My friend has just been dx-ed with cancer - how can I help?

[Clary]

Does anyone have any practical experience of things I can actually do?

Have just heard from a friend that she has been diagnosed with cancer - not sure yet what treatment etc will be (was a very brief chat) but I wanted to help of course.

I said, as you would, if I can help etc. Also said I was happy to have her DC if needed (eg hospital apt etc) tho in fact as she doesn't work and I do it was kind of an empty gesture. But I am off in school hols so that may be a way to give her a break.

If there anything else I can/should do? What would have/has helped you if you were unlucky enough to be in this situation?

TBH am so shocked by it. She is very fit and (apparently) healthy, slim and very sporty and a lot younger than me.

I think the main thing is to be there for her and to let her know that she can talk about it if she wants to. It happened to one of my friends and she said the most important thing for her was that people were willing to listen and weren't afraid to discuss it with her.

It is scary but you sound like a lovely friend and she is lucky to have you.

Hi, I've had treatment for breast cancer over the past year and have appreciated the wonderful support of friends. I suggest you phone her once a week (or more if you're close) and ask how things are, and be prepared to take things at her pace ie you might want to ask a lot of q's but you need to just go with what she can tell you.

Practical support is very valuable at certain times eg if she has an operation. You could visit in hospital and after she comes out offer support eg does she need a lift home? One or two of my friends just made me food and brought round enough to feed the family for a meal - fantastic!

Offering togo for a walk is nice if she likes walking and is up to it.

If she has chemo or radiotherapy she will appreicate offers of lifts.

And yes, just keeping in touch helps a lot.

It does all depend on how serious it is for her, and what treatment she needs. The uncertainty of waiting for results, before you get onto a clear treatment plan is a particularly difficult time to handle.

You could also think about what she enjoys - eg if she gardens you could take her some bulbs to plant when spring comes. The treatment tends to be a long haul so could extend over a year - or more. So don't worry - you'll be a great source of support.

PS forgot to say that I don't have little children now, but I'm sure your offer of looking after them somtimes will be hugely appreciated - esp. if she has to have chemo which does knock you rather flat.

i had dx of cancer recently, hopefully cured by an operation (maybe need another, not sure)... the i appreciated people just checking in with me to let me talk. alot of people really back off when it comes to serious illness. i have no family support so just having people around who are interested and listen is invaluable. once she gets her head around it, try to keep her positive, maybe take her to the cinema every so often for a nice distraction.

Some brilliant ideas all, thanks v much. Wouldn't have thought particularly of chatting etc but it makes sense. YY will take her to pictures etc.

Will call on her tomorrow and see how she actually is - seems well enough and (I think) continuing with life (activities etc) but that may change I guess.

Praying she will get well.