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Can you talk to me about day to day living with dyspraxia?

8 replies

oncemoreintothebreach · 08/11/2010 09:46

A friend has recently been diagnosed with dyspraxia and I've read a bit about it on the internet and just wondered if some people could give me a 'real life' insight into what it entails? She doesn't really talk about it (I think feels embarrassed to be labelled with what was 'clumsy child syndrome'.)

I know she has a blue badge for her car for it and gets disabled students allowance so must be a lot more severe than she lets on. The only thing she talks about is having a bad memory!

I just wanted to find out if there was anything I could do that wasn't patronising but would make her life easier?

TIA

OP posts:
oncemoreintothebreach · 08/11/2010 16:44

Bump :)

OP posts:
purplepeony · 08/11/2010 18:06

You would find out more by going online to the Dyspraxia Foundation support group.

haven't got the address but easily findable googling.

LetThereBeRock · 08/11/2010 20:14

I'm dyspraxic. Do you have any particular questions,or do you just want a general overview about the issues it can cause?

forevervacuuming · 08/11/2010 20:52

I also have dyspraxia and am open to questions :)

oncemoreintothebreach · 09/11/2010 09:11

Thanks Purplepeony, I have had a look on there but it was quite vague.

LetTheBeRock and forvervacuuming, I live close by her, do you think it might be useful if I offer to do lunch boxes for the DC? We are close enough that that wouldn't be seen as interfering but I don't want to seem like I'm saying she can't cope. Now she's had a diagnoses so many things have fallen into place like memory problems, frustration at little things and not being able to dress the DC (they're not badly dressed, it's more she can't do buttons/zips easily).

Is there anything I can suggest to her to make things easier? She has a huge diary and writes everything down, buys clothes that aren't too fiddly etc but is there anything to make her less anxious about going out?

Because despite reading websites I'm still confused about it and what symptoms she suffers with most I can't be more specific, so just any info you can give about real life situations and problems would be gratefully received.

Thank you.

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forevervacuuming · 10/11/2010 01:02

I think it's things like doing the lunchboxes I'd like to keep doing myself, really. I'm fortunate to have a friend who even offered o do the school run for me but it ended up making me feel even more incapable and disconnected from my DS, as kindly meant as the offer was.

Memory problems are I think the biggest problems for me. It's great to have the opportunity to do things, but only if I remember to do them! Rest periods are vital to this but sometime I have to keep going if I'm on a roll. With things like that and frustration, even a little kindness will go a very long way.

As for going out, the logistics of it all sometimes make me so nervous beforehand that I feel ill and it just doesn't happen. Personally, I always get a hard time for being late, even when I explain to people that I simply do not even have the sense of time that even the most disorganised of people do, so understanding about that will always be appreciated.

Niecie · 10/11/2010 01:54

My son has dyspraxia and I can vouch for the poor memory. However, it isn't all types of memory - he remembers facts and figures very well. It is more working or procedural memory. He can't remember how to do certain things unless he has done them many times before. He also can't hold onto long strings of instructions. If I tell him to get his coat and shoes, pack his school bag and brush his teeth, he would probably get his coat and one shoe and then lose the thread. It can be immensely frustrating for both of us so I have to bite my tongue on occasion and remember he isn't being deliberately difficult. The upshot is that he is very badly organised. He couldn't cope without other people reminding him to do things. Like forevervacuuming he has no sense of time. Every morning I send him off to school, tell him to hurry or he will be late and he hurries for about 2 paces and then slows down again. I would agree that cutting some slack on time keeping is useful.

The other thing is that he finds large groups and new places confusing. From a sensory point of view it all gets a bit overwhelming. He doesn't have much of a sense of direction and if his way is blocked by, say, a group of people, he will plough on through the middle and then he appears rude. Being blocked by something more substantial makes him panic even if there is a way of getting round it if he would just look.

He can't see things that are in front of him and can never find anything, nor does he have the strategies for dealing with this. He can't retrace his steps or remember where he last saw the item.

Actually I got a really good book last Christmas - Caged in Chaos. It is aimed at teenagers so the bits about school will not be relevant but it is a very good description about what it is like to dyspraxic, and it is very readable. I noticed whilst getting the link that the author has also written a book for adults here. It seems to get mixed reviews but it might be worth a look.

I don't know if the others on this thread who have the condition would agree, but I have assumed that by the time my DS has got to adulthood, he will have developed coping strategies for most aspects of life. I hope so anyway. I would assume that your friend has them too - she seems to from what you have said.

I think the only thing you can do without making your friend feel inadequate is to be understanding which is exactly what you are being. Cut her some slack if she needs it and let her know you are there to help if she needs it. She is lucky to have a friend who cares so much. Smile

oncemoreintothebreach · 10/11/2010 09:46

Oh wow, reading those posts was like a literal penny dropping!!

Thank you so much, you've cleared the clouds for me and I feel like I understand much more now. Now you've told me about the going out and crowded places I can almost see it from her point of view (loosely) and have realised I have been trying to push her a bit to go to groups and activities as I thought it would help/be good for her.

That I think was the main problem, I just didn't know what would help and what wouldn't.

It's much clearer now. Thanks again, you've both helped a lot :)

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