Angry at DH for being ill

[Angrybutregular]

have changed my name

My DH has a chronic disease that gets worse and worse but is totally unpredictable.

Have just found out he is going through a particularly painful time (and debilitating) and I am really really angry at him. Not at the disease but at him and at fate and at life in general.

I know it is totally unfair of me, so don't tell me off, and I just want to know how other people seem to remain sympathetic when I'm just such a bitch

I slap myself and think about you as well lol. it must be like a ticking timebomb. how do u cope? how long before next set of tests?

oh no, not bbc, the 'life on the list' shows is about live kidney donation i belive. we start filming hopefully next month for channel 4.

5 months!

Dhs first unrealted cancer was so much easier , that one was cut out and gone! 11 years down the line he is still free of it. this is watch and wait....rather like you and Peter I think. they don';t do anything until he has symptoms. Thank god he is 100% healty atm (which is why I slap myself so much!) Bur I am so neurotic about it all. he only has to say he is tired and I start to panic! If I don;t have something to worry about I worry! So you can imagine what a nut case I end up being!

Right! With luck all of this will increase donors....I carry a card FWIW and will be damn pissed off if I am cremated with anything useful on board!

totally understand. it was watch and wait for almost 3years for us. then symptons appeared and things went downhill very rapidly. so now its treatment and wait. and then wait again for transplant. think i'll be sick of waiting soon lol. very worrying as well, as i didnt relaise that the VAD should only be used for approx 6months.

And it is so f difficult because there is nothing that you can do*!

I know that this must have been said to you endless times but I have wished and hoped and even put in a word above (an me agnostic) for a donor asap.

What I am going through is nothing compared to you....no shit! I know what might be coming but I am not there yet.....you have it much tougher and I have the utmost respect for the way you cope with it all. I realise that you don't have a choice (we don't do we!) but serious respect girl! You are one tough lady!

thank you, and thanks for praying, it means such a lot. (and we've hijacked this poor lady's thread). I never thought we'd be here now, waiting, we were told that hopefully he'd last into his 30's before he'd be on the list. but thats the problem with his illness, one you start to detoriate, its quick, so quick. within 3months of being on the list he was staring death in the face. they didnt think he'd get through the VAD op, thats how bad he was. am just so glad he is still here now and getting stronger. and so glad VAD's are being used more.

and you are right, there is nothing that we can do.

I think you're all amazing women, really I do. And especially those of you who remain so upbeat and such a mainstay of this site with your humour and wisdom.

I am grateful I found mumsnet, cos most of the time I have a real laugh here and when I'm having a moan I swiftly realise I'm not alone, there are people like me, and worse off than me, and you know misery loves company

am out of doldrums now .. hey ho (and a little bit bashfull of being such an arse today) .. hope I can lift someone else's spirits soon like you all lifted mine

am a little miffed I am not some international woman of mystery though .. I didn't post my name .. no' fair you all guessing

..and I carry a donor card purely because of you misdee

ABR, i use this site to keep me sane, and it keeps my mind off worse things.

i can never forget the support i got when the 1st transplant call came, and laods of people stayed up waiting to hear. that meant so much.

well if its any consolation abr, I don't think I know who you are but if I do, I don't think we've spoken much.

ABR I think I know who you are too, and you are anything but a bitch. Witty yes, bitch, no.
Glad you are feeling better for letting off steam. Perfectly rational reasonable reaction IMO.

ABr I have no idea who you are, but then I am a bear of very little brain and can seldom remember who people are in RL, let alone on MN

Just don;t beat yourself up, your feelings are natural

I don't know who you are either Angry, for the same reaons as HMB!

I have been out for hours and this thread was on my mind on and off the whole time. 'Good' (IYKWIM) that there are others with whom we can all understand each other's feelings. But I too am shocked at how manu of us there are!

Respect and ((hugs)) to you all xx

its truely shocking how many of us there are SJ, you are right.

I get angry at ds for being so clumsy and slow and he has dyspraxia. I try not always to show it,but it makes me so frustrated and irritable. We are all human.