Dad losing his leg tomorrow, Someone hold my hand

[bargainhuntingbetty]

Dad has been in and out of hospital since having cancer 3 years ago and now they have made the decision to take the leg off completely. Was just about holding it together until I got this news now Im not reall doing well although if I dont talk about it I am ok. Just looking for someone to hold my hand

Oh sweetheart. I'm listening. x

Ah thank you for the reply. Its just a nightmare.

What kind of cancer does your Dad have, Betty?

He had a soft tissue sarcoma in the muscle in his left leg.

Oh lord How sad.

Betty

is it just you or is there other family about? Your Mum perhaps or siblings?

Betty , thinking of you all.

My dad lost his leg 10 years ago due to diabetes, after months in hospital with them trying to save it; not quite the same I know but if you have any questions I can tell you what we experienced.

My brother is on holiday till Friday and mum has been my main focus this week as she obviously is very upset and worried. I am just trying to keep busy and that is working through the day but I am not sleeping at night as I cant be busy through the night and the brain switches on. I really need to sit down and talk to someone but I am not sure how I am meant to feel as I dont feel that I am entitled to be upset as its not really affecting my life IYSWIM. The last 3 years have been a long hard struggle for him and this will actually be a releif for him as there will be no more pain or infection in the leg. But it is going to be so life changing

Flipflops, that is what has happened to my dad they have spent months trying to save it and now it has come to this. Where was your dads leg amputated from?

Betty, I can sympathise. I think the hospital will have a counselling service for friends and family of those with cancer. Macmillan also has a very good helpline, the number is on their website - I have rung them a good few times in the past when my friend had cancer. They just let you talk and answer your questions.

I dont know how I feel or why I feel it tho and I really cannot bring myself to talk about anything even with DH. I dont want to start talking.

I am supposed to be going away at the weekend to my best friends about 4 hours away but I Dont know if I want to go. I really want to see her but I dont know if I can spend the whole weekend away from my mum and I dont know if I can be up there all that time and not discuss it. I really dont want to start talking about it.

This is all OK, it's how it is - it's very upsetting and confusing and horrible, not just for the person but for those who love them.
Do you think your friend would understand if you postpone your visit? It might be hard keeping up a pretence of cheerfulness all weekend.

She would completely understand but tbh I need the break and that is so selfish of me I feel horrible saying it. My mum and dad have both said that it makes no sense to cancel a weekend away for an hour of visiting a day. I can totally see there point but I want to be here for my mum/. I just dont know what to do

Betty, Dad's was amputated just below the knee - they try to do that wherever possible because it's useful having a joint afterwards, iyswim. It was done because there was a risk that he would lose even more leg if it was left too long and also because his kidneys were starting to fai quitel(a combination of the diabetes and months of fighting the infection).

I found it really hard - losing a leg just seemed so final somehow. But for Dad it was a relief, although there was still a long way to go he knew that things would improve after that.

The recovery was quite long, and he isn't as mobile as he was, but he has a prosthesis and can walk some distances. He does need help with some things, and they've had the house adapted but he's still with us, which we're all incredibly grateful for.

My dads leg will need to come off at the groin so there will be no chance of a prosthesis. I know he will still be with us but what kind of life is he going to have?

Sorry for typos, have one year old helping.

Emotionally, you need to do what's right for you. If you go to see your friend this weekend, you can just tell her the basics and then if it's right talk more? I had one close friend who was a rock at the time, she let me get angry or upset as required. DH was ok, but he was always trying to be logical and find solutions, really all I want to do was wail about the unfairness of it.

I have a few friends who I could turn to but TBH I dont want to talk about it as it makes it real and I have to deal with it and with the kids on school hols and trying to keep my mum sane I cant talk about it and make it real

Sorry I had to dash off earlier.

I hope you can find some peace with what's going on now - your Dad will adapt, and everyone around him will too, all in their own time. It's difficult though.

Thinking of you all over the next few days.

My mother has lost both her legs (from above the knee) because of diabetes. I understand your worries, I am sorry for your poor dad. I am thinking of you.

But wrt what kind of life will he have- my mum lost her legs about 9 years ago... she has an incredible electric wheelchair, she is fiercely independent and can do everything by herself. She can laugh about it now too! When her first leg came off she was obviously very ill for a while and low, and after a while she bounced back (and bought herself a toy parrot to pretend to be a pirate!). She used to ask for money off in shoe shops because she was only going to use one shoe (sorry if that's an insensitive thing to say).

What I'm trying to say is that even without prosthesis, your dad WILL be ok. The OTs in hospital are very very helpful, and will teach him how to do basic things once more.

I'm thinking of you and your family. The loss of a limb is very much like a bereavement. It can be hard for other people to understand that though.

Sorry to hear that you are all going through this, it's traumatic to even contemplate. Allow yourself some space to feel upset, then you will be able to move on afterwards and deal with the process more easily.

I just came back to agree with swishswish about finding humour in unlikely places; there's plenty of examples in our family that I can share another time.

how are you doing? Am thinking of you

Betty, hope you are ok. Thinking of you.

Betty I don't have any experience of a close relative now, but my grandad managed many years with one leg. Its amazing what can be done. I would agree with Bobbalina, allow yourself to be upset but get a brak if you can. i hope it all goes well.

I'm so sorry to read this and hope you are all doing okay. My mum lost a very dear friend recently to a soft tissue sarcoma so please take comfort in the fact he is alive - and will have quality of life as well (my mum's friend was desperately ill whilst fighting the cancer). Adjusting to life with a disability is very hard but it can be done, there's a lot of help out there. I'm looking at booking a canal boat holiday for me, my ds and my wheelchair-user dh, which I never thought I would be able to do!