Help me deal with these stupid emotions.

[misdee]

saw one of the lads on the unit today, with no VAD. he had one, i had seen hi mexercising down the corridor soon after peter had his fitted. so asked peter. the lad has had a transplant. no i feel pleased for the lad, he is younger than peter and a really nice bloke. but am also feeling resentful and impatient. when will peters turn come up?

awww, your emotions are not stupid misdee... of course you feel resentful. you want peter better and it isn't fair when you see other people getting better and having had a transplant and you know you could have a long wait ahead of you.
but it WILL happen... things happen for a reason, even though it seems hard to find one at the time.

i know its gonna happen, but part of me thought, 'if peter hadnt had his VAD fitted would he have been suitable for the heart?' i feel evil.

Hi Misdee. How much longer is it now till Peter goes back on the list so to speak? Try not to compare, like you shouldn't compare your children . Who knows how long he has been waiting and even if he's had one before? Who knows what his condition is. Perhaps he has just been lucky. That dosen't mean Peter won't be. This is one of the hard things about Peter being where Peter is atm - you will see other people leaving as success stories. You may see other people not leaving at all. Both will be upsetting. I feel for you. How is he getting along now? Do you know of any plans to bring him home yet?

Peter is on the list, his turn will come. They want to make sure it will work for him.

It must be so frustating for you all, hope they find a suitable match for him soon.

How does Peter feel about the other man gettig a transplant? It might give him hope that it will be his turn soon and the op will be successful.

aww Misdee your feeligs are sompletley normal, im sure everyone has these feelings i know i did when my mum was waiitng for her valve replacement and everyone was going in first.
But your peters wife you love him hes the father of your beautiful children and im sure you will do anything to make him better which is why your feelinglike this, dont be ashamed to feel te way you do.
This Will happen for you you seem like genuinly good people and good things happen to good people but your doing all you can by sticking by Peter and im surehe knows this, waitings the worst but it will be eventually worth it when Peter can come home and you can be at home as a family again, i hope your feeling a little better.

kid, he isnt back on the list yet as he isnt fit enough still from the VAD op. Being in the unit is hard, one bloke passed away a few weeks ago, one has been back to theatre many times wiuth complications, one recvered fully and no longer needs a transplant. and one is hoping to leave in a month with his VAD in place. and we are still waiting. cant belive he has been in 2months already.

maybe he would have been suitable for that heart... but maybe that heart will give up in a months' time... there is a reason why he didn't have it

and like flossam says... the other guy may have been waiting for a long, long time for a heart.

please don't feel evil. if peter hadn't had the vad fitted he may not have been in any fit state to have that heart anyway!

you're doing your best for him, the hospital is doing its best and his turn will come

misdee, you're a human being, you love your husband, of course you're going to feel that! please don't beat yourself up for it....

Was talking about you to the neighbours today and they all send their best wishes etc.
I know it has absolutely nothing to do with your thread but thought I'd let you know that they are thinking of you.

oh sorry Misdee, I thought he was back on the list.
I remember reading that he had made good progress.

i also feel bad for the people i nteh room next door, they hagve a tiny baby and he is hospital, but then i remember i am in the position really. they ask how i am coping, but it just seems natural now, its odd.

not the baby is in hospital, the dad is.

I remember 2 months ago before he went in you were feeling awful about him having to be in hospital for so long, and saying that you didn't know how you'd cope.

Well - here we are - 2 months along the line - you ARE coping - it may not feel like it a lot of the time but it's perfectly natural to feel like you do.

just keep hoping that by the end of sept he'll be back on the list. and then the paranoia each time the phone rings will start.

Peter went outside today for the 1st time in 2months. that made me smile.

he is getting stronger. and the stronger he is when he has his transplant the better!

no good words of advice....sorry....but couldn't not post anything before going to bed...take care misdee you are remarkably brave and wonderful to peter and your dd's
love XX

Misdee he sounds like he is doing so well. Thats wonderful, because the stronger Peter is by the time his transplant comes the better results the transplant will have. I took my patient outside for the first time today too - he loved it. Funny how we forget how special and important such little things can be isn't it?

Hope you're feeling a bit better now, misdee.
Don't worry about your emotions - they're bound to be all over the place. Mine have been, and I know what it's like when you catch yourself feeling like that - it's a shock.
If you want to chat, CAT me if you like.