How long should you put up with headaches?

[Serendippy]

(Also posting this in mental health)

My DH has had a headache at least 5 days out of 7 for the past few years. He suffers with depression and anxiety and has seen the doctor on a few occasions to be told it is a stress headache and when he gets less stressed they will go. How long should he be putting up with them for? Should I go with him and really fight his corner? He excercises a few times a week but one of the things that stresses him out is not having enough time so when he does go he comes home stressed and angry, even if there is actually nothing that needs doing (in my eyes) so the exercise is not helping him to relax and therefore ease the headaches.

I know I do not see things the same way as him, and am willing to support him as best I can, but I don't know how to. He gets through so much paracetamol but as he has been told they are stress headaches he thinks there is nothing more he can do. I am actually really worried. Does depression cause this over a long term and are there other ways to deal with it? Or does he need to push for tests?

I would press for more tests to ensure that there is nothing wrong and also for CBT / counselling for amxiety / depression.

In the meantime, I would suggest he see a Homeopath which could help with the headaches, the stress and depression. Adrenaline exercise could make things worse, would be consider Pilates / Yoga along side his current regime?

Thank you so much for answering. The exercise he does is swimming and long walks which were advised, he is reluctant to do anything else because of time constraints. A homeopath is a great idea, I will look one up now. He is really reluctant to try talking therapies, hates talking as it is and doesn't have faith in it. I have suggested it but the doctor has always offered him more ADs so he thinks that this should be enough.

Thanks.

I would think that you need a several pronged appraoch. You def need to get back on to the docs, but in the meantime ensuring that your dh is doing all he can to minimse. I hope this doesn't sound patronising, but depression can lead to degredation in caring for oneself, so is he eating and drinking well (not alcohol, or too much caffeine). Not too many painkillers (you can get a sort of tablet headache), and as the poster above suggested, gentle exercise and relaxation. Avoiding low blood sugar, so a regulated low GI diet (lots of porridge etc rather than sugar highs) can also help.

May I aslo suggest, that the headaches could be part of your dh's coping mechansism, so they might be difficult for him to let go (if nothing else, they may mean that people leave him alone etc which is what helps him) I used to suffer from lots of headaches, but I think part of my problem, was that I became a 'headachey person' so I would get them all the time. I don't anymore. But I still think that seeing the doctor again is also a must.

Thanks Mbear, DH has no caffine and a great diet, takes really good care of himself as he is aware that everything positive he does could help with his problems. The fact that he tries so hard and is still stressed and headachey makes him more angry because he feels like he is trying really hard to fix things.

He does drink more than he should at weekends but none during the week, but then feels hungover sat and sun which then contributes to the feeling of having no quality time.

Thanks for your advice, will look up about diet and see if there is anything more I could be doing to help. Will also go back to the doctor. Don't want to baby him but he is a typical man when it comes to going to the doctor, will get in there and say 'Nothing really wrong, don't even know why I am here' etc, I think he downplays it.

Gah on the downplaying!

The other thing I am assuming you have looked at is is it always the same 5/7 days that he has these headaches? Or is it random? Do they correlate to particulary bad days at work (big meetings, overt responsibiltiy etc) if the stress is entrenched into his day, could he look to other roles? and does he start the day with the headache or is it continous for the 5 days?

Sorry, lots of questions! But hopefully if you can start to pick apart the headahces (barring any medical issues), then that might help his depression? And I realise that it is not as simplistic as that, but if it turns out they are stress headaches, then reducing the stress can only help.

No, I put 5 out of 7 because I suspect it is actually every day but he even downplays it to me, says not every day, most days. As far as I can tell he starts every day with a headache and goes to bed every night with a headache, no wonder he is stressed and depressed! He doesn't sleep well which is tied in with everything else but work does not seem to be the only factor. One of his things is that he wants everything to be perfect all the time and if it is not, he gets stressed which leads to headaches and insomnia, however we have talked about what I am prepared to do to support him in this as I will not keep the house as a showhome and children as stepford kids, I don't think this helps in the long run as as soon as I am managing to keep him happy the bar rises. So I really want to find a way to support him to help himself rather than relying on me the be the solution but then me being the one who will get the blame, if that makes sense. Sorry for the rambling.

get his eyes tested as well.
goodluck

He has his eyes tested regularly and does wear glasses. I really appreciate all the suggestions though, anything might help. Thanks.

you could be talking about my boyfriend.

he always has a headache good excuse for not going out as he doesnt drink. he is always in denial when i tell him he always has a headache and will never go to the docs.

i think he is depressed and stressed but denies it all. he sleeps too much aswell. he can sleep for 12 hours and he is still bloody boringtired

ive given up

Oh god, yeah, he def has to do this for himself. There is no way you can (or even should) do this for him.

