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Genealogy

Damn it… I think my parents could be really really distantly related 🤦‍♀️

60 replies

Familyhistoryaddict33 · 10/08/2025 21:03

I only met my bio father last year, was never hard to find, just didn’t have a relationship, I took my mother’s name at birth. Parents are both from the same ish sort of area in southwest England. I know little about my fathers family history but the surname is really quite uncommon and originates back to a very small area and they kind of branched out over the decade/centuries.

anyway, I’ve found a 9 times great grandparent who has the same surname as my bio father and comes from the very same area they originate from meaning that it’s probable that there could be a genetic link between them.

I know that this would be very very small connection and pretty much insignificant but it still fascinates me regardless!

to add I have one ‘both sides’ match on ancestry however I have a lot of matches that are labelled maternal or paternal only but share matches on both sides, particularly really distant matches, so this may explain that!

OP posts:
imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 10/08/2025 21:09

I find genealogy utterly fascinating.
My Godmother, who is my mums best friend is also my Dad's cousin.

One of the volunteers at my son's school is my Grandmother's cousin.

I don't live in a small town so connections like this seem even less likely!

Holdonforsummer · 10/08/2025 21:11

When my uncle did our family tree, he managed to go back about 13 generations and my distant ancestors have the same quite unusual Welsh surname as my mum-in-law’s maiden name. So my husband and I might be (very) distantly related as well!

TheNightingalesStarling · 10/08/2025 21:15

My PILs are cousins. (Second I think)
They found this out at the wedding... they hadn't seen each other since they were very small children, and neither family made the connection until they were all together.

In the last few years some photos of them together as children have been found. Its fascinating.

Familyhistoryaddict33 · 12/08/2025 16:05

TheNightingalesStarling · 10/08/2025 21:15

My PILs are cousins. (Second I think)
They found this out at the wedding... they hadn't seen each other since they were very small children, and neither family made the connection until they were all together.

In the last few years some photos of them together as children have been found. Its fascinating.

I know of someone with a similar story, very recently actually. Both were originally from totally different areas but ended up in the same area and met, randomly found out they are probably second cousins a month or two before their wedding. In their case they had never met, their parents had never met or even knew each other but there was a connection somewhere, most relatives with the connection had passed away or was no contact. They still got married.

OP posts:
OverTheWater28 · 12/08/2025 16:51

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 10/08/2025 21:09

I find genealogy utterly fascinating.
My Godmother, who is my mums best friend is also my Dad's cousin.

One of the volunteers at my son's school is my Grandmother's cousin.

I don't live in a small town so connections like this seem even less likely!

So your mum is best friends with your dad’s cousin? That’s not genealogy, your godmother isn’t related to your mum in any way…

chuzzlewitthechipmunk · 12/08/2025 17:04

Given that by the time you go back to your 9x great grandparent, there are 1000+ people involved and people were broadly less likely to leave their locations than they are today.. this isn’t a huge deal or very unusual I don’t think :)

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 12/08/2025 17:08

OverTheWater28 · 12/08/2025 16:51

So your mum is best friends with your dad’s cousin? That’s not genealogy, your godmother isn’t related to your mum in any way…

No it's not genealogy. They were 2 separate thoughts really. But its always seemed interesting that coincidences like that happen when we live somewhere with a population of over 200,000 people.

spoonbillstretford · 12/08/2025 17:13

I've got two grandparents who were from big families but never kept in touch, and I've just found several second cousins who are around my age.

Dabberlocks · 12/08/2025 19:44

OverTheWater28 · 12/08/2025 16:51

So your mum is best friends with your dad’s cousin? That’s not genealogy, your godmother isn’t related to your mum in any way…

If I told you who my godmother is, your mind would boggle. 😂

legoplaybook · 12/08/2025 19:48

If you're going back 10 generations then we're probably all related!

KnickerlessParsons · 12/08/2025 19:59

My parents are distantly related. It’s almost inevitable if you marry someone from the same small village/ town as you and both families have been there for generations.

imnotwhoyouthinkiam · 12/08/2025 20:00

Dabberlocks · 12/08/2025 19:44

If I told you who my godmother is, your mind would boggle. 😂

I'm intrigued.

Notmyreality · 12/08/2025 20:00

If you go back 9 generations I think you’ll find the majority of us are related.

MyShyCat · 12/08/2025 20:12

The South West you say? Perfectly normal for this area. (Especially in Tiverton or Bow.)

HedwigIsMySpiritAnimal · 12/08/2025 20:14

Lots of families intentionally intermarried back in the day to keep property within the family 😊

BusinessScrub · 12/08/2025 20:18

I moved out of London to a town in the SW with which I thought we had no connection at all.
Then I discovered that some family I thought were from Sheffield had moved there from a town just eight miles from here.
Then I did some digging into their ancestors, and in the seventeenth century, one of my direct ancestors got married in the church at the end of my street.

