My children will not sit down to eat for long enough to actually sate their appetite.

[colditz]

I don't do snacking between meals, but they are only eating a 3rd of each meal before they are getting up and pisisng about. They say they are full, and half an hour later they are whining about being hungry. So, every single time I make them wait until the next meal, and the same thing happens, they eat about 3 mouthfuls (I don't even serve big meals, 10 proper mouthfuls would probably clear their own plate), declare they are full, then an hour later whine whine whine...

They are 7 and 4. Ds1 has ASD and ADHD, but DS2 is NT and if anything he is worse for it.
Has anyone else experienced this? what did you do about it?

Should have put this in behavior really, sorry.

I've been known to offer up the cold meal again if they say they're hungry or offer it for the next meal if they hardly ate it the first time round

However neither of my 2 have ASD or ADHD so I suspect my idea is a bad bad one for you

I dunno, ds1 isn't fussy with food, as such - he just treats it as if it's interfering with his life unless he can walk around with it.

he HATES using cutlery too.

Maybe toasties, pizza, carrot and cucumber sticks and sandwiches are going to have to be the staple diet.

I have ds's 7 and 4 too. Ds1 is fine and eats well; ds2 however is exactly as you describe.

I usually keep whatever is left on his plate, then give it back to him when he says he's hungry. I will warm it through for him if it's a hot meal though. He probably finishes it 75% of the time.

personally i'd offer structured snacks and smaller meals.

breakfast, elevenses, lunch, tea, supper...

are you only offering 3 meals a day? i'm not sure that small boys can control their apetite enough to know how much to eat to last four or five hours between meals.

No experience of this but agree with Fluffles. I dislike continual grazing DS is 7 and he does sit still long enough to sate his appetite at meals, but he usually has 2 snacks a day on top of that. We eat snacks at the table or the picnic table and one of us sits down with them.

i have the rule that nobody leaves the table until everyone has finished, but it doesn't work to get them to eat more. I eat quickly, gone in 5 minutes or it goes cold while I am saying "Pick up your fork, pick up your fork, not fingers, pick up your fork"

ds1 says he isn't hungry. I tell him he must wait until ds2 is finished - and Ds2 says he has finished.

now, I don't believe in force feeding but these kids would rather go hungry than sit at the table for longer than it takes me to clear my plate.

And I might offer structured snacks, that is a good idea.

I can't keep meals that have been served in case a fly landed on it at any point. It has to go straight in the bin.

I do only offer 3 meals a day, plus small snakcs such as an apple or a small bag of crisps (ie 20g bag)

maybe it needs to be spread more evenly, but it's very hard to do a substantial healthy snack on a budget....

I hardly ever see a fly in mine. And cling film the food anyway.

I liked Fluffles idea too. Far wiser than mine

Perhaps give the insisting on cutlery a rest?

If I am eating later in the evening with DH, I read to DCs during evening meal. It stops them bickering! A consequence of this is that DD stays at the table a little longer than she would normally to hear the end of the chapter and often she decides she wants more from her plate.

(I let them get down when they have finished eating, although if they want dessert, they have to stay at the table until everyone has finished and dessert is brought out)

My DS (ASD) has the same outlook towards food "he just treats it as if it's interfering with his life unless he can walk around with it" except my DS is fussy with food as well as being like this about eating!

I don't know what the answer is but just wanted to let you know you're not on your own with it. TBH I usually just leave DS's food out until it is eaten as he is just so uninterested in food. He seems more hungry recently than he used to be but still doesn't like to sit for more than 5 mins and eat.

I just cannot watch a seven year old eating a runny fried egg with his fingers. It's disgusting and sets a bad example to his younger brother who is also starting to use his fingers after using a fork since he was 9 months old.

I don't insist on full silver service, I just want him to use a fork OR a spoon. He can do it, he can make really intricate models out of K'Nex and play the Wii so he can use a frigging fork!

No, I don't think I could either! It would have to be in a sandwich.

I didn't realise his aversion to cutlery was quite so extreme! I had visions of him popping bits of sweetcorn or pieces of macaroni in with his fingers.

Would it help if there was pudding afterwards? DS1 will happily sell his soul eat every scrap on his plate for the promise of a banana or a few raisins. I know you're not supposed to use food/puddings as a bargaining tool, but I figure it's better than nagging and moaning.

Or could you set a timer and have a race? I know it's not done at the best dinner parties, but if it gets you over a tricky patch whilst they grow out of it...

How about toast soldiers to dip in runny fried egg as a compromise? Cover plate and if they are hungry later reheat same food and offer up. No puddings/treats, if they are hungry they will eat their dinner. Healthy snacks on a budget are possible (we are on benefits until I start work in September) if you get yoghurts, cut up cheese, cut up cucumber, carrots, celery etc..., fruit it will keep them going and it is fairly transportable. If you have a market near you you can get fruit and veg really cheap at the end of the day, but you have to eat it faster. I got 2lbs of grapes for £1 at my market today and we live in London where prices are generally more expensive.

My dd is 4 and prone to get bored after about half a meal and say 'I'm full'. Now I have gone all hard line and am refusing to give any fruit/pudding/snacks if she has said she's full. Miraculously there's always enough space to eat more if there might be pudding after.

TPL: Bargaining with pudding IS bad but it's the only thing that works

No, seriously, pudding doesn't work - not even chocolate mousses.

I suppose I never did bargain with puddings and now they don't consider more food to be a reward for eating food. It just involves more sitting and eating. Nothing virtuous about it, believe me at this stage if it worked I would do it,.

Ds2 doesn't worry me, he puts it away faster than Ds1 and is smaller and not as fidgetty, but Ds1 is getting skinny...

i might resort to cheese sandwiches in the garden. he generally eats those and if I keep dishing them out it doesn't matter if he won't eat his tea.

i had this problem with my 3, ds1 is as and adhd and it was driving me mad that so much food was going to waste!

so i went beyond all my parenting morals and put the tele on (well computer is in the dining room) they pick a programme on iplayer! and they r transfix and eat every mouthful!

i love family mealtimes for chatting and family time but i would rather have tele on and have the food eaten. plus we r still sat at the table together!

If you're bothered about flies landing on food get a food cover. We have one of these and it is excellent for allowing food to cool before putting it in the fridge or just for covering things we want to leave out.

Colditz, this sounds really hard for you. I on't have experience of ADHD but tend to think snacks are the answer. And probably an awful lot of patience from you in explaining over and over again why you can't make endless meals all day just because he doesn't eat his meals. So snacks would have to be very simple - bread and cheese or peanut butter or something?

Generally I think children are self regulating in their food intake so do eat when they need to. So I would not worry about the weight loss unless he's really below a healthy weight.