Smear Test - oh the embarrassment (maybe TMI)

[bigbadmum]

Just been for my routine smear test and have now scuttled home redfaced. I have never had any problems with them before, aside from the obvious embarrassment of someone poking around your foo-foo, but it has always been a case of in, out, bob's your uncle .

Today's was sooooo painful though, not the actual insertion bit but when she started to open up the cervix. Was totally relaxed so wasn't tense or anything so I don't know why it was different this time but hey ho. She took it out before taking the swab as I told her it was painful but told me off then when I said to try again as I was prepared that it was going to hurt now as I had told her to take it out in the first place (well, she asked so I said yes). Anyway, she did it again getting me to change position, still hurt like hell but it's done now. After much apologising and feeling like a right cry baby I fleed the surgery and hoping the next three years goes very slowly!!

sounds like she needs to be better trained in bedside empathy and you need a hug.

i got my letter in last week to go im dreading it ive still not phoned to make the appointment so bad i no :(

Oh poor you.

Will it make you feel better if I told you about the woman who had used glittery body cream before going for her smear? She rubbed some of it around her ladygarden and completely forgot until she laid back and saw her gynae's surprise.

I think he said something like "Thank you for making such an effort!"

(or maybe that last bit's apocryphal?!)

They always feel uncomfortable to me! The first time I cried, so don't worry!

Poor you. :(

Speedy -

Do you also remember the thread on here about the woman who went for her smear and the nurse/doctor/gynae said something similar and she had no idea what they were on about, until she got home and realised the wash cloth she had used was covered in glitter and after an 'inspection' realised that it looked like she'd been 'tarting it up' for the smear

BigBadMum I hate it :( It always hurts me and when they say 'relax - don't tense up' it makes me want to hurt them! FFS surely they could warm those bastard metal things up at least!! She was really rude to you, totally uncalled for and unprofessional - nasty cow!

Poor you. I loathe them and I've found out why they are so painful for me. At my last one the gynae found lots of scarring on my cervix from when I had a suture to keep DD in. I had thought the suture was about the width of normal embroidery cotton. The gynaecologist looked at me like this and said do you really think that would work Mrs K? He then showed me the width of it, it's like baler twine and I have keloid skin = big fat scars.
Just look on the bright side, you've got another three years.
Bye the way, warming the speculum isn't effective, it's the jelly that's cold. I know, my sainted GP in England used to do this for me. How I loved Dr Gupta.

They have different sized specular and like to use the massive ones so they can see your cervix clearly. I sometimes ask for the smaller one.
When I went fr my first smear I thought, oh this is easy, no fuss, as the years go on and having a child etc thay crank uo the size and it gets more uncomfortable, untill you have like a couple of serving spoons up there to crank you appart!

Aw thank you everyone, don't feel like such a muppet now. She used a smaller speculum the second time I think, not that it made much difference but oh my gosh was I in pain last night with stomach cramp and back pain. Then again, I've not had sex for nearly three years so maybe that was a contributing factor, am surprised she didn't find cobwebs up there .

Chipping and Speedy - that is funny, maybe a little bit of glitter will put her in a better mood next time ha ha.

that happened to me last time -don't worry -have a nice treat !

Definitely depends on who you get. I've had nurses who've been like bloody butchers, and others who've been so good I've not even felt it. I actually prefer male docs doing internals now as they always seem more gentle and don't hurt me, whereas women can be rough!

Last one i went for i hardly noticed anything, was all tense, holding my breath, etc. waiting....and she said 'all done'.
i was so amazed i commented and she said she's the 'smear nurse' now as she does them so well

sure she used some new kind of speculum that wasn't as cold too.

I thought they used plastic speculums now?
Last time I went I hardly felt a thing. Felt like saying 'is it in yet?'

If they use plastic speculums over there I'm updating my passport and coming to live. Those bloody metal ones are horrible.

Please do not whine over smear any more!
I have just had a hysteroscopy yesterday which meant that I was on bed, legs in air for 25 minutes. Dr had to use dilating rods- think knitting needles- to open up tight cervix, before he could insert telescope.

it was not nice and afterwards my body went into shcok and I had to have oxygen and could no tleave hospital for 2 hours.

If I hear anyone complain about a smear again, on MN, i will scream!!!!!

Oh purplepeony. Are you ok today?

Must admit i passed out when they had to do some work on my cervix. Smears are uncomfortable but there are far worse.

Will it make you feel better if I tell you about a friend who farted loudly in the middle of her smear - not me honest guv

Metal speculums? WTF? It's all disposable plastic speculum and little brushes now. And if it's not you need to speak to your surgery and pct.

Metal speculums & scratchy lollipop smears were barbaric and unreliable.

My last smear was a new style one and soooo much better. No pain and much quicker.

I must be due a smear next year I think.... you lot are making me tense up down below - probably the first pelvic floors I have done properly since DS was born

Oh poor you.

Did you hear about the my friend's friend? She went for a smear test & while waiting realised she was desperate for a wee. Quick dash to the loo and then she found there was no loo paper. So she rooted around in her bag for some tissue, found a scrap in the bottom, wiped herself and then went back to the waiting room.

When having the smear a few minutes later, the nurse started laughing. Friend's friend was mortified. Nurse was laughing so much she had to leave the room to calm herself. Nurse came back a few minutes later and apolgised profusely for her unprofessionalism saying, "I am so very sorry, but that is the first time I have ever seen a first class stamp stuck there!"

When I first heard this, it was a green shield stamp, so shows how old I am long it's been around!

Teasing thanks, yes- bit battered and tired but taking it easy!

The nurse sounds awful.

I have smears every 6 months, post radical hysterectomy for cervical cancer, and have had ocasions when it has been really painful. Some DR's and Nurses are better thn others.

Because I have a vault smear (they removed my vervix cervix) I sometimes get a really painful scraping feeling aswell when the swab is taken, if they aren't gentle enough...makes me shudder thinking of it.

Don't let an insensitive nurse put you off though, if it wasn't for smear tests I may not be here today.

purple peony, am sorry if thread upset you - it was really meant as a lighthearted moan and me feeling a bit of a prat rather than a "woe is me" rant, hence the smileys . Obviously people have to go through much much worse than this and I would never compare the two. Hope you are feeling better soon!!

Sorry to hear that purple peony, hope you are feeling better soon.

Thanks ladies.

OP_ I wasn't aiming my comments at you personally, I just get a bit hacked off with these posts overall as there seem to be so many people who make such a big deal over it.
I don't like them either- who does- but after yesterday's experience, I'd rather have one any day!

I always ask if I can insert it myself. Only once I have had a "well you have to get it at the right angle" annoyed response. I just said I have always been ok with it before. Most nurses say yes straight away. Once I put it in they crank it open.I feel better doing it myself.