Can anyone tell me what is wrong with him?

[StartingAfresh]

My Dad used to talk for England.

Since mid-September he has barely said a word. Just grunts one word answers.

He wears his coat all day every day and I don't think he ever showers or baths.

He sits and stares into space a lot, but sometimes he'll do something requiring lots of detail like seperate packaging from the bubble wrap very carefully and then neatly fold both before puting the bubble wrap into the bin and the packaging into the recycling.

I don't think he is paying his bills but won't give a straight answer. If I ask if he has got financial troubles he replies 'of course', but that would have been his answer 10 years ago. He has always liked to play a victim-type.

BECAUSE he has always liked to play the victim type and because he is generally an awkward bugger (also very controlling) I can't get to the bottom of what is going on.

Has anyone got any clues?

Many tia.

Sagg Unfortunately I haven't a clue who his doctor is.

Ilove I have a child with ASD. I'm not one for suggesting certain conditions don't exist or that it is down to parenting. TBH, I should imagine in an inner-east-London school there were probably a good deal of children presenting 'like' ADD that WAS down to parenting however.

I dunno. My Dad was delighted when he got his dx of severe dyslexia at age 59, perhaps it is because it explained stuff.

He might be okay with ADHD!?

But how can it suddenly be a problem now after all these years if he has it, - or could it be depression as a result of it, rather than ADD itself!?

Untreated adhd/add can often lead to depression. A lifetime of struggling with an undiagnosed disorder can cause a lot of unspoken stress which can lead to depression.

As people age their natural coping capabilities reduce - not just physical, but mental too - and things often surface and start to cause problems. His willpower that has obviously lasted throught his life may be reducing and he can no longer fight the depression off. A lot of people rely on their professions/jobs to keep them going and when they're over, they just fall to bits. Retirement in itself is stressful and can lead to depression.

Your dad sounds kind of complex and needs a proper assessment to try and get to the bottom of what's going on. Have you no other relatives or anybody who could accompany him to the gps? Is he too proud to ask for help or admit that there's a problem?

I think a lot of people associate adhd/add with badly behaved children, but that's only a small snapshot of the population who probably have it. Sadly, the population in general don't accept it even exists and only associate it with inadequate parenting, not that older people might be living with it and struggling just as much as their younger counterparts.

Anyway, sorry for waffling on about add/adhd so much, it's just that the way you write about your dad strikes a chord with me because of ds1.

Your dad needs to find a way of locating the right help.

Blimey, the more I read about adult ADHD the more it rings bells.

Not saying it IS that, just that I wouldn't place a bet on it being otherwise.

I've dx him myself with a variety of things so far, one of them being NPD for his controlling behaviour towards family members, who incidently have all grown up and told him to get lost, including, as you can see, his wife.

Not get lost in a brutal sense of never seeing him, but in the sense that none of us care what he thinks about our decisions as we run our own lives now iyswim.

How do you feel about him being like this?

Well obviously I'm worried, but actually I have my own family now and a newly diagnosed child with ASD so without wishing to sound mean I will prioritise my emotions and resources on a person who's life is beginning iyswim.

And some of my Dad's behaviours aren't too helpful wrt my ASD ds as my Dad has a short temper and impatience and my ds can be challenging if you don't handle him with patience and careful consideration.

I think though, that I'll copy and paste the info on the NHS site and email it to him and simply ask him if he thinks that is what is wrong with him (not that he has ever said there is anything wrong with him but I don't think he's going to last very long without some swift action).

Well I just emailed him with the list of symptoms so if he recognises anything he can tell his gp tomorrow.

Good luck.

Yes, good luck. Let us know how you get on.

Well GP said he appears to have moderately-severe depression and has referred him to a psychiatrist and put him on prozac.

He also says that he doubts the depression is the whole story and possibly has an underlying personality disorder. My mum enquired about ADHD and the GP wrote it down but dunno if it meant anything.

At least you've got the ball rolling.
Good luck.

Yeah, apparently he passed all of the dementia test, so the GP doesn't think it is likely to be that.

He has incontinence too that the GP has suggested is pyschological not biological too. Never knew there was such a thing.

Your poor dad, he must be feeling rotten (and poor you for all the worry!)

That's good. I really glad he's seen the gp and has some antidepressants. I hope you manage to get to the bottom of the problem and that a long term plan is put in place to help him. At least he's getting the help he needs now.

I hope this helps you a bit.