Any support / buddies or advice to stop drinking wine

[justwhen]

Hi
I know I drink too much wine. I do it to escape various stresses in my life - mainly my seriously ill father and my the general stresses of being a mum to 3 demanding girls. Every morning I wake up & say that I won't drink that day but by 6pm I'm so bogged down by it all that I end up opening the wine and before I know it a whole bottle & maybe more has gone. I know it is no good for me as I have disturbed sleep, am putting on weight and feeling crap in the mornings. That's even before I start to condider any long term health issues.
What can I do to make today different?

Hi there,

I post on the Brave Babes threads (and I have been since near the beginning, so I am well ensconsed as part of their clique ). I am not drinking at all the moment. I have no idea whether that is what I will do for ever, but at the moment I am pretty sure that if I opened a bottle of wine I'd struggle to leave it at one glass, and before I knew it I'd be back to my old habits.

I think that Mouseface who posted here earlier did something similar to you, justwhen, and cut down gradually.

I find that the things that help me are: not buying wine so I'm not tempted just to buy it; having alternative drinks that I really enjoy and that I treat like a 'proper' drink, so fizzy, in the fridge, ice-cubes at the ready, slice of lemon if required. A glass of flat warm orhange juice never did it for me! I also plan distractions for the times I am most tempted.

Good on you for doing this. I feel much better for it.

oops "not tempted just to drink it"

I think I'm going to try the distraction/soft drink method.

My weakest time is 5:30 till supper is over . I never feel like drinking after supper unless I am socialising.

justwhen-as for the dieting well I have had success with low carbing before ..you can have a gin & tonic on that diet , but as with all diets I put it back on again.
I am trying to walk more atm as well.
So basically am going to cut out bread/pots and sweet stuff.

I certainly agree that it easier once you have eaten. My trigger is always, right dd is sorted, what's for dinner, large glass of chardonnay. It's like a marker point in the day.

Yes I totally agree too about the post child stress pre dinner wanting to drink! After having had that small glass of rose and now having eaten I do not feel the need to have anymore!

I wish I was that virtuous every night

venusandmars well done on what you've achieved so far

I facilitate alcohol awareness groups for offenders who crimes are alcohol related, who have a problem with alcohol.

We advise that while aiming for abstinance is a good long term goal, the goal has to be specific, manageable, acheivable, realistic and timely.

Ie don't say to yourself that you will not touch that half bottle of rose in the fridge if you know that is going to be tough to do/impossible. Do not set yourself up to fail, feel worse that you did not acheive your goal and want a drink even more. If you normally drink 1 whole bottle or more say to yourself something like 'my goal is that tonight i will drink only that half bottle of wine, and enjoy it. Tomorrow, I will set another achievable goal'.

You may want to consider changing your routine slightly and add that to your goal so that you are not able to drink at 6pm. so maybe say, I will have two glasses of wine once I have finished the ironing/cooking/painting/talking to friend on phone, which will be at 8pm, and I will be in bed by 10pm. you don't have to change your routine by much to change the drinking routine.

If you think you will drink half to one bottle of wine, then say that to yourself. Make it real. Do not say 'only one glass' or 'none tonight' if that is not going to happen. If you have more than one bottle, say cut it down to half-one.

Do not put in place 'get out clauses' i will not drink unless I have had a bad time putting the kids to bed/had an argument with family member/tired/not drunk for two days/have friends round/want a treat etc. As you will always find one of those applies.

Going to cold turkey with alcohol is in fact quite dangerous.

pavlov-thanks that's really helpful advice.

Will put it to the test. I am going to stop buying white wine as I find it too easy to glug it down like water, dh drinks red and although I like it I can't drink it so fast and can say no to it far easier than a cold glass of white

thats a good thing, if you know you are less likely to drink one type, change that.

I know what you mean about white wine being more drinkable. I don't have a problem not drinking every day, but i do like a good glass or two a couple of times a week and I find it difficult to not go for another glass after the second one. I often say no, not going to this time, i will only drink one glass and before i know it, the bottle is gone and DH has not had as much as me. My risky time is just as dinner is being served as I see it as a reward for the kids being in bed and dinner being ready and our 'adult' time starting. But then I have a tendancy of drinking it too fast, pour another, and the third is then inevitable. so I try now to not have that first glass until after dinner, or at least once dinner is served and I am eating, so it slows it down, makes it more enjoyable, means less likely to have that third drink.

You are right guys, I have never had problems with drinking in terms of binging. I think my body does not tolerate alcohol very well. I become pale and tired after a glass or two, depends on the % of alcohol.
When it comes to alcohol I am strong-willed. I do not like taking in anything that is not good for my body (and even though I do not look like a goddess). I also do not smoke as I do not need it. When I was pregnant with my first child I stopped drinking. That was almost five years ago. And I do not miss it but I have had a few drinks since that time, of course. I just have to tell myself that it is harmful and list all pros and cons. Well, that is me. I do understand how difficult it is for you to stop drinking wine, whatever as I am sometimes addicted to chocolate. There were times when I had to eat a bar of chocolate every day. Then one day I went for a few months to stay with my sister and she had lots of chocolates. I do not know why but it put me off. Well, since that time I have not been addicted to it. I do buy it occasionally but not like I used to, every day, a compulsory order. So, I guess, you guys have similar cravings for wine. It is just that the chocolate is safer but can give you spots. Depends on the quality of course. I also think that my life was a bit boring when I was addicted to chocolate. I think I could not find a perfect boyfriend, I had studies, I did not have enough money. Then the life changed; no time to get bored.