The lack of sleep will, obviously, not be helping everything that is going on. Have you suggested he ask the doctor for something to help him sleep? Not long term, just a short prescription as a cycle breaker?

I know we are discussing him, but this also sounds very stressful on you. Does he know that some things need to change, and that these changes might help him!

Is it possible that the ads might be giving him the headaches, so again def worth chatting to the doctor about. He may not like talking, but surely he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life like this?

alypaly that is really sad, I don't want to give up but it is frustrating isn't it?

He has had sleeping tablets, was on them before the ADs, tried 2 different types I think but they didn't agree with him.

He doesn't want to be like this but he feels like he is doing all the right things, good diet, exercise, early nights etc and is frustrated that none of these things seem to make a difference. I think deep down he is still of the opinion that he should be able to 'pull himself together' and is angry because he can't. He sees it as a sign of weakness and is desperate to try things he can do alone. I don't know what it will take to make him realise that he might not be able to do it alone, even with me.

I'm sorry you are so sad about all this

Does your dh realise how much this all affects you?

I am sad that I can't make him happy. I'm sure we used to make each other happy, but the memory is fading and I have told him that we need to get that back. He knows this is affecting me but I don't want to add more stress so spend a lot of time treading on eggshells trying to keep him stress free. Thanks for chatting, nearly time for my bed but will have a talk with him tomorrow and see if we can organise an appt with the GP as a first step to getting sorted.

It is a fine line between protecting him from knowing how you feel, but showing him just how bad it is for you to see him like this.

If he can remember that he didint always feel like this then that is worth hanging onto, in the midst of depression it is very easy to either forget that you weren't actually always depressed, or that you can be bothered and you are important enough to make changes to help yourself feel better. A talking therapy might be what he needs, even if he is sceptical?

Best wishes and good night.

I used to get headaches that lasted and lasted. Turned out I was getting paracetamol headaches even though I taking hardly any (in order to avoid that exact problem)

Rebound headaches from paracetamol are very common. It would be worth making a real effort to do without the paracetamol for as long as possible to see if it makes a difference.

I am not a fan of homeopathy, but would really recommend therapeutic massage. Clinical research has shown that it can really help with stress, tension, and I have treated my own DH for really debilitating headaches with regular back, neck, shoulder and face massage.

Also, drinking lots of water can help.

I'm obviously comming across all alternative medicine here but sometimes if conventional medicine does not seem to be able to help, it might be worth considering other options. A Cranial Osteopath might be able to help and it could be worth seeing if there are any food triggers / hormonal imbalances by seeing a nutritionist.

I suffer badly from headaches and tension in the neck - i have found over the years have helped

• no caffeine - you will be suprised at some stuff that contains caffeine
• try to get same amount of sleep every night - no sleeping late in weekend
• regular massages/osteopaths
• 2 weeks of no paracetamol/painkillers - detox and then try not to revert back to them
• drink lots of water *pregnancy helped

I have lots of sympathy - they are tiring and depressing to deal with

He needs to learn to find an outlet for the stress - running helps me (when Im not injured)

serendippy you cant make him happy,he has to help to make himself happy first,then you can be happy together. i personally dont believe you should feel guilty or sad for not being able to do this. happiness comes from within.

do you find he doesnt smile or laugh alot....my 2 DS's have made a comment that my boyfriend doesnt smile or laugh alot and i think that is really bad that they noticed it that much that they commented.

yes it is frustrating..very.
tonight on the phone,he said 'do you want a curry' so i thought ooooh we are going out. guess what,he wanted a takeaway and to stay in and watch boring TV