Paranoia/massive insecurity

[LowRedMoon]

Hi there (am namechanger)

For the past couple of years, I have been gradually, slowly losing my self-confidence. I used to have a job that involved travelling, giving presentations, management - I could do this, not with ease but with courage and I was good at it. So I know that I do have self-confidence, somewhere, hidden deep down.

Over the past two years or so, I have withdrawn quite a lot. I've chosen to break contact with a few people (ok people abroad, old old friends) because I felt a lack of any interest in me. People more locally have fallen away and I am convinced that it's by design. I feel uninteresting and pointless.

One of the worst things is that I have realised that a very charismatic person in dh's family dislikes me. It's fine, really, we are very different people, families don't have to get on. What isn't fine is that every single interaction I have or don't have with him is preying on my mind. I also worry that he has not time for dh at all, as they have stopped contacting each other socially. I am paranoid that this is because of me, how much he dislikes me.

I never used to be this person, I was never unreasonably disliked in an obvious way (I think it is normal not to be adored by everyone!) but now I have the feeling that I have been deluding myself for years and am one of those heartsink people. I go over things I have said and done years ago, and I cringe at myself.

I can't work out how to deal with this without actually asking people if I upset them. I'm worried about myself, really. I can see it's not really a normal way to analyse your whole life.

Does anyone understand this and what is a good course of action?

A good course of action would be to get some Cognitive Behavioural Therapy to help reverse your unjustifiably negative train of thought. It is quite normal to have the thoughts you have expressed from time to time, but not for these thoughts to last for so long and to have got worse over two years. I find I do feel exactly (and I mean exactly) the sort of thoughts you express from time to time when I'm feeling very tired and low, but it never lasts for more than a week or two, before I get a renewed sense of energy and enthusiasm and start believing in myself and other peoples' liking for me, again. For it to last so long strikes me as being a form of depression.

ps it would probably help if you can get yourself to do all the things you have probably been drawing away from or avoiding altogether - eg volunteering in the community or your child's school, so as to regain a sense of self worth and have something specific to do whilst around other people so that you don't have to analyse what they think about you all the time, but can focus on the task at hand.

And if the feelings of the charismatic member of your dh's family are genuine and not imagined by you, then ignore him and his silly attitude - if he makes his dislike of you that obvious, then he's a nasty piece of work. You and your dh are lucky if he keeps out of your way.

Hi LowRedMoon, I've just read your post, and I have to tell you it strikes so many chords with me :( You don't say how old you are, but I am 47 and am pre-menopausal. For me lack of sleep plays a huge part in how I feel, as if I have a reasonable night I feel much more positive. I am going through a weird psychological metamorphosis, which I believe to be caused by wildly fluctuating hormones :(
I also feel mistrusting of most people, including my own family! So, you are not alone, and I know exactly what you're going through!

I am so depressed recently - like you confident etc but seem to have lost touch with friends - moved areas and have found it really hard to break into new groups - feel undermined by external influences and am working full time with 3 lovelies to look after. have wonderful hubby but just dont know what is going on with me. I know all the advice about getting out there but feel so undermined not able to. Dont want to go to drs as dont want any labelling. Just posting to express my sympathy and this if the first time i have been able to 'say' how I am feeling too. So thank you for that anyway! Your comment about feeling pointless completely struck a cord with me! But I know I had friends once etc - sigh!