I feel like a salmon, returning to the ancient spawning grounds.

Smallgnomethingy · 12/08/2025 20:19

I found similar OP, mid 17th century, same surname. It didn’t occur to me that they would have been related but with the lack of social mobility then and multiple children, who knows? On the other hand some names are very common!

Another2Cats · 12/08/2025 20:43

"I know that this would be very very small connection and pretty much insignificant but it still fascinates me regardless!"

This can happen quite a bit.

"to add I have one ‘both sides’ match on ancestry"

I have my DNA on Ancestry and both my parents also have their DNA on Ancestry.

I have 23 matches that are "Both sides". But, at first, some of the information seemed a bit odd.

For example, I have a number of "Both sides" matches that only show up under one parent but not both. Even more strangely, I generally share more DNA with that person than my parent does.

I asked Ancestry about that and this is how they explained it. Ancestry only record matches above a certain level of shared DNA (I think it's something like 8 or 9 cM for a direct match or 20 cM for a shared match).

In one case, I shared 17 cM with a "Both sides" match. But my father only shared 11 cM with that match and my mum did not show this person as a match at all.

Ancestry explained that my mum would have shared less than 8cM with that match and so it wasn't recorded. And, between my dad's 11 cM and my mum's less than 8 cM I inherited 17 cM from both of them and so that is why this person shows as a "Both sides" match with more shared DNA.

Or, slightly closer to home, I have two half 2nd cousins through my mum (same great grandfather, different great grandmothers) that I share 302 cM and 201 cM. They are 2nd cousins on my mum's side but they are also 8th cousins through my dad who is distantly related to the other great grandmother that my great grandfather married secondly.
.

My dad has 12 matches that are "Both sides" and my mum has 11 "Both sides" matches.
.

"I have a lot of matches that are labelled maternal or paternal only but share matches on both sides, particularly really distant matches"

In some parts of the world is was not uncommon for the same families to intermarry over the generations. This was especially true in areas that were isolated or where there was a difference of religion or language for example.

This means that you are much more likely to have DNA connections through both sides of the family. This also means that the same DNA is kept within the family for a longer period of time than you would expect normally so the connections may be further back than you would normally expect. There's even a name for this, it is referred to as "endogamy"

Areas like Cornwall (and Norfolk) were prone to this. The Isles of Scilly are a great example; back in the 19th century it is estimated that around 80% of the marriages there were endogamous to Scilly. In other words, they just married each other.

But this also happened in other areas as well. I have some distant ancestors who went over to the American colonies in the 1600s. To be frank, there were a lot of families intermarrying each other back then (the population in Maryland and Virginia was very small) and you can still see the results of that in the DNA today.

Many Americans who trace their ancestry from early US colonial families have found this when getting their DNA results.

I remember somebody saying that they had colonial ancestry from Maryland and Virginia through both parents. While the parents weren't related to each other in any way over the last two hundred years, they had dozens of DNA matches who were related to them through both parents, and quite a few more who had a DNA match to one parent and a paper trail that connects them to the other.

It is not uncommon for colonial Americans, Ashkenazi Jews, French Canadians and US Cajuns to still show the results of this endogamy from centuries earlier.

828Pax · 12/08/2025 20:59

I found out my best friends nan was my nans sister! Can't remember what that made us!

Brunettesmorefun · 12/08/2025 21:17

We discovered recently that my ex husband’s wife is probably related to me! Several generations back.

familyissues12345 · 12/08/2025 21:26

We suspect DH and I are very distantly related, when DH did his family tree a few years ago, we discovered someone with my maiden name (unusual name) and living in the same town that most of my family originated from - could just be a coincidence…

BatchCookBabe · 12/08/2025 21:36

We're probably all related very distantly when you look into it. And some of us not so distantly related, The average person has 5 to 10 first cousins, 30 second cousins, 200 third cousins, 1600 fourth cousins, 17,000 fifth cousins, 93,000 sixth cousins, and 174,000 seventh cousins. Not that wild to find out that your (bio) mum and (bio) dad may share a bloodline, especially if they're from the same town and county (which many couples are.)

.

LavenderBlue19 · 12/08/2025 21:46

It wasn't uncommon even a couple of generations ago - people didn't move around so much, no cars, no public transport, so there was a limited pool to choose from.

WinterOnItsWayOut · 12/08/2025 21:52

@BusinessScrub I had something similar although knew I had distant relatives from the same county which I moved to (150 miles away). Found through ancestry that my Great, Great, Great, Great Grandmother who had the same name as me had lived in the next house about 100 yds up the road 😮

Salmon indeed 🐠 😁

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