Think MIL has cancer. Shes getting her results now. What to say to DH?

[MrsJamesMcAvoy]

Any advice greatly recieved.

theres not a lot you can say tbh (this we me last year BTW)

we cuddled on the sofa with a few bottles of the wine and talked, tried to formulate a bit of a care plan (it didn't work out but felt like we were doing something)

Hope its good news

Thanks. Anticipating the worst - she has smoked loads for years, drunk loads for years and sunbeds every night. I am hoping that this might make it a bit less of a shock???

sorry ithats a bit abrupts dh has just turned up and i don't really want to go indepth with him here IYKWIM will try to get back on later

Are you anticipating DH telling you MIL has cancer or are you thinking you're going to have to tell DH ?

I think Im going have to tell Dh. He does not know his mum has been for loads of tests - she asked me not to tell him - and I agree - we didnt want him to worry if there was no need.

What sort of cancer? Does DH know she's being tested?

Sorry, x posts. That's a really hard situation - yes, you will have to tell him. Of course.

Oesophageal (is that how you spell it) I am anticipating, but they did MRI to her pelvis.

DH knows that she has not been eating and some time ago she mentioned to him about a lump in her throat all the time - dont kow if he will have remembered this though.

Awful situation to be in. I personally wouldn't have agreed to not tell my DH in the first place but that doesn't help you and that doesn't mean you were wrong to do so.

You just need to sit him down and tell him openly and honestly with as much factual information as possible.

Is MIL on her own getting her results ?

No, father in law is with her. They have very few coping skills as iindividuals and as a family so worried about that as well. Appointment was at 11 and had no news. Not optimistic at all.

You have to take the lead from dh, how bad it is and whether anything can be done will make all the difference.

Your suport is going to be so important.

I had a very similar thread which was v helpful will try and find it..

bugger must have been in chat

This is very harsh please don't be offended by what I write:

re dh - it really depends on your MIL .. You need to be sensitive to her needs as well as your dh's .., cancer can rob you of everything , you turn from a person to a chart.Mine never accepted it and was evasive about treatment (in the end she had a breakdown and I head to step in)

basically you need to try to be as pro active as you can if she does have it.

I spent weeks harrassing consultants /chasing appointments/scan results

(mil was recently widowed and dh was working abroad for most of it)

Sorry if this is a very bleak picture my MIL was spectacularly unlucky.its choking me up just writing this so its a bit disjointed.

And hopefully the silence it them celebrating down the pub

x

Have you heard anything yet MrsJames ?

I really don't think there is anything that can prepare you or help with what to say, what not to say - just need to take it as it comes.

My FIL had lung cancer, unfortunately he passed away 9 years ago now :( DH comes from a family of not very good copers (is there such word ?) but you do cope - everyone just needs to pull together and don't feel like you have to stay stronge, you don't and it doesn't always help in the long run