Need advice about dads treatment - go private? At wits end...

[worriedaboutdad]

Have namechanged for this as its all a bit complicated and am very recognisable from the details.

My 75 year old dad is having hormone treatment for prostate cancer - waiting for radiotherapy to start, possibly with me in London (he lives in Wales on his own)- he was due to come and stay with me for the winter as last winter he didnt look after himself and ended up very ill with pneumonia - this would be a precursor to seeing if he could live down here.

Anyway he was supposed to have a colonoscopy today for polyp removal and investigation of the rest of the bowel that they said was really quite urgent. It has been cancelled for lack of beds and they cant say when it would be rearranged - maybe not until March when he is back in Wales (!)

So basically should I go private for the colonoscopy in London (and take out a loan) - or is there any chance that he would be referred for it down here or would that still take 18 weeks.

He's beside himself as he went through all the pretreatment today and the enema and hasnt eaten since friday and its all so useless.

We cant have him stay in his house any longer on his own waiting for the op up there as hes already housebound with the ice and cold (he also has mobility issues).

sorry for the long post - theres just noone who can advise in rl.

Have spoken to a friend at school and she very sensibly thinks I should talk to my gp for help - does anyoen else have any ideas about it?

Sorry for your Dad - the postponement must be so stressful. And sorry for you too. I think I agree with your friend - GP (maybe your dad's as well as your own) might be best starting point. I posted on here a few weeks ago as my dad (89) has prostate cancer and someone recommended the Prostate Cancer charity www.prostate-cancer.org.uk/ Expect you know them already but just wondered if their specialist nurses may have experience of similar dilemmas to the one you and your dad find yourselves in. Good luck.

Thanks whenwillisleepagain - I will have a look - its more that I cant get an overview of the care as a whole - and now that the radiotherapy has slipped dad has gone off the idea - so basically he has given himself 3-5 years just because he doesnt want to make a fuss and push for treatment.

How is your dad?

My dad had radiotherapy implant for prostate cancer a couple of years ago, aged 80 (he's done really well, no problems now though it was a bit rough for a few months after implant - his psa still very low two years later though). I'm really sorry your Dad has the added stress of needing a bowel investigation, and agree - talk to your GP, maybe your Dad's as well (if they are helpful/willing).

I don't know, but would think that if your parent is staying with you in London and go to GP with urgent bowel symptoms, they would be referred for investigation here? Will be interested to see what your GP says, maybe it depends on the GP, the area, etc...

Housebound this winter in isolated place sounds bad, I agree with you about that, too. Wishing you and your Dad the best of luck, and do tell him about my far older father and radiotherapy if it helps - my uncle also has prostate cancer, diagnosed later, and is doing very well on hormone therapy...but he's less than a year into it, so who knows how long for.

Thanks so much both - its actually really good to hear about the radiotherapy working as the consultant is really on the fence about it - he is currently on hormone therapy but that only holds it for 3 years as you know. radiotherapy is the only chance of getting rid of it completely and that would be every working day for 4 weeks - the consultant wanted him to stay up there for it on his own but as hes not very good at looking after himself I thought this was a ridiculous idea.

Its so hard when parents are a long way away and dont want to move becauseof the stress of upheaval and yet want your help all the time.

He keeps saying that I/we should move - with the dcs and no jobs there etc etc.

Not knowing anything about your dads stage of prostate cancer, it might be worth considering brachytherapy as the treatment is over much faster, so he might cope better. There are several London centres who are v good ime

If you look on the Dr Foster site, you can check waiting times for colonoscopy at hospitals near you. You might find one with a much shorter list, esp in his situation

Thats really helpful CMOT - thanks. They dont have the precise operation but it gives you an indication. Not much waiting time where I am at all compared to where he is - just a matter of whether my gp would refer him.

My dh tends to think that he realistically wont be going home anyway.

I'm an NHS manager and can sadly recognise that these things can get cancelled. The weather is having a serious impact on hospital capacity, as emergency demand is way over what is normal for this time of year.

However I woudl be very surprised if it were delayed to March, especially iif it is the clincially appropriate treatment. I would speak to PALS at the hospital. They really need to ive you better information than this. If PALS are no good, make a formal complaint - this will not adversely affect your Dad's care. I would not recommend your Dad going back to Wales, as he could be very vulnerable.

Thanks queenofwhatever - thats very helpful. I am seeing my gp on friday and am hoping that she will be able to help.

I know things get cancelled - I wish I had had the forsight to ask them to go ahead with the operation as they had the capacity and then I could have paid for a private room somwhere maybe as that was the bit that was lacking.

God its all such a repsonsibility - and unlike with children you cant just make an elderly person do something. All very difficult.