How would you feel if a DNA match told you that your great great grandfather might have had a child outside his marriage with a housemaid?

[PuppiesProzacProsecco]

Sorry for the ridiculously long title!

Basically, I've stumbled on someone on ancestry that might be the great great granddaughter of my mum's (previously unknown) father.

My grandmother was in service and became pregnant with my mum aged 18. The father was an older married man. The surname, timings, profession, place and age match up and my DNA match to this person indicates she's my half second cousin once removed or my third cousin. Which I think from a quick Google sounds broadly correct if her Great grandmother was my mum's half sister.

I've messaged her but no response as yet. I'm feeling quite anxious because of the "scandalous" aspect of the situation - my mum was born in 1935 so a different time. As far as I know, my grandmother never claimed she was raped but with power/class dynamics and the fact she was so young whilst he'd have been in his 50s, calling it "consensual" is a bit of a stretch.

Basically, has anyone else been in a situation like this where they've been told something like this? How did it make you feel?

I’ve been researching my tree for around 30 years. A good twent years spent researching someone I thought was a ggrandfather who after I introduced dna testing into my research definitely wasn’t!
Nothing like discovering a parent has a massive amount of dna in common with part of the world I’d not found a paper connection with to raise suspicions! I’ll never know for certain who he was but have narrowed down to one of 3 brothers.
anyone who could be hurt has died now and I believe didn’t actually know.
but it’s for this reason I’d never give anyone a dna test as a present. It’s not something you should do without thinking of the potential consequences, particularly for older generations.

Really? If you’d signed up to a DNA Ancestry website and had managed to research an extensive family tree, had indicated on your profile that you’re keen to hear from possible links, you’d be suspicious when someone contacted you?

I suspect you’re not the demographic the OP is reaching out to.

OP did you manage to confirm the link? I am fascinated by genealogy and have hit a few frustrating brick walls so always interested in other peoples quests to find out more. I would be really happy and interested if someone contacted me trying to clarify a similar link and more than happy to share any information.

This is so common. I've found a couple of examples in the research I've done.

In my husbands family history great great grandmother was a housekeeper. She had two children outside marriage before marrying. She gave one of them an usual middle name. It looked like a surname so I searched it.

One result. A married man with a servant who had an illegitimate child. Further investigation revealed he married twice. The second time to one of his servants he had children with. He then had another servant who he had children with as there was clearly a vacancy!

In the end I found he had children with five different women. Four of whom look to have been housemaids.

Single women who lived in house as maids were really vulnerable. It was impossible for them to say no to their master. If they refused advances they were likely to lose their job and not get a reference. This also met they lost their home. Their status made it impossible to be believed against the word of their masters. If they feel pregnant they were likely to be dismissed. So many risked their lives with backstreet abortions.

It's actually unusual for a master to look after a servant like the above example ultimately did. So as much as he seems an awful man, he probably was better than most.

That is great her sisters helped her keep it.