble.

yes definitely needs someone with her coz its making her worse. its hard tho because speaking to her she will say very openly that she just cant stop.

she even has to file the sores with a nail file wen they r healed so she cannot get at them again. she keeps her nails as short as possible so its harder to get a bit of skin.

do you think its worth me complaining? i suppose i am just so angry an think to myself imagine if she didnt have me or her family around her? an she was on her own that kind of treatment would possibly push someone over the edge.

Yes she needs to see the Adult Mental Health team and to achieve this you will need to go to the GP with her. My mum skin picks in the same way but won't admit it is a problem.

It may also be worth sending a letter to the practice manager about her last visit.

Do you have any support? It takes more out of you than you will admit

Good Luck

Needs to access the Community mental health team via her GP. Could you go with her to make sure they know how bad things have got?
You may have to insist on this.

Hopefully she could then be properly assessed and have regular input from Community Psychiatric Nurses too if needed.

Doing this will also help with getting her benefits back as she'll have more evidence about her problems.

thanks so much for your advice, i didnt know where to even start. but this is great.

i have support by way of family but with regards to my mums issues its mainly me who is involved. she has alot to look forward to because even through all this she has managed to meet the lovliest man ever. they have been together for around 2 yrs now, they got engaged 2 days ago. and he loves her to bits. hes also moved in but since him bein here it has helped alot because he knows what shes been doing. so i dont feel like i am carrying this on my own. she has an appeal coming up soon for her failed medical. she has had help compiling everything together so shes in a good position to get everything back.

i will be making an appoinment for her this week to get this sorted,she will not be going alone. thank you all again massive help.

eaglewings it does take it out of you, it really does, my mum was doing it in secret for a long time till we noticed the marks and things. she said it wasnt a problem and she could stop. so i said ok we will give u a month to stop it. if not then were gonna get some proper help. she cudnt do it, i had to put plasters on all the sores so she cudnt get at them, an her poor fingers! she would pick them to they were so sore an swollen she had to have plasters on them to stop her doing that. she stopped the finger thing now, but not the other picking. but it is hard, theres a proper name for it Dermatillomania.

its just hard watching someone you love do it to themselves. but once again thank you all so much. i hope things get better for you mum to eagle. x