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Genealogy

Any chance of ever knowing HOW we're related?

6 replies

dnadetective · 21/07/2024 15:04

I've been chatting with one of my DNA matches on Ancestry, we get on quite well and have become quite friendly.
Frustratingly though, they haven't built a family tree and we don't have any "common" matches.
We shared 9cm of DNA across 1 segment. The unweighted shared DNA is 11cm, so I realise this is a realise this is a very, very distant match. All I've been able to see is which parent they are connected through. I guess it would be nice to know how we're related, especially as we've been chatting a while. Any advice?

OP posts:
leeverarch · 21/07/2024 21:48

Would they be happy for you to trace their family tree on their behalf? They must have some sort of interest to have done the test.

How far apart are you geographically?

Gloschick · 21/07/2024 23:41

9cm is about as distant you can get as a match. Maybe start with geography. See if you are both aware of ancestors from the same region. I think you will struggle though.

dnadetective · 22/07/2024 12:55

Gloschick · 21/07/2024 23:41

9cm is about as distant you can get as a match. Maybe start with geography. See if you are both aware of ancestors from the same region. I think you will struggle though.

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I believe 9cm is really very distant, so was rather baffled when Ancestry's estimation said that this person and I are most likely 4th cousins.
I've connected with other 4th cousins where the cm is much higher (between the 20s and low 60s).
Is is at all possible people sharing only 9cm can be as close as 4th cousins?

OP posts:
saturnspinkhoop · 22/07/2024 13:11

I think you’ll really struggle with this one. I still haven’t placed some matches where shared dna is over 100cM!

Another2Cats · 22/07/2024 13:24

With 9cM of DNA, that is typically going to be between 4th and 6th cousins. So the common link is typically going to be anywhere between your 3 x great grandparents and your 5 x great grandparents. But it could also be closer or more distant.

Frustratingly though, they haven't built a family tree and we don't have any "common" matches.

By that do you mean "common ancestors" or "Shared DNA matches"?

It's not unusual to only have a small number of matches where Ancestry shows a "common ancestor" but even there you have to be careful as this relies on other people's trees and they are not always accurate.

Shared DNA matches really do help a lot as both of you are related to that third person so it's easier to work out how you are related to each other. But if you don't have any shared DNA matches then it does get harder.

In that event, the only thing to do is to trace her family tree yourself. Not everybody who does a DNA test can always work out how to use sites like Ancestry to do their own family tree and she may welcome some help.

I remember a similar situation to your's but we are slightly more closely related, 3rd cousins once removed.

Her mum had been adopted shortly after birth and she was keen to find out who her biological maternal grandparents were. We were related through her mum.

She wasn't too sure about searching on Ancestry so I offered to help. I managed to find out who her maternal grandparents were but neither of them were related to me in any way.

I then found out that the father named on the birth certificate had actually died years before the birth so clearly wasn't the real father. The real father must have been related to me in some way.

So, after doing lots of digging it looks like her real maternal grandfather is a man who is my great grandfather's cousin and the common ancestors are my 3 x great grandparents.

Another2Cats · 22/07/2024 13:36

dnadetective · 22/07/2024 12:55

Thanks for the reply. Yes, I believe 9cm is really very distant, so was rather baffled when Ancestry's estimation said that this person and I are most likely 4th cousins.
I've connected with other 4th cousins where the cm is much higher (between the 20s and low 60s).
Is is at all possible people sharing only 9cm can be as close as 4th cousins?

"Is is at all possible people sharing only 9cm can be as close as 4th cousins?"

Yes, my father has one but that is admittedly a 4th cousin once removed. Although most of them at that level of DNA that I've been able to trace have been 5th cousins once removed.

But things can vary a lot. He also has a 7th cousin once removed and a 7th cousin twice removed with 21cM of shared DNA.

My mum also has a couple of 4th cousins with 8 or 9 cM but there again she also has an 8th cousin with the same amount of DNA

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