Sorry for being tedious with my posts. I guess you want to hear from someone who once was a heavy drinker. There are alcohol addicts among my relatives. My grandad is almost 90, drinks every day. My father used to drink when he was about my age. He could not tolerate it either. He was very weak and should be thankful my mum because she was the strong-willed. My mum said that he behaved like a monster during the years when he was drinking.

i know its hard once the habit is formed and when you're shattered and a bit cheesed off, but the long term damage is horrible.

I had to ask myself what kind of shape I wanted to be in further down the line, when my children will still need me - more sozzled on the evenings, unable to pick them up in the car (or god forbid take them to hospital), worse a few years further along in terms of all the possible illnesses associated with wine drinking:

breast cancer
pancreatic cancer
stomach cancer
liver cancer
heart disease
liver disease

endless and horrible. Write a list of horrors and put it on the fridge door or something to remind yourself.

and good luck, obviously

Just to add my own perspective to Pavlovthe cats's good advice, I'd suggest that if you want to cut down from a bottle to a half bottle, then you only buy a half bottle of wine. Or if you only want to drink one glass, then buy only one of those little bottles (you can get them in the supermarket), or if you only want to drink one vodka, buy one of those cans of ready mix vodka and coke (or whatever). And only buy one at a time, on the day that you plan to drink it. As Pavlov says, once you've opened a normal bottle it is all too easy to keep going until oops, it's all gone again.

I totally agree about not giving yourself get-out clauses. I know that I could find any excuse to open a bottle of wine: a good day, a bad day, cold rainy weather, warm sunshine, good news, bad news etc.

Thanks guys all your support & advice is fantastic!
I also am a white wine guzzler whilst dh sticks to red. On bad nights in the past I've finished my bottle of white (at quite a fast pace) & then made a start on dh's red .
From reading all your posts it's made me realise I do drink to escape bad situations & that I need to find other ways to control them.
Octavia please don't apologise for your posts - it's lovely you've taken the time to reply. I've never had a problem with chocolate so I kinda know where you're coming from!

Thanks justwhen. You are being sweet.
venusandmars "I'd suggest that if you want to cut down from a bottle to a half bottle,"
That reminds me of the days when I could not stop breastfeeding. :) I had to stop it completely because all those gradual cuts did not work for the kids and neither for me. I stopped breastfeeding and found substitutes: a cows milk and hot chocolate. That worked. :)

I think if you can stop now then stop now. Do not have alcochol at home at all. Just see how it goes. You might be fine who knows. I think if you have time to attend gym, dances, drawing, painting, martial arts etc then do it. It will take your mind away from the wine and then it will also increase your body and mind strength.

Pavlovthe Cat you are right that Going to cold turkey with alcohol is in fact quite dangerous.

However, I would say not for everyone who is addicted to it. You need to try first and see how it goes. At the end of the day you are not going to be kept in the locked room. If you feel no-alcohol makes you feel ill, then you can go out and have a tiny drink. It can be a vicious circle though.

I agree Octavia, going cold turkey can be very dangerous for people who wake in the morning with the shakes and have to have a 'hair of the dog' to stop it.

However I don't get the impresion that people who are posting here are in that situation, and in reality, going cold turkey is what many people do after a particularly heavy weekend. Yes you many feel crap for a few days as your body deals with detoxing and a depleted vitamin store but that is rather different from DTs and a risk of convulsions.

Actually, the danger is not just those who have the shakes, as some people have quite a high 'tolerance' to it, and thus do not visibly show the effects of it. However the effects of alcohol then are more severe as more alcohol is drunk. And then when you are in that situation, cold turkey is dangerous, because your body has come to rely on a significant amount of alcohol. I would hazard a guess and say that if you drink any more than 1.5 bottles of wine per evening, then you should NOT attempt to stop drinking straight away, without any kind of medical intervention.

Most people I know who have alcohol dependency problems need medical support to help them come off it. And not all my 'clients' drink more than 1.5 bottles of wine daily. 1 bottle of 13% wine is 11.5 units of alcohol, so that would be 16 units in one sitting, safe drinking levels are 2-4 for a woman - so to reduce that many units every day would definitely have a physical/medical impact despite absence of DTs etc.

venusandmars, all I wanted to say that it would be hard for "justwhen" to go cold turkey because she would not be locked in an empty room. She can stop drinking and see how it goes. If she has cravings for wine than she can go out and buy little amount of alcohol and see how it goes. It may work, it may not and she will need another glass.