since we moved I feel so sad and lonely

[inthedumps]

We just moved to get out of London. In lots of ways I'm so glad we did it, quality of life etc. But now the high of the move is over, I just feel so sad and lonely all the time. I am really missing my friends and moral support. Since we moved DS hasn't been sleeping. I am just so tired. Plus I am now working 3 days per week which makes things even harder. My DH is supportive, but he feels enthusiastic about everything and I just dread my days at home with DS because I don't have the energy to do anything with him, which makes him cross and harder to look after.

I know I need to sort out his sleeping but I just don't have the energy or inclination to deal with it. I feel like I'm going mad, its like I've got post-natal depression 15 months on. I'm not normally like this and I feel ashamed which is why I have changed from my usual nickname. I wish I could just cheer up. I have made myself an appointment to see the GP this afternoon but I don't even know where to start...

Hi,

I moved out of London too this year and still don't feel 'sorted' even though I have made quite a few friends and have found baby groups etc. I think it takes a long time to settle in so please don't be so hard on yourself.

Well done for making a doctors appointment- tell them how you feel and see if they can take some blood tests to rule out iron/thyroid problems if you have been feeling tired. I don't know much about PND but someone else may be able to help. I know there are times where I feel having a toddler (20 month old) is far worse than having a baby, at least with a baby you can rest. Have you got any holiday due, is it worth taking some time for you (and leaving ds in childcare)?

When you feel ready, get some ideas to tackle the sleep issues and have a go. Get Dh to help you if he is supportive.

HTH

I moved North/ South and hated the idea I only did it for my DH, I refused to put my home number under HOME in my phone, it wasn't my home, it was just a house.

Gradually bit by bit it got better, a picture on the wall here a new rug there, I can't explain it but it will get better, I promise.

Now I would have to be dragged screaming and kicking back up to Yorkshire, that is same Yorkshire that when I left it I cried all the way down the A1, only stopped when we got to my BF house and that was only because she kept making me drink lots of red wine.

I rang my DM in Dublin and cried every day for months. Then it was every other day and gradually it passed.

It will improve.

HTH

lots of hugs inthedumps. we left london 7 years ago when our twin ds's were 20 months, and for the first year I felt so tearful, lonely and displaced, thought I was cracking up. I reminsced about London constantly - even horrible parts like the holloway road!

We had a temporary place for a year, then moved to the village where we are now and gradually things became much better - partly by doing nothing (just gradually getting used to the different pace of life and new surroundings) and also by joining every thing going - a local writing group, toddler group, getting to know people in local shops, through the school, making regular trips to nearest cities - it came together very slowly.

Please don't be hard on yourself, it's an enormous wrench, why should you be able to click happily into an entirely new way of life? Hope you got on okay at the doctor's & that you find some like minded people soon, maybe through your ds? good luck xxx

I moved from NW London to N London (7 milee) 18 months ago and still haven't settled-I didn't even LIKE Harrow - it is a real trauma to have such a big change no matter where you go. I just changed to part time too and I hate that as well. It's the change as much as anything I reckon.

The GP might be helpful, and could you get in touch with family or friends more? Maybe make a list and ring or email one a day? It takes some effort though. That's my own latest plan. (but they are always out, having fun I suspect!!!)

We moved to oxford from london, just before ds was born last year. I even did my NCT classes in london, so they regularly meet up without me. I go to a mother and baby group but only one has invited me to tea once. People seem to take a very long time to be welcoming i find. It is pretty isolating i must say. DH still works in London so I see even less of him! Glad to be out of London but it is quite hard.

I moved away from my home town 2 years ago as dh had a transfer with work and I felt exactly the same for at least 6 months. It didn't help that I was 4 months pregnant and I was too tired/lazy to get out of the house. Eventually I joined playgroups and mums groups, my dd started school and swimming lessons/gymnastics. My ds1 started childcare and soccer and slowly we met new people and I have now got a great circle of friends and usually don't have a weekend to spare!!!! Children are the best way to meet new people. Perhaps you could enrol ds into some kind of swimming or gym tots to get you out of the house and tire him out. My ds1 is very active to the point of driving me crazy and I get him outside and walking or swimming first thing to get the energy out of him so that I can cope.

I lived in London for 17 years then moved out three and a half years ago and am only now begining to feel like Brighton is home. I think it takes a long time. London is so unlike anywhere else and for me it took a couple of years to wind down.

The fact you've made an appointment with the GP means you have already started. Don't plan what you;re going to say, just start talking and see what happens. Asking for help is such an important step.

Good luck.

I moved 80 miles from "home" a year ago, from city to country. I absolutely love my house, job, village, dd school etc but I must admit I'm lonely too. Ds is 18 months and I am thinking I should probaby join the local playgroup. Friends have told me they can be really cliquey so its put me off, to be honest.

Only joint Mumsnet today, so its nice to know I'm not alone. I can see I'll be using this quite a lot!

inthedumps: when I moved to Croydon, it took me over 6 years before it felt like "home", then two years ago, we had to move away due to dh's job. It was a huge uprooting, and really only in the last few months have I started to feel settled and "permanent" here (although occasionally I still have twitches of "wail ... I want to move back to London!").

I'm not saying this to depress you, honest, but just to say that some people do take a long time to make new roots - both you and ds. Yes, do go see your GP, but also give yourself permission to take time to get to know the new place, and to "mourn" the old place a little.

Thanks for all your replies everyone. Has made me feel reassured that what i'm feeling is fairly 'normal'!

I went to the doctors and had a sort of meltdown, I just couldn't stop crying. Felt so stupid because he just looked aghast at this crazy crying woman in his room, like he didn't know what to do. He actually said, 'What exactly have you come here for, what exactly do you want me to do for you?' I said, 'I don't know! Anything!' He has just encouraged me to carry on with the sleeping programme we were planning to do. SO wish me luck. It will be the make or break of my sanity!

Otherwise feeling a bit brighter as I had a weekend in london (on my own with friends) which gave me a bit of a boost.

Ruty: whereabouts in Oxford are you because I'm in Oxford too! Perhaps we could meet up and be founding members of the lonely mum club!