Is my MIL an alcoholic?

[Northerner]

Don't really know where to start here other than I am really concerned about MIL's behaviour. She has always been a 'drinker' but recently things are getting worse. She did a BBq at her house on Fri, we left at 10pm - she stayed up drinking with her neighbours till 3am. We popped round to see her on Sat morning at 11am and she was sitting on her balcony drinking wine. She continued drinking for the rest of the day. last night as dh and I were bathing ds she turned up at our house at about 7pm banging on out door like a mad woman. She was pied out of her head, and she'd driven to our house. She'd had a row with her partner after he'd commented on how much she is drinking at the moment. She told him and the neighbours to pi off, jumped in her car and screeched out of the drive. She tells us she doesn't drink alot. She's very highly strung and easily stressed and says wine helps her relax.

She had a severe heart attack last October and I'm really worried she's going to have another. She smokes alot too.

What I want to know is what do dh and I do? Do we ask her if she is an alcoholic or what? I suggessted that dh speaks to her partner but they do not really get on so this probably would not work.

She is very stubborn and independant and I know she will think that we are interfering.

She called me this morning to apologise for her behavior last night and sounded v embarassed.

Any advice greatly appreciated. Thanks.

Do you know, I think whenever you ask the question "is so and so an alcoholic?" about someone, the answer is almost always yes. We accept such a high alcohol intake as normal in this country that when you really start getting concerned about someone's drinking there is almost always a problem. And it certainly sounds as if there is one with your MIL.
The tricky bit is working out what to do about it. She clearly is in denial about how much she is drinking and the effect it is having on her relationships, her behaviour etc. You say that dh doesn't get on with her partner = could you talk to him instead? He will probably be relieved to have someone to talk to about it, who has noticed the same things as him and who also is concerned. Then maybe your best bet is to phone up one of the alcohol abuse charity helplines and get their advice on what to do next.
Best of luck - very stressful for you all.

Sobernow - she doesn't have a job - she never returned to work after her heart attack, her finances are totally up the swannee. She lives in a flat rent free which is owned by dh's brother as she couldn't keep up with her mortgage payments on her own bungalow.And her relationship with her 2 sons is sometimes strained as she says hurtful things sometimes without thinking. She only moved to the same town as us a year ago, before this she lived 80 miles away and we didn't see her so often so the problem wasn't so ovbious. But when I piece together everything that's happenned over the past year I now realise she has a problem.

Thanks for your advice. I will contact AA. Not having anyone 'real' with any experience of this, I may even take you up on your offer and contact you direct. Thanks